Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Not too long ago I saw the movie the ‘Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus’ and I made the comment that no matter how great Terry Gilliam might be, whatever he did yesterday will have no effect on how we judge what he has done today. This brings us to the infamous German film director Uwe Boll who many consider the worst film director in the history of the universe. Not me mind you, but some do. But the same axiom that I applied to Terry Gilliam also applies to Uwe Boll. No matter how crappy his movies might’ve been in the past I like to think I am able to go into whatever his next movie might be with an open mind. Besides, a couple haven’t been all that bad with ‘Postal’ showing some potential and his Vietnam drama ‘Tunnel Rats’ being almost good. So what I’m saying is there’s always a chance for a solid film from Mr. Boll. Yes, this movie ‘The Final Storm’ is not one of those films, but that fact that I saw ‘Bloodrayne: Deliverance’ did not affect me in categorizing this movie as terrible.

The world is in a bad way. Violence, riots, corruption all topped off with a terrible storm have made the planet earth a very unpleasant place to be at this time and place that this movie exists in. In this place we meet gruff Tom Grady (Steve Bacic), the worlds angriest farmer. In the middle of a seven day thunder storm Tom is trying to help his neighbor Charles (Blu Mankuma) round up his cattle, but if cattle aren't interested in moving in a certain direction there’s not much you can do.

Now Tom is back home with his wife Gillian (Lauren Holly) and his thirteen year old son Graham (Cole Heppell). At first it looks like Tom hates his boy, I mean the boy is mighty soft, but after spending some quality time with Tom it is clear Tom hates everybody. Except his wife Gillian when she's giving it up from the back. It’s complicated. Next thing you know the power cuts off. Then the dog runs away. Then the strange dude appears out of nowhere and collapses on their porch which makes Tom angry.

This dude would be the God fearing Silas (Luke Perry) who informs our family, after he’s slept off his chill, warms up and dries off, that the end of days is upon us. This kind of talk makes Tom angry. Then Silas helps around the house fixing stuff and cutting wood which also makes Tom angry. Silas informs young Graham, who is boohooing over his lost dog, that the dog is dead… you guessed it… Tom is pissed off. Silas does try to point out to Tom and family that there are no birds, no crickets, no nothing but the family, especially Tom, refuses to believe this. Tom is pretty damn convinced that Silas is a homicidal maniac. We should mention that everybody in town is missing. Disappeared. Cops, store owners, gas station attendants, bums, residents… everybody except a small violent mob. Still, Tom is looking for proof that Silas is a homicidal maniac. He’s obsessed with this. There is no food, no fuel and The Rapture or something along those lines has occurred and Tom is braving murderous mobs in order to get critical proof that Silas is a homicidal maniac. Guess what? He’s right. Guess what? It doesn’t matter. Seriously.

I’m sitting here wracking my poor little underused brain trying to formulate something of value to say about this movie. When the movie goes off, especially the way it goes off, you're kind of stuck in your seat saying ‘what the f…’. It’s that kind of flick. The first act or so is actually pretty interesting as the director effectively keeps us in the dark about whatever is going on and whatever relationship Silas has to these people, if any kind relationship, but it’s like the filmmakers had no idea where to go next.

At first Silas seems to be some kind of mystical being, but nope, he’s not. But whatever he is he probably didn’t deserve the crappy treatment he got from Tom. The only time Steve Bacic showed any kind of joy in this movie was when he got have fake sex with Lauren Holly. Silas helps Tom fend of a group of angry rioters, Tom is pissed off at Silas. Silas fixes the roof, Tom is pissed off. Silas cuts down at tree for firewood, Tom is pissed off. Note there was a scene where Tom walked in the bathroom and saw his wife in her underwear while Silas was taking a bath but that didn’t piss him off all that much. Nobody really seemed all that concerned about the End of Days. Even Silas for that matter, truth be told. He talked about it, pointed it out to us, but ultimately he just wanted to play peeping Tom on the wife and murder the husband. If he had wanted to murder Tom for being an asshole, I’m all on board with that because he deserved it, but they had to give him some crazy stupid subplot reason. And then there was the end of the movie.

The good thing about this movie, if we take its apocalyptic representation to be true and I think it is since I do believe in the book of Uwe, is that this version of the rapture took almost everybody off the planet and shuttled them to heaven. How cool is that? I’m pretty damn sure that I’m in the top ninety percentile of the righteous so I’m going to Heaven baby. Sweet! Otherwise there’s not a lot to recommend here. Looking at Uwe Boll’s filmography it appears he is working on directing five feature films at the same time. That’s Jim Wynorski type production which also means that there is no way that anybody can make movies at that clip and have any of them be any good. I’m not prejudging those movies but if I was a betting man, I’m pretty sure that Mr. Boll’s upcoming flicks aren’t going to endear him any closer to his ‘fans’, not that he gives a damn.

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