Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Inbred hillbillies. Out of all of the monstrosities that the movies have introduced over the years I believe the ones I’d least like to run into are inbred hillbillies. I’d rather deal with Jason, Michael and Freddy all at the same time than a brood of cannibalistic inbred hillbillies. I’d rather have to fight a cracked out Jason Bourne hand to hand than have to deal with an inbred hillbilly on his own turf. I would rather have to face off against a wire crossed Robocop, O-dog from Menace II Society and Dirty Harry with a big toe bunion than deal with an inbred hillbilly because there’s nothing good that can come from an inbred hillbilly. For Real. Not only do our heroes in ‘Wrong Turn 2’ have to deal with a brood of murderous cannibalistic inbred hillbillies, they have to deal with murderous cannibalistic inbred hillbillies who have been drinking chemical runoff for the last 40 years making them super strong. Yeah, good luck with that fellas.

Former American Idol contestant Kimberly Caldwell, playing herself in this film, is attempting to get to her new gig which is some kind of Survivor style reality show and is none too happy about it, particularly since she’s lost in the woods somewhere trying to find out where the hell she’s supposed to be. Well Kimberly makes a ‘Wrong Turn’ somewhere and end ups smashing her rental into some dude in the middle of the road. Spastic, the girl tries to help the dude, but that was a big mistake because she hit a genetically enhanced inbred hillbilly merely pretending to be hurt. Junior grabs the pretty blonde and chews her face off then Papa grabs her and takes his ax and splits her two, bloody entrails falling to the road. I don’t even know if the opening credits have rolled yet.

Our show will be hosted by Marine Colonel Dale Murphy (Henry Rollins) and will star Nina (Erica Leehrsen) the hostile vegan, Amber (Daniella Alonso) the lesbian Iraq war marine vet, Jonesy (Steve Braun) the wise cracking extreme sports washout, Elena (Crystal Lowe) the whore, and Jake (Texas Battle) the Jock, who also has the added

misfortune of being the Black Guy. Our show is being produced by Michael (Matthew Currie Holmes) and his girlfriend Mara (Aleska Palladino). When it becomes obvious that Kimberly isn’t going to make it for reasons that are unknown to our crew, Mara steps into her place. Initially the goal was to be the last man standing and take home the 100,000 dollar prize. As the film goes on, the goal will be adjusted. Without going into too much detail our contestants disappear into the woods and what will follow in our little survival horror sequel will be some of the most brutal scenes of violence ever committed to film, or HD video tape or whatever they shot this thing on. Brutal.

As I don’t have a point of reference from the original film to draw upon since I’ve never seen it, we can only go by what we are presented in this sequel by first time director Joe Lynch. All I can tell you is that if you like gore horror then you should be in blood letting heaven. However if you aren’t one for gore horror or incestual inbred hillbilly sex, then seriously why would you even THINK of putting this DTV compendium of disgust in your Netflix or Blockbuster cue? Nobody seriously drags their happy ass to video store these days anymore do they? Though the story itself breaks no new ground as we have been dealing with inbred hillbillies behaving badly, at least in my memory, since Burt Reynolds and Jon Voight had issues with them back in ‘Deliverance’, what you will see is some rather creative ways to mess folks up real bad. Faces get eaten, bodies explode into bloody pulps, arrows go through eye sockets – that one was particularly inventive I might say, bodies go through grinders and heads really have a difficult time staying attached to the neck. I’m probably as tough as they come but even I had to turn my head on a few scenes in this one as some of this stuff was extremely difficult to watch. Probably not the ideal family viewing situation is this ‘Wrong Turn 2’.

Even the narrative in this gore horror flick was decent as our screenwriters manage to place our heroes in a situation, as outlandish as it may have been, in which the characters actually did things that conceivably real people would do in this horrific situation, and our cast of pretty and handsome eye candy performed quite admirably in their nutty situations. And does anybody truly rock any harder than Henry Rollins? I think not.

We have determined from the numerous reviews that I have written that for the most part we aren’t dealing with around these parts, and not to insult anybody but ‘Wrong Turn 2’ definitely ain’t art. But I think it is what it set out to be and that was a horrific, eye wincing, head turning, stomach churning display of what some warped dudes idea of entertainment is, and it succeeded perfectly in pulling that off. Dealing with Zombies are Hillbillies? I’ll take zombies ‘cause they are slow and don’t know how to rig a bear trap.

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