Reviewed by

Christopher Armsted

Errr… okay. Gee, I don’t what to say about this one. I mean I don’t expect all that much from The Asylum, but they’ve kind of outdid themselves with this one. Now I’ve seen some bad movies from the Asylum to be sure, I mean ‘The DaVinci Treasure’ and ‘Tranmorphers

’ were like legendary in their awfulness, but there is one flick that stands apart from all of those and that would be ‘Supercroc’ which is like one of the ten worst movies I’ve ever seen. This little gem, ‘Alien vs. Hunter’ is ‘Supercroc’ worthy, and that’s not good. The common thread between these two masterpieces is the director who happens to be a man named Scott Hunter. I don’t know Mr. Hunter, and he could very well be a very nice man who is a good son, husband and father but based on these two movies he is NOT a filmmaker. I don’t even feel comfortable using that word and his name in the same sentence. I try to make it point not to be mean or nasty when writing about a crap movie, but stuff like this is mindboggling. You might even say, ‘well big fella, what the hell have you done?’ To which I would reply ‘Nothing’. And that would be better than this.

The Greatest American Hero himself, William Katt, plays reporter Sam Smith who is jogging down the middle of a highway (?) as a smoky comet streaks behind him. A Sheriff’s deputy drives up by his side and with the enticing lure of free donuts convinces him that they should check out this comet that has silently hit the ground. Off they go and they find what looks like crashed alien ship which seems to scare the bejeebus out of them, causing them to scurry back to the Cheorkee. I’m guessing THEY saw something, but WE sure didn’t, but whatever it is we aren’t seeing manages to get to the deputy. Briefly we do get to see the top of the alien creatures head through the cars windshield chowing down I guess. I’m thinking this alien can’t be all that tough since it’s only about 2 feet tall. I would later learn that the monster is like fifteen feet tall and built like a giant

spider but apparently the filmmakers only had effects budget enough to make like the upper torso of the alien. Anyway, Sam is saved and runs into the rather nutty Tammy (Wittly Jourdan) who is panicking because her mother is missing and presumed eaten. Why is Tammy Nutty? While walking down the street and seeing a car of pass by and then watching the carnivorous spider alien knock it off the road,  Tammy begins running toward them yelling, ‘We should help them!’. That’s fruitcake nutty is what that is.

So eventually they round up everybody in this town of about eleven people and set about trying to survive this spider alien. There is also a ‘hunter’ looking for the spider alien who has to be wearing the lamest costume ever with his Mortal Kombat Raiden hat and shaded scuba mask. About the time our townsfolk run across some dude all messed up in a field and one of them asks, ‘Maybe we should get him some medical attention’ I realized then and there that all hope was lost but alas the movie wasn’t even close to being over. Now we were forced to follow our heroes through one inane scene after the next until the pain almost became unbearable.

There were so many things wrong with ‘Alien vs. Hunter’ that the greater challenge is to play the ‘what does it do right’ game. We’re not in the mood to be challenged so we’re not playing that game. Now I know William Katt isn’t and never has been a really big star, and again, I’m sure he has car notes, mortgage payments and alimony that has to be accounted for, but damn dude, there’s gotta be a better way to scrape a few bucks together. Right off the bat the dialog in this flick was atrocious, such as the character yelling at everybody that they have to leave the building to find his wife in one sentence, then whining that if they leave then ‘WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!’ Make up your mind friend. Not only was the dialog horrible but it almost had an improv feel to it for in a lot of the scenes the actors were standing around as they didn’t have a clue who was supposed to say what and when. Yes the story was lame, but made lamer in that the ‘hunter’ did nothing of the sort. The weak ass human characters had to figure out how to kill the spider alien because the hunter was to busy doing… hell, I don’t know what he was doing. Then there was the spider alien who was only a spider in the two CGI shots that filmmakers managed to fund. One in particular they used over and over and over again. If I see that damn spider alien run behind that damn tree again I’m gonna choke somebody. ‘Where is it!’ they would all scream. Well, I’m guessing he’s behind that gatdamn tree.

‘Alien vs. Hunter’ was on another level of bad, and this after the good will that I thought The Asylum showed us for the halfway decent ‘I am Omega’. The only reason that this rates slightly higher than ‘Supercroc’ is because I could actually hear what the actors were saying, weak though it may have been. This was so crappy that the Asylum might want to hold a ‘direct our next movie’ raffle for their next creation because who ever wins can’t do worse than this. And the Asylum sends yet another glorious picture into the Garbage Corner. Well done Scott Harper.