Reviewed by
Christopher Armstead
Christopher sighs as the closing credits to ‘Bachelor Party Las Vegas’ comes to a close because Christopher is disappointed, but no overly so, that he was not entertained yet again by yet another straight to DVD moron-com. Why is Christopher talking about himself in the third person? Because Christopher is bored and will do just about anything to keep himself going, on this dreary day of generic movie watching. Christopher often tells the story of sitting at home watching ESPN a few years back with his wife and observing notorious Third Person Talker Jose Canseco drone on and on about how ‘Jose Canseco has to what’s best for Jose Canseco’ and how ‘Jose Canseco is one of the best baseball players ever’ and how ‘Jose Canseco is unfazed by all of the criticism that Jose Canseco gets’. Christopher’s wife, having no earthly idea who in the hell Jose Canseco is, asks Christopher ‘Who is Jose Canseco and why is that guy so concerned about him?’ This is when Christopher learned that people who speak in the third person are stupid. Or Awesome. Depending on the situation.
Nathan (Jonathan Bennett) is getting married. Nathan has a cadre of incredibly diverse buddies which include Eli (Aaron Himelstein) the Jewish dude, Ash (Donald Faison) the Black Guy, Johnny (Charlie Talbot) the funny fat dude and Z-Bob (Kal Penn) the screw up who represents all the other remaining ethnic groups. Though the crew is somewhat reticent to allow Z-Bob to be in control of the situation, they none the less allow the one of them who screws up the most to plan their most awesome bachelor party trip to Las Vegas.
Even just sitting in the airport terminal is full of fun and mayhem and hi-jinx for our crew of wacky Y-gens as Z-Bob gets accosted trying to get past the metal detector, just like that dude Kumar did, who looks just like Z-Bob, in that movie ‘Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay’. I know Kal Penn is happy for the work and all, but he might want to tell the next group of filmmakers that the whole Muslim looking dude getting harassed at the airport joke is getting a little tired.
Anyway, after the fun in the terminal, the fun on the airplane and the joy of seeing actress Jamie Pressley as they walk through the Las Vegas terminal it’s time to hookup with the legendary Mr. Kidd (Vincent Pastore), the worlds premiere bachelor party planner. Or so they thought. Turns this guy is really just a dude who is using our heroes to rob casinos which sends our team of befuddled putzes on a run through the desert where they meet hostile Ultimate Fighters, porn set fluffers, female Elvis Pressley impersonators, fat chicks who make fun of their dicks, a wayward five million dollar payout and some extremely uptight FBI agents with all the blame for this disaster falling on the legendary screw up Z-Bob. But true friends always stand by each others side even when facing life in jail for armed grand theft and murder. At least I think that’s the message that we’re supposed to get. Beats the hell outta me.
‘Bachelor Party Vegas’ isn’t a ‘bad’ movie you know? I’ve seen some really bad movies and this isn’t one of them. Kal Penn is ‘Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj’ is a BAD movie and Christopher was trying to find a BAD movie that Donald Faison has been in, but looking at Mr. Faison’s filmography, he’s never been in a movie that Christopher considers overly bad. Damn. Unfortunately for Mr. Faison this is the worst movie that Christopher has ever seen him in. Anyway, no, this isn’t a ‘bad’ movie as some of the jokes actually work, but not nearly enough of them work for this comedy for it to qualify as ‘funny’. As far as the action elements go Christopher found this movie sorely predictable and then there was incredibly forced sentimentality that Christopher thought this film could have seriously left on the cutting room floor or at the very least toned down because Christopher doesn’t care if these friends ‘get along’ and find ‘love’ at the end. He just wants to spit pop out through his nose and choke on his popcorn in laughter. Also as more and more ridiculous things happen to our heroes it’s becoming increasingly obvious that there must some kind of twist coming to the point that the twist isn’t a twist anymore. At this juncture the twist would have been if there was no twist. This Christopher would have found surprising.
Christopher gives the example of the movie ‘American Pie: Beta House’ for that movie was about as tasteless and offensive as they come, but it’s a virtual blueprint of how a moron-com should be done. No holds barred, completely tasteless and an average of a titty a minute. Not that ‘Beta House’ was the second coming of ‘Blazing Saddles’ or anything, but it just didn’t give a damn. ‘Bachelor Party Las Vegas’ started out like it wasn’t about to give a damn, but then it found a heart somewhere along the way which ultimately made the movie generic and run-of-the-mill.
Like Christopher said, this wasn’t a bad movie but it was a disappointing one as it had a decent setup, a good hook for mayhem and hilarity and the cast to pull it off. Oh well. Man, how in the hell do people do this third person nonsense. I have even less respect for Jose Canseco now than I did before I wrote this mess and that’s AFTER watching Via Sikahema kick his ass in that boxing ring. YouTube it. It’s pretty damn funny and it only last about forty five seconds.
