Sea is somewhere around the Pacific Ocean near to
Alaska. I had to look that up since the makers of this
film 'Bering Sea Beast' assumed we know this already. I
am geographically challenged. But before we take a look
at this movie 'Bering Sea Beast', lets take a look at the hard
facts facing us before sitting down to watch it. It's a
SyFy Channel original, it was directed by one Don E.
FauntLeRoy who is responsible for some truly awful movies,
such as the Sci-Fi Channel originals Anaconda
3 and Anaconda
4, not to mention 'Lightspeed'
which is in the discussion of the worst Sci-Fi original ever,
and this movie stars Cassie Scerbo, last seen in
Sharknado. Now Ms. Scerbo
scare folks and stuff. I think that's against the
law. Fortunately this dudes body washes on the shore
where it is found by Megan (Jacqueline Fleming), the super hot
marine biologist. Maybe she'll call the
authorities. Nope, she takes the body back to her lab
because she knows that some extinct beast ate this dude, and
the authorities will just cry 'shark attack'. Apparently
there's a legend about Sea Vampires which can swim, fly, and
walk on land and suck your blood dry. And plant little
Sea Vampires in your body like The Alien. That's
Crazy. But Pops might not think so. Kevin Dobson's
participation in this movie is over at around the twenty
minute mark. Has anybody called the authorities
yet? No sir. No authorities in this film.
Now we need revenge against this sea vampire for what it did
to Pops. Too bad there's like a thousand of them.
Where have they been all this time? According to the
biologist, they've been eating seals, until their habitat was
disturbed by the White Man! If this were true, there
should seriously be no seals, considering how many of these
poorly animated CGI creatures there are mucking about.
It looks bad for our heroes against these out of control sea
vampire bats, but with the exception of little brother Joe,
our heroes are all beautiful, and it's been my experience that
beauty tends to win out. Did I mention the hot biologist
was kind of blackish? We have little hope for her, but
everybody else should be okay.
Is 'Bering Sea Beast' a bad movie? Why of course it is
silly! It's absolutely terrible. When the first
guy dies in the first ten minutes and nobody calls the police
because 'he has no family', we are comforted in knowing, not
only are we dealing with a terrible movie, but we are also
dealing with a movie that knows it's terrible. That
makes a difference.
Since this is a SyFy original, it is cursed with the usual
problems such as suspect acting, sloppy scripting, and choppy
pacing, but chief amongst these being monsters that look like
total ass. One of the conflicts in this film is that the
cast took this movie deadly serious, while fighting monsters
that were really, really funny. And even though the
monsters looked liked total ass, there were still times where
the budget couldn't even support that. Observe as our
Old Navy worthy models flashes bright lights at absolutely
nothing. Watching attractive people holding sun lights
up and down might be entertaining to some, but alas, it did
little for me.
This, of course, isn't to say this movie is devoid of
entertainment value. No ma'am, it has scads of
entertaining moments. From the awful looking monsters,
in their physical form, being thrown at characters from off
screen, to Casey Scerbo's hysterical acting style, or watching
Jaqueline Fleming in motion or Brandon Beemers comatose style
of emoting… a little curious why this guy got all of the heavy
duty acting chores… or observing a final resolution that
really shouldn't have worked at all, or looking at the deep
regret in the eyes of Kevin Dobson… there is entertainment
value to be had.
But at the end of day, 'Bering Sea Beast' is still a terrible
movie, pretty much from top to bottom. Still not a
complete waste of time, though.
good in 'Sharknado',
possibly because the young lady is constructed quite properly
and she wore very little in that movie. In this movie
she wore a parka and baggy jeans. As you can see, with
these hard facts working against it, we are a little concerned
about the time we are going spend with 'Bering Sea Beast'.
Pops, as played by the legendary Kevin Dobson, is a supreme
scavenger or something here on the Bering Sea, helped along by
his daughter Donna (Scerbo) and his son Joe (Jonathan
Lipnicki). Joining this scavenging ship
will be Owen
(Brandon Beemer) who actually thanks Pops for the
'opportunity'. Doesn't seem like much of an opportunity
from where I stand, Owen cleaning up the ship and stuff, but
it's a tough economy I suppose.
On one scavenging dive, little bro Joe
and some dude find some gold. And Death! Joe
survived whatever was in the water but the other guy
didn't. We should probably call the authorities, but
Pops determines they should wait until after the