Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

For whatever reason Snow White is hot right now. There’s ‘Mirror Mirror’ with Julia Roberts as the evil queen, ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ with Charlize Theron as the evil queen, and never one to be left out of an opportunity, we have The Asylum jumping in on the bandwagon with ‘Grimm’s Snow White’ featuring the return of Jane March as the evil queen. We’ll always have ‘The Lover’ Jane. But about that ‘Snow White and Huntsmen’ movie, I saw the trailer for that one and they had Charlize Theron in that movie looking better than brand new money, so when she went up to the mirror and it told her that there was one fairer than she, and then switched to Kristen Stewart… well… you know… I’m just saying that that mirror might be broken is all. That’s all I’m saying. They might want to call the Magic Mirror Repair Guy. But we don’t care about that movie today. Or ever. We are here to deconstruct ‘Grimm’s Snow White’ to determine if it’s worth your VOD dollar.

Somewhere in the woods of Wonderland, a good king is hunting ferrets before he is eaten by a hungry dragon beast. Apparently these dragon beasts freely roam this land, so this king probably should’ve known this considering it is his land, but we’re going to ignore his fatal ignorance. While this sad news for the kingdom, this is great news for Queen Gwendolyn (March) who is now the ruler of this land. Gwendolyn is about as bad as they come when it comes to evil queens, oppressing her people, dressing in gaudy black, and almost completely decimating this lands faerie population, while also stealing their magical green magic in the process.

Across the field is the ruler of the other land in this mystical universe, the good Prince Alexander (Jamie Thomas King), who has been advised by his right hand man Hugh (Otto Jankovich) that he needs to marry Queen Gwendolyn to unite their lands, and hopefully keep the queen from attacking them with her superior army. Just like the queen planned. The queen doesn’t really want the prince, just his land which houses the eternal faerie flame, which will give her unlimited power! Problem is that while the

prince was at the queen’s castle to pay his respects and then ask for her hand… he saw her… a vision of lovely stacked blondness called Snow White (Eliza Bennett). Time to put that marriage proposal on hold because Prince Alexander is in love, plus it still works out since Snow is the daughter of the dead king, making her the princess, which means he can still unite the lands.

Whatever. You know the story… the queen goes through the process of getting rid of Snow, Snow is helped along by some dwarfs, or hostile faerie’s this time around, the queen finds a way to put Snow to sleep forever… with only loves true kiss being able to arouse her back to life. This time we mix things up with CGI dragons, some awful looking CGI dogs brought over from that ‘Almighty Thor’ movie, a little bit of swashbuckling, a touch of faerie magic, all culminating in one of the more anti-climactic Queen v. Princess sword fights you’ll ever want to see. The Queen is lame.

‘Grimm’s Snow White’ has its challenges, to be certain, but it really isn’t all that bad to be honest with you. See, I watch far too many movies of suspect origin, which does tend to alter one’s view of these things, but I also watch way too many movies from ‘The Asylum’. To the point where I can almost tell you which of their on-staff directors crafted whatever film I’m watching. This film, for instance, didn’t have opening credits telling us who directed it, but about ten minutes in I figured it was probably Rachel Goldenberg because she has proven to be the most competent of the current on-staff directors at The Asylum. The girl knows how to frame a scene, she squeezes the most out of her actors… even though some didn’t have all that much to give… she’s figured out how to keep up the pace and her movies tend to look the most ‘cinematic’ of the plethora of movies that The Asylum puts out. Of course these are basic filmmakers skills that all directors should know how to execute, but we know this is not always the case, and also this isn’t to say that ‘Grimm’s Snow White’ is a good movie, but it is a reasonably competent one.

But competence can only take you so far. Aside from Jane March’s completely evil queen, the acting performances were a bit stiff, particularly our hero Prince Alexander.  Eliza Bennett is a very attractive girl but I don’t think she captured the essence of a fairytale princess. How about that for some analysis. And maybe the producers should’ve ponied up for some clothes for the princess to wear other than that one tired, unflattering blue dress she had to wear day in and day out. The CGI effects were worse than usual, I mean anytime you have to borrow effects the truly awful ‘Almighty Thor’ you are already at a severe disadvantage. The narrative was erratic at best, and while we do love Ms. Goldenberg’s style, she hasn’t yet figured out a way to squeeze what the meager budget doled out to craft exciting action sequences.

I say it all the time, but if you’ve just watched ‘Lord of the Rings’ and you’re kind of used to that, then slid over to one of these movies, you’re probably not going to have a good time. But if you watch these movies like we watch these movies, then you have a better appreciation for these movies. ‘Grimm’s Snow White’ has its flaws, some of them insurmountable, but it wasn’t really wasn’t that bad, all things considered. I think I said that already.

Real Time Web