Like a Timex watch the man takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Of course we’re talking about German Director Uwe Boll who on some level has to be admired because of his dogged insistence on buying video game properties, getting funded, producing and directing movie after movie after movie, despite being almost universally reviled. ‘Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance’ will be my third Boll flick with the first being his first ‘Bloodrayne’, which I didn’t hate at all. I didn’t think it was all that good, but it did have Kristana Loken nude in it, which is always a plus and it was incredibly violent. Now his Dungeon Siege tale was something else altogether as that movie was pretty damn bad, Ninjas and all. But alas, they were all better than this particular film which had none of the ‘magic’ of the first ‘Bloodrayne’ but did manage the retain the parts that sucked.

Rayne from the videogame battled Nazi’s, but being that Boll is German and I think there might be some law in Germany against Nazi movies, there are still no Nazi’s to be found as this version of ‘Bloodrayne’ takes place in the wild, wild west. Billy the Kid (Zach Ward) in this reimagining is a vampire and has landed in the town of Deliverance with his gang of blood suckers with a plan. It seems that Deliverance is getting a train depot and I think he plans to use the incoming trains to spread vampirism or something. I’m not sure. Anyway, he’s killed a bunch of the town folk, spared a few like the bartender, because somebody’s gotta pour the liquor, and has taken the towns children who he keeps in his hotel room so he can eat them when he gets hungry. Seriously.

Eventually our damphyr Rayne (Natassia Mathe) rides into town ready to kick some vampire ass with her holy water coated bullets and does manage to take out a few vamps but eventually she gets caught up and is scheduled for a hanging with the charge

of ‘causing a ruckus’. Seriously. Ever the survivor though Rayne makes a daring escape though she is badly injured in the attempt but fortunately she is rescued by Brimstone member and legendary Billy the Kid hunter Pat Garrett (Michael Pare) who gives our fanged heroin a few ounces of his blood which heals her up real quick-like. Now its time for our crew to ride on back into Deliverance, where The Kid is steadily eating the towns children while their parents hang out in the saloon wishing like hell somebody would help them. But before they do that Rayne and Garrett round up a pair of hustlers in a preacher and some other dude, soak some bullets in garlic (seriously) and then ride into town as the clock strikes twelve… midnight that is, not high noon because far be it from my man Uwe to be derivative. Now it’s on as the good guys try to kill the bad vamps with the lives of the towns children in the balance while the townsfolk sit in the saloon drinking, wishing like hell those good guys were doing a better job of saving their children (seriously).

Just so you know, ‘Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance’ is bad in just about every way. It’s a bad Western as it uses every single possible western movie cliché known to man, except the best one with that being an ending with two quick draws in the middle of town, since Billy doesn’t really carry a gun. It’s a bad vampire flick since the movie takes virtually no advantage of Rayne’s vampire abilities, and what the hell did these cowboy vampires do during the daytime? Surely the townsfolk could have the saloon operator open a shutter or two to help their cause? It’s also a terrible action flick as this movie moves about a slow as a cowpoke in pigslop (?), has almost no pulse, no rhythm, and very little style. And why does Uwe Boll hate children no much? Kids were getting there throats ripped out, hung from the neck and other kinds of horrible horrors. I hope they had some kind of safety dude on set standing by when all those little kids were standing around with nooses around their necks.

Now Nastassia Malthe is one fine looking woman who we would love to call our own. However, we at the FCU are pretty big Kristanna Loken fans and deem the big blonde irreplaceable. To that end actually Boll probably could have left the whole ‘Bloodrayne’ element off this movie and just called it ‘Blood by Dawn’ or ‘Deliverance: Vampire Hunter B’ and saved himself some money by not paying Majesco a licensing fee. Trust me, they wouldn’t have thought for a moment that this movie had a damn thing to with their videogame.

After this incredibly lazy effort I have to say I am disappointed in Mr. Boll, for at least his previous films I saw did have some verve. And lord help us all because apparently he’s brewing up a third one of these movies. I’d like to say no way it could be worse than this one, but I will hold my tongue.