Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
Of course we here at the FCU are big fans of the movies that The Asylum puts out.  Maybe not fans in the sense that we like their movies, but fans in the sense that we are glad that their movies exist.  It makes us happy.  But we do have a tiny request.  After watching this particular movie, '100 Degrees Below Zero', this being one of the many bad weather movies from the studio we've seen, including, but not limited to '500 MPH Storm', '2012: Ice Age' and '40 Days and Nights', maybe it's time to stop making bad weather movies.  Just throwing that out there.  And Found Footage movies.  And mockbusters.  And Teen sex comedies.  Some form of shark attack works though.  Unless it's like 'Shark Week'.  But the Sharknado's and the Mega Sharks?  Keep those a-coming. 

A volcano has erupted somewhere around Europe creating an atmosphere coating ash cloud.  Super Concerned scientist Dr. Goldschein (Ivan Kamaras) knows this is bad, and he looks really concerned.  He would like to tell us how bad its gonna be but he has to redraw the model.  I don't know if he ever got around to doing this.

Meanwhile Taryn (Sara Malakul Lane) and her brother Ryan (Marc McKevitt Ewins) are strolling through Paris interacting with each other in an annoying sibling type way.  They are footing it to Charles De Gaulle Airport, I guess, to meet their dad Steve (Jeff Fahey) and his new young wife Lacey (Judit Fekete).  There are all kinds of problems right about as the temperature of Paris has suddenly started to drop and poor Ryan and Taryn don't have any winter wear.  Not that we're saying anything about anything, but we hope Taryn never finds any winter wear.  Just saying is all.  Then an earthquake hits out of nowhere, causing Ryan to fall down.  Might want to get used to watching both Ryan and Taryn fall down as they do that an awful lot in this movie.  And I never did quite understand how a volcano erupting thousands of miles away caused tectonic plate shifts in Paris and other odd natural phenomena. 
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Back to the business at hand, their Dad, a hot shot pilot, has been forced to land in England due to the ash cloud, but he really doesn't want to check on his kids.  He tells his wife they can take of themselves.  He obviously hates his kids.  His new wife forces him to call them, and the kids tell dad they completely can't take care of themselves and they are going to die.  Now at least mildly concerned, Dad rents a car and tells the kids to meet him at the Eiffel Tower where he should be able to rescue their lousy asses.

But alas, the weather situation in Europe is getting worse.  Colonel Dillard (John Rhys-Davies), who I think is some kind of weather soldier or something, has advised his old colleague Steve that he better hurry and get those kids because Europe is fooked.  In fact every single person in Europe is being evacuated to Australia in operation 'Down Under'.  I think that's what they called it, and if Steve and the kids can make it to the airfield in time, he'll save a seat for him.  Why is Colonel Dillard risking it all for Steve?  I don't want to get too much into it, but it's one of those war stories, and it's told in a majestic way that can only be delivered by John Rhys-Davies, so it sounded good.

Back to the adult kids, after more falling down, Taryn has finally found a fur coat.  NOOOOO!!!!  Fortunately for us, some Parisian thugs reliever her of her coat.  Thank God.  Regardless, the situation is a dire one.  Dad and the new wife will have to drive though floods, hike through snow, and pilot through tornadoes to save his children.  The adult kids, for their part, just have to avoid dying.  And while I do believe they will survive this movie, they will have to learn to live with massive third grade concussions. 

A more accurate title for this movie would probably be '28 Degrees Fahrenheit' since that's about as cold as I think it got.  Especially considering I doubt the average human could survive for hours exposed to temps of 100 degrees below zero.  Even if they did have a fur coat they refused to button up.   This does lead us to this movies greatest draw, just like the previous Asylum movie we saw her in, that being '12-12-12', and this is the existence of Sara Malakul Lane.  Now the young lady wasn't nearly as exposed in this movie as she was in that one, and we're still not completely sold on her as an actress, but watching Ms. Lane and her amazing skill set run and fall and run and fall never really got old.

Unfortunately, that more or less exhausts the good things that were in this movie, which I will say wasn't one I found unwatchable, but just one I found somewhat bland and just mediocerely bad as opposed to outright gawdawful like those other weather phenomena movies I mentioned earlier.  The acting was a plus, with Jeff Fahey and Mr. Davies on board, with both of the actors, no matter how mundane the role, usually giving it all they have.  And there is no shortage of action, it's just that the action wasn't all that good.  Most of it was funny, like the tumbling brother and sister team.  Obviously it takes some training to pretend there's an earthquake going on around you and falling down properly.  The dude that brought it with the icicle to the chest was pretty funny too. 

Mediocrely awful, which is what this is, is actually worse that awfully awful because it tends to be less fun to sit through.  Which is a round-a-bout of saying that '100 Degrees Below Zero' needed be worse to be better'.  Crazy, but that's a fact.  Look it up.
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