Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

We have different expectations for the different kinds of movies we watch, don’t we?  I mean if we watch a film that features a giant crocodile eating people, then the chances are we won’t harbor the same expectation from this movie than say a movie directed by Martin Scorcese.  To the corollary, if we DO happen to watch a movie directed by Martin Scorcese, then we would expect that to be of a higher quality than even the best killer crocodile movie.  So in essence, we as movie watchers grade the movies we see on a curve.  But there are those of us out there, and if you’re not one of them you certainly know one of them, who get all upset at B-movies because they weren’t directed by Truffaut and didn’t have Sir Lawrence Oliver in the lead.  We call those folks ‘Film Snobs’.  I am not a film snob.  This should be fairly obvious by the lengthy list of DTV movies and such that litter this site, but I still expect to be entertained.  Out of all the horrible sub z level films that the infamous film group known as The Asylum has dumped on us, it looks like they’ve gone and outdid themselves by creating arguably the worst movie in their entire catalog with the disaster that will now and forever be known as ‘Supercroc’.


As the 'film' opens we see a squad of four soldiers walking around in what yet again appears to be somebody’s extra large backyard looking for heaven only knows what.  Apparently two of our ‘soldiers’ are getting married and they are inanely discussing things such as their guest list and what to serve at the reception for what seems to be an eternity.  Perhaps they should focus on the task at hand, and then maybe they wouldn’t get eaten by the big, fake, CGI crocodile.  Somehow, a fifty foot 3000 pound crocodile ‘sneaks up’ on these ‘soldiers’ and eats one, and yet the other three still manage not to see the damn thing.  Back at the soldier monitoring command center, which looks suspiciously like somebody’s bedroom with some computers in it, the

powers that be are wondering why their ‘soldiers’ life signs are going flatline on their computer monitors, and what is that really large infrared looking crocodile thing that’s floating about.  For this we bring in some expert who says it may be a swarm of killer bees or even army ants.  Exactly. 


It’s on now as the croc is pissed all to hell that the ‘soldiers’ have taken its eggs, and the ‘soldier’ who lost her fiancée to the beast is going to make it pay.  This little woman turns out be a crocodile expert.  When asked why she knows so much about crocs, she replies that she’s ‘from Florida’.  Silly me, not knowing that simply being ‘from Florida’ makes one a crocodile expert, I’m going to ask this dude sitting across from me what’s the average ground speed of a crocodile.  You see he’s from Florida too.  Well wouldn’t you know, he had no answer.  He must but one those stupid ass Floridians born WITHOUT the instant crocodile knowledge gene.  Stupid ass non-crocodile knowledge possessing bastard.


All right, enough already.  The only thing I wanted from ‘Supercroc’ was a fun, silly, over-the-top, quick moving monster movie.  I’d be more than willing to forgive all the poor acting, crappy shots, poor lighting, horrible sound, and retarded special FX if it was just fun a little bit.  ‘Supercroc’ was lost even before they put the first mini-DV tape in the machine, way back in the pre-production meetings when they made the fatal decision to play this straight.  If you’re planning a film about an enormous crocodile that eats people and is marching on Los Angeles, you had best play it for laughs unless you have the budget for decent B-list actors, decent special effects and a decent production team.  Even mutated croc movies that have all of that knows better than to play it seriously, say like ‘Lake Placid’ for instance.


But the most egregious offense in this crap, considering that they are playing it like a serious movie with lots off badly written dialog, is that during a large number of the scenes where they were lamely explaining the plans and reasons for this creatures existence, you couldn’t hear what they were saying anyway because the poorly composed background music drowned out all of the bad dialog.  Unbelievable! 


Something has to go in the ‘Garbage Corner’ this week, and I don’t know what to put up there.  This?  Species 3, Lust for Dracula, Dark Corners, Honor?  Hell, the choices are many.  I think ‘Supercroc’ may win this sweepstakes because unlike those other films, this one is bad AND sloppy.  Unbelievable!

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