Let’s see if we can get through this whole review of ‘Zombie Strippers’ without referring to former porn star Jenna Jameson as Former Porn Star Jenna Jameson. Oh. So much for that. But fortunately for the former porn star, I apparently have never seen any of her work in her previous career, though I have seen my fair share of adult entertainment – mostly for research purposes of course. I mention this because I had no idea which one of these flat-assed, bony, fake-breasted, heavily painted women actually was Ms. Jameson. Eventually though I think I figured out which one she was for whatever that’s worth. About ‘Zombie Strippers’, all things considered it wasn’t all THAT bad, but it wasn’t all that good either and actually played out a lot like an extended demo reel for whomever did the gore makeup in this flick because that dude seriously put in some work.
The film starts out cleverly enough as we are introduced to America in the very near future and given a satirical political report of what is in store for us as George W. Bush enters his fourth term as president. With our armed forced stretched thin fighting wars against every single Middle Eastern nation, along with the hated foes of the French and the Canadians, a group of scientist have been given the go ahead to create some kind of retro-virus that will reanimate dead flesh so our soldiers can keep on doing what needs to be done. As we well know, reanimating dead flesh is generally a bad idea and when the virus breaks free in the lab infecting most of the research scientist in this lab, a group of hard nosed marines are called in to handle their business. Unfortunately one of the soldiers is bitten and when he observes how his colleagues dispatch of others who have been bitten by the zombie menace he makes a fast break for it.
Damn if making a run
doesn’t lead this cat straight into a blind pig style
strip club, illegal because the President has outlawed
all public nudity. So this soldier is sitting around
slowly zombifying and enjoying the show while we are
privileged to witness the
inner social structure that is the strip club mythos with strippers completely hating on each other. Eventually this guys thirst for human flesh overwhelms him and he kills lead stripper Kat (Jameson) who amazingly comes back to life to the great joy of the slimy club owner Ian (Robert Englund), who immediately sticks her back on the pole leading to the best line in the movie delivered by the house D.J. with ‘Is this a good idea? I mean the bitch was dead a minute ago.’ It just so happens that the crowd really seems to love the Zombie Strippers, despite the fact that she takes the patrons in the back room for lap dances and then eats them, leading to the other strippers desiring to become zombiefied and take their stripping to the next level. Now the club is pretty much overrun with zombies, with nothing but trouble on the way if they ever make it out of the club, which our heroes, whoever they happen to be in this movie, can’t very well let happen.
A much better monster stripper movie is the Kelly Hu flick ‘Devil’s Den’ though ‘Zombie Strippers’ pretty much has it beat on the gore factor. Hell, ‘Zombie Strippers’ practically has every movie ever made in recent memory beat in the gore factor. I mean the French horror flick ‘Frontiers’ garnered a NC-17 rating from the MPAA for gore and this had that flick beat hands down. Admittedly a lot of the gore was comical in nature but there were still plenty of heads getting blown off and folks getting their faces and genitalia chewed to bits along with just about any other zombie-riffic act of violence your imagination can conjure up. As I said earlier, this film really starts out well as political satire but actually falters when it sequesters itself away in the strip club because the strippers themselves weren’t all that interesting, whereas the actors playing the soldiers in the beginning of the movie were actually pretty funny. Plus the female soldiers were generally hotter than the ladies playing the strippers to boot. Except for actress Jeanette Sousa who can play a stripper anytime she wants in any movie she wants if I have any say so in the matter. Which I don’t. There were some clever humorous bits in the movie while it was in the strip club, but for the most part it was watching women in decaying makeup swing on poles and waiting for heads to get blown off, which kind of got old.
Despite the fact that ‘Zombie Strippers’ may not make my top ten list at the end of the year, if actually did something like that, I believe that director Jay Lee succeeded in doing what he was trying to do which was to show massive amounts of fake breast and gore and try not to totally suck in the process, and to that end, I declare ‘Zombie Strippers’ a complete success. I just can’t believe that this movie skirted a Direct to Video release and somehow got a limited theater run which means I can’t use it for my TV show Totally Twisted Flix (Shameless Plug). That sucks for me. Eventually it always comes back to me.