Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

I actually had a ‘Wild Things’ checklist I ran down during an episode of that TV show I do when I reviewed ‘Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough’ which consisted of things to look for to know that let you know, for sure, that you’re watching a ‘Wild Things’ movie. In short you know you are watching a ‘Wild Things’ joint when you have two hot chicks from opposite sides of the track who hate each other, who actually love each other, who will eventually engage in a threesome with some dude that they are running some kind of scam. Then you have to toss in a hard working honest law official who is actually dirty and then have everybody turn on each other ending in death for somebody or everybody. Then, with those elements in place, you are now settled in to watching yourself a ‘Wild Things’ movie. This of course leads us to the fourth ‘Wild Things’ movie in ‘Wild Things: Foursome’ which pretty much adheres to our Wild Things checklist to a fault, but does toss in a bonus hot chick so that our one obligatory sex scene is a foursome instead of a threesome. Outstanding.

The plot in this movie would be terribly convoluted if it hadn’t had been done so many times by the three movies before it but the filmmakers did the best they could to make it as confusing and as muddled as possible. Our rich guy is Carson Wheetly as played by Ashley Parker Angel. That’s the boy’s name, Ashley Parker Angel. Carson hates his old man who races cars because… heck, I don’t remember why and its really not that important. The rich bitch and Carson’s girlfriend is Rachel (Marnette Patterson) who absolutely despises the raven haired slut from the wrong side of the swamp Brandi (Jillian Murray). Not really of course but we are going to pretend we haven’t seen a ‘Wild Things’ movie and roll with it.

Eventually Carson’s old man dies in a car wreck which introduces us to our hard working law official Detective Frank Walker as played by the damn near legendary Bo Duke himself, John Schneider. While checking out the old man’s NasCar he observes there’s a part in there which simply did not belong. Now one of the more ludicrous things in this movie is the whole dirty part in the racing car angle and how that came to be, but since the entire movie is ludicrous from the first frame to the last it all kind of works out.

So our hard working cop is on the job. Carson finds out his old man changed his will and he won’t get his money until he turns thirty... unless he gets married. The raven haired slut accuses Carson of rape, the blond rich bitch tricks Carson into marrying her, somebody gets shot in the head, a couple of hot chicks turn against each other, one hot chick trumps the other hot chick combined with the revelation that maybe somebody isn’t as honest as we thought they were and then the movie is over… but wait… This Wild Things joint throws in another wrinkle in the mix involving some more characters, some more sleight of hand and some bonus dead people. NOW the movie is over.

There are some significant issues with this particular iteration of ‘Wild Things’ to be sure. The first problem, I believe, is if John Schneider is the best actor in your movie… by far… then chances are the acting in your movie isn’t all that good. And we’re not trying to sell Bo Duke short here because he was pretty good in this movie. Too good actually because he put his young co-stars to shame. Ashley Parker Angel’s acting style largely consisted of him taking off his shirt, Jillian Murray brought to the table the qualities of being thin, pretty and having great hair, a style that was matched by Marnette Patterson who we probably have to knock down a notch since she kept her clothes on in during the one obligatory sex scene.

Then there was the story driving this thing which pretty much veered wildly out of control a good ten minutes in. It kind of felt that our filmmakers where just pulling some of this stuff out of the air as they were going along considering none of this nonsense remotely made any kind of logical sense. Hell, it didn’t even make illogical sense for that matter, and if you do watch this movie the bonus plot twist at the end is just pricelessly absurd.

But does all of this make ‘Wild Things: Foursome’ a bad movie? Well, yeah… it actually does but like the two straight to DVD sequels that it follows there is something oddly watchable about these otherwise terrible movies. It can’t be the nudity or the sex because the truth of the matter is there really isn’t that much sex or nudity in any of these movies outside of the one obligatory scene which is required to make a movie a ‘Wild Things’ movie, and it certainly isn’t the fresh or unique story since we already know before the movie even begins pretty much how it has to go. I don’t know what it is. I fully recognize that this is a terrible movie but I also know that if somebody has shut off my DVD player before it went off I would’ve had a hissy fit. Tired story, bad acting, one obligatory sex scene, but still watchable. Sometimes that’s not all that bad. One last thing, don’t trust girls from the swamp, seriously. No matter how hot they might be, don’t trust ‘em.

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