Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
The Bering Sea is somewhere around the Pacific Ocean near to Alaska.  I had to look that up since the makers of this film 'Bering Sea Beast' assumed we know this already.  I am geographically challenged.  But before we take a look at this movie 'Bering Sea Beast', lets take a look at the hard facts facing us before sitting down to watch it.  It's a SyFy Channel original, it was directed by one Don E. FauntLeRoy who is responsible for some truly awful movies, such as the Sci-Fi Channel originals Anaconda 3 and Anaconda 4, not to mention 'Lightspeed' which is in the discussion of the worst Sci-Fi original ever, and this movie stars Cassie Scerbo, last seen in Sharknado.  Now Ms. Scerbo
Back to the FCU
Let Chris know how Wrong He Is
Don't Be Square...
Like Totally Twisted Flix!

want to scare folks and stuff.  I think that's against the law.  Fortunately this dudes body washes on the shore where it is found by Megan (Jacqueline Fleming), the super hot marine biologist.  Maybe she'll call the authorities.  Nope, she takes the body back to her lab because she knows that some extinct beast ate this dude, and the authorities will just cry 'shark attack'.  Apparently there's a legend about Sea Vampires which can swim, fly, and walk on land and suck your blood dry.  And plant little Sea Vampires in your body like The Alien.  That's Crazy.  But Pops might not think so.  Kevin Dobson's participation in this movie is over at around the twenty minute mark.  Has anybody called the authorities yet?  No sir.  No authorities in this film.

Now we need revenge against this sea vampire for what it did to Pops.  Too bad there's like a thousand of them.  Where have they been all this time?  According to the biologist, they've been eating seals, until their habitat was disturbed by the White Man!  If this were true, there should seriously be no seals, considering how many of these poorly animated CGI creatures there are mucking about.

It looks bad for our heroes against these out of control sea vampire bats, but with the exception of little brother Joe, our heroes are all beautiful, and it's been my experience that beauty tends to win out.  Did I mention the hot biologist was kind of blackish?  We have little hope for her, but everybody else should be okay.

Is 'Bering Sea Beast' a bad movie?  Why of course it is silly!  It's absolutely terrible.  When the first guy dies in the first ten minutes and nobody calls the police because 'he has no family', we are comforted in knowing, not only are we dealing with a terrible movie, but we are also dealing with a movie that knows it's terrible.  That makes a difference.

Since this is a SyFy original, it is cursed with the usual problems such as suspect acting, sloppy scripting, and choppy pacing, but chief amongst these being monsters that look like total ass.  One of the conflicts in this film is that the cast took this movie deadly serious, while fighting monsters that were really, really funny.  And even though the monsters looked liked total ass, there were still times where the budget couldn't even support that.  Observe as our Old Navy worthy models flashes bright lights at absolutely nothing.  Watching attractive people holding sun lights up and down might be entertaining to some, but alas, it did little for me. 

This, of course, isn't to say this movie is devoid of entertainment value.  No ma'am, it has scads of entertaining moments.  From the awful looking monsters, in their physical form, being thrown at characters from off screen, to Casey Scerbo's hysterical acting style, or watching Jaqueline Fleming in motion or Brandon Beemers comatose style of emoting… a little curious why this guy got all of the heavy duty acting chores… or observing a final resolution that really shouldn't have worked at all, or looking at the deep regret in the eyes of Kevin Dobson… there is entertainment value to be had.

But at the end of day, 'Bering Sea Beast' is still a terrible movie, pretty much from top to bottom.  Still not a complete waste of time, though.
Don't Be Square... Like Totally Twisted Flix!
was pretty good in 'Sharknado', possibly because the young lady is constructed quite properly and she wore very little in that movie.  In this movie she wore a parka and baggy jeans.  As you can see, with these hard facts working against it, we are a little concerned about the time we are going spend with 'Bering Sea Beast'.

Pops, as played by the legendary Kevin Dobson, is a supreme scavenger or something here on the Bering Sea, helped along by his daughter Donna (Scerbo) and his son Joe (Jonathan Lipnicki).  Joining this scavenging ship
will be Owen (Brandon Beemer) who actually thanks Pops for the 'opportunity'.  Doesn't seem like much of an opportunity from where I stand, Owen cleaning up the ship and stuff, but it's a tough economy I suppose.

On one scavenging dive, little bro Joe and some dude find some gold.  And Death!  Joe survived whatever was in the water but the other guy didn't.  We should probably call the authorities, but Pops determines they should wait until after the auction.  Don't
              Time Web Analytics