Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
The synopsis for '40 Days and Nights' says "When a colossal tectonic shift causes the sea levels to start rising…".  Really?  That's what caused the rainstorm?  Because they gave us, the audience, absolutely no reason why this started happening, leading me to assume that God was all upset with and stuff, yet again.  One minute these annoying kids are wheeling around in the Sahara Desert in their jeep, the next thing they're drowning to death via tidal wave.  This is made even more amazing considering the Sahara is like a billion miles from any nearby coasts.  I mean they annoyed me so I gotta assume they annoyed God as well which was why I was going with the God angle.  I was wrong.  It was colossal tectonic shift.  Duh.  Clearly we have a problem and mankind is in danger.   

Fortunately for the planet earth we are in the midst of constructing a fleet of massive arks.  Now we could ask ourselves, why in the world is the U.S. Government, who had no idea that the rains were coming, was wasting valuable tax dollars on a fleet of arks… but we're not going to do that.  We're just thankful that they are building them.  In charge of building these arks is hardcore Lt. John (Alex Carter) who is one miserable sumbitch, partly because he has to get the turbine airflow reanimator capicating accelerator  up and running, while the Admiral is continuously brow beating him, and he's also probably miserable because his fiancée is a giggly ditz.  Say hello to Dr. Tessa (Monica Keena) who is five feet and a hundred pounds of rock solid annoyance who puts the Desert Jeep spinning teenagers to shame.  Lt. John needs to get the Turbine Airflow Reanimator Accelerator working, or we will all die, and all Tessa wants to do is have a picnic.  It's not like Tessa doesn't have own job to do since she is in charge of getting DNA samples of every creature on the planet earth so life can go after the floods subside.  I'm not liking our chances. 
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The current problems with the Earth are exacerbated as the storms are getting worse which means the Turbine really needs to get finished, and Tessa's DNA samples really need to make it to this unfinished Ark.  It looks like the other Arks are screwed since they are also waiting for the Turbine Accelerator, but Lt. John is dragging his ass in getting it finished.

What's also dragging ass right now is this movie, but it is about to get a little better.  You see the DNA samples are stuck on train tracks which introduces us to train track DNA sample rescuer and super model Capt. Lynn (Christianna Carmine) who is absolutely stunning, and who is slated to take Dr. Tessa on a dangerous mission to rescue the most critical samples.  While both of these lovely women absolutely SUCK at DNA sample rescuing, this is about the time in the movie where Dr. Monica and her way too small white t-shirt gets soaking wet.  And while this movie is still probably dragging ass, Capt. Lynn's perfect facial bone structure and Dr. Monica's wet t-shirt have officially distracted me. 

Ah, but the distractions can only last so long as we have more adventure to get to.  We need honeybees, the floods are here, the ark is barely ready, the Turbine Accelerator is lousy and all looks lost.  Mankind is doomed.  But maybe not.  I mean to me it looks doomed, but right now I'm looking at the few survivors on the deck of this lousy arc, after the 40th day when the rains have stopped, looking at a sunrise with Dr. Monica the ditz proclaiming it 'the most beautiful thing she has ever seen'.  Totally sidestepping the simple fact that the Earth is flooded and 8 billion people are dead.  I guess she means it's beautiful that she's not one those dead bastards.  Outstanding.  And she's pregnant, meaning that Dr. Monica and Lt. John's baby is going to be launching point of the new society.  We are doomed. 

True enough, director Peter Geiger's film '40 Days and Nights', from our friends at The Asylum' is not very good.  It moves a little too slow, the narrative defies all reason and logic on top of being a disjointed mess, the acting is mostly abhorrent with Monica Keena providing the majority of this abhorrent acting even though she is fun to look at, but we gotta admit she and her alleged fiancée had ZERO chemistry together despite the gifts Monica brought to the table, and the special effects left  much to be desired.  But were we expecting anything more than that before I dipped my foot in the pond of '40 Days and Nights'?  No we weren't my friends, so that negative stuff we just mentioned is the baseline, and thus we just required that this movie elevate itself ever so slightly above this sorry baseline.  Guess what?  It did!

Take the special effects.  Sure they were suspect, but this movie was filled with them and that's positive.  I like the scene where Capt. Lynn was piloting the C-130, because Capt. Lynn was awesome at just about everything, lamenting that they couldn't land the plane because of no runway.  But just minutes earlier her C-130 took off without a runway.  That beast rose off the ground like a helicopter.  It was awesome, and I didn't know those planes could do that.  Watching actor Alex Carter look constipated or looking at Christianna Carmine's face or observing Monica Keena in a wet t-shirt never got old, and we were really pulling for actor Ty Barnett, as Capt. Amato the Black Guy, to actually survive this movie.  He didn't.  In fact it looked like they ended the brother, off screen no less, because it's the law.  I also enjoyed the fact that this arc designed to hold fifty thousand people was piloted by a 3-man crew in office chairs.  The office chairs didn't even match.  That was sweet.

Of course some make take my baseline and just proclaim '40 Days and Nights' as a crap movie.  I get that.  But not us.  The FCU theorem of resultant expectations worked in our favor with this one, and we can't be mad about that.
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