Reviewed by
Christopher Armstead
It’s not Fast! It’s not Furious! But it is going at ‘200 MPH’ which is pretty damned fast, and if you crash it can be quite furious. Believe that. It is the latest offering from The Asylum and we watched it. You should too. Not because ‘200 MPH’ is all the great but because if you click on the little link at the bottom of the page Amazon will give me seven cents! Woo Hoo!
Baby brother Rick (Jaz Merchant) and his souped up RX-7 has just gotten accepted into the local U. I think it’s an RX-7. I’m not Fast and Furious enabled so bear with me. Big Brother Tommy (Tommy Nash) has gotten a promotion at his garage which has allowed him to purchase a brand spanking new Nissan 370Z at a rock bottom price. Wow. Tommy must be one hell of a manager to afford a car like that and I would’ve loved to have known what qualified for a Rock Bottom Price for a Z. Rick and Tommy’s mom, Debbie, as played by Legendary Janet Tracey Keisjer… at least she’s legendary to us ever since we saw her in the classic ‘The Halfway House’… is so proud of her boys, as she runs to her job as an exotic dancer. Yes, mom is a stripper but it puts food on the table.
Regardless, it’s time to get Fast and Furious as the boys go down to the strip to make some money. First, Rick has to make out with his way 2 hot girlfriend Claudia (Anna DeMara) who also works as a stripper with his mom. Awkward I would think, but then the girls can talk shop together to pass the time. Then he has to confer with his way 2 hot mechanic Kelly (Hennely Jimenez). Even though I don’t know actress Hennely Jimenez personally, I feel very close to her… or at least her belly button since I was looking at it so often in this movie. And her butt because director Cole S. McKay almost always shot Ms. Jimenez from the rear, with a pan going from the feet and stopping at her ass. I guess I can’t be mad at him. Anyway, there’s a fast and furious car race and Rick wins!
Then Kayce the Asshole (Darren Thomas) shows up. Kayce proceeds to insult people, as assholes tend to do, then mocks Tommy’s new Z claiming his Nissan Skyline is
way faster than his Z. I think he called it Skyline. I don’t think that car is actually a Skyline, but a black Z, but again, I’m probably confused. Tommy takes the challenge because if he wins he gets Kayce’s ride and Rick’s tuition will be paid for. That’s not gonna happen. And we liked Tommy.
Now Rick needs revenge! He challenges Kayce for all the marbles. His ‘Skyline’ versus Rick’s Rice Box of an RX-7. His mom freaks out thinking she’s about to lose another son, and the only way she can cope with this is getting on stage and dancing. His hot girlfriend can’t cope and has to get on stage and dance so she can deal. His hot mechanic can totally cope with this as she goes about the business of making the Mazda even more fast and furious, complete with an enhanced nitrous system that will make the car fly. Literally. Cars aren’t supposed to fly. But there are issues. The freaking out mom, the girlfriend breakup, Kayce extending his assholery to amazing levels, and the dirty cop. Officer Flynn, as played by the legendary Paul Logan, has put money on the enemy and has instructed Rick to lose… or else! Plus Rick doesn’t even have the RX-7 anymore. It’s complicated. Well, not really… just Kayce being Kayce. But there is still a race and dead Tommy must be avenged. Just know that whatever happens, it will be fast and it will be furious.
There’s a scene in ‘200 MPH’ which is still killing me. Kayce is being his usual oppressive asshole self and is harassing the hot girlfriend. The hot girlfriend has had enough and smashes Kayce in the face with her motorcycle helmet. She’s fast and furious enabled as well. A chase ensues. Then the chase proceeds on foot and this time the girlfriend kicks Kayce in the face, followed some more chase stuff and then Kayce getting punched in the face. I mean this 115 pound woman was literally wearing this ‘drug dealer’ out. By the sixth time Kayce got kicked in the face, we tragically had to pronounce him as the worst drug dealer ever. He needs to find a regular job.
But as far as the movie itself goes… well… it has some challenges. To be kind, the acting outside of Darren Thomas who really seemed to be having a good time playing Kayce the asshole, and of course Paul Logan, not to mention Dead Brother Tommy, wasn’t very good. A lot of this bad acting could’ve been avoided if they didn’t kill Tommy and just had him all f’d up in a hospital because then our actor wouldn’t have been forced to show this preponderance of grief, which they weren’t very good at. Unfortunately they already wrote in a scene with someone being f’d up in a hospital bed and two folks being f’d up in a hospital bed probably wouldn’t have worked, but it would’ve helped the actors out an awful lot. Plus it was disappointing, considering we spent all of this time hanging out with the pit crew while they got this car ready for the big race, and then they didn’t use the car. What a waste. Oh, and the CGI car race cutaways. Simply Classic. Followed by Officer Flynn pulling out his gun on a defenseless stupid youth in the middle of a crowded Los Angeles street for the sole purpose of shooting him in the head. The LAPD… I tell you. Plus Kayce’s ‘Skyline’… I have a Skyline and that’s not a Skyline. My Skyline? All wheel drive, intercooler, turbo manifold, custom paint, custom rims, JDM aftermarket spoiler… and it turns left and right moving forward AND in reverse running at dual 49 and 27 MHz plus it has semi-working headlights. Sweet!
Still, it wasn’t all that bad all things considered. The car racing scenes, minus the CGI cutaways, were far better than I expected them to be and the story was crafted as such that I wasn’t consciously wishing I was doing something else while it was playing in front of me. And Hennely Jimenez does have a nice belly button.
It’s an Asylum movie so you know what you’re getting into, right? ‘Almighty Thor’… terrible. ‘200 MPH’… tolerable. That we can deal with.
