Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
Every once in a while my journey to the past to watch every single Sci-Fi Original Movie ever made surprises us.  And by 'surprise' I mean I actually watch a movie that didn't make me want to end my life.  Director David Wu's 'Webs' is that movie.  A good movie?  Oh good heavens no, but entertaining one?  I'd have to say yes.

A crew of Chicago electricians are at some abandoned building to shut down the power so it can be demolished.  But in the basement is a backroom that isn't on the blueprint.  What could it be?  Well, it's a room with a mini-nuclear reactor in it with a bunch of buttons.  What our head electrician with the long flowing locks, Dean (Richard Greico) would his buddies to do in NOT press buttons or touch stuff.  They heard just the opposite.  Next thing you know a bright light erupts from the floor with Dean and his colleague Junior (Jason Jones) transported to a Chicago that's looking a little unfamiliar to them right now.  The streets are deserted, there are webs everywhere, but back home their other two homies Ray (Richard Yearwood) and Sheldon (Jeffrey Douglas) are feverishly looking for a solution.  Note that these two suck at solution searching.  Meanwhile in the other Chicago, Dean is dealing with Elena the tough hottie (Kate Greenhouse) who is mesmerized by Dean's flowing locks, like any normal woman would be, and lest we forget Crane (David Nerman) the terminally pissed off dude who hates Dean.  I think it's the long flowing locks that are setting him off.

Turns out that this world is inhabited by mutated zombie creatures with giant claws, all caused when some thirty years ago super smart Dr. Morelli (Colin Fox) created a portal to a parallel universe.  It's all quantumly complicated and stuff, but his portal also
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opened a portal to a monster world which allowed a super smart, super evil giant spider queen to cross over, essentially destroying this alternate planet Earth.  Doctor Morelli feels really bad about this.  But to his credit he has been looking for a solution for saving this this alternate Earth he accidentally destroyed, and lucky him an electrician with 'the mark' has showed up.  The Mark?  A generic tattoo because alternate Earth doesn't have tattoos.  Somehow after hearing that news, despite the killer spider zombies, alternate Earth isn't looking so bad right now to the few survivors.  Crazier still is that his electrician buddies Ray and Sheldon have come to save him.  Ray tried to tell the authorities that there is an alternate universe with giant spider mutant zombies on it, but for some reason nobody believed him.  I don't want to say nothing about nothing, but I think it's because he was a black guy.

The plan is for Dr. Fox to fix the situation, build a new time warp or whatever the hell it is, and save the six or seven people left alive on the planet earth before the Spider Queen learns of the new time warp and makes it to our planet.  It's not looking good for our heroes and Ray the Black Guy is dead set on taking a load of money back into our world through the time warp.  Not that I'm mad at Ray for wanting to acquire a bunch of loot, because I'm totally down with that, but since this is alternate earth that has been overrun with spider zombies for thirty years, he might want to check whose picture is on these dollar bills of this alternate Earth.  That's all I'm saying, Ray.  Spider Zombie mayhem shall ensue.

One of the more interesting things about 'Webs' is that it was directed by David Wu, who is a somewhat noted and very busy director and editor from Hong Kong, and thus his directing this movie probably makes him the most seasoned director of a Sci-Fi original ever.  Now nobody is saying that Mr. Wu is actually a good director, as many who have seen and decried 'The Bride with the White Hair 2' would exclaim, but he is nonetheless seasoned.  To that end I'd have to say that it is David Wu's experience that pushed 'Webs' forward, busts it through the total lunacy, wrangles a pretty a good performance out Richard Greico… including tears… and makes 'Webs' quite the watchable waste of valuable time.

Of course the film is plenty stupid, but 'intelligence' and 'Sci-Fi Original' are mutually exclusive so we accept this self-evident truth and move on.  I mean if a shiny light beams up from the floor, after punching buttons on a mini-nuclear reactor no less, should any one jump into the shiny light?  Of course not.  Which makes the next the three guys that follow this dude into the shiny nuclear light even stupider.  My master electrician brother-in-law was in the room while this movie was on, and needless to say he was appalled at the 'skill' of these 'electricians' whose only electrical technique consisted of tapping open wires against each other, which of course any idiot with opposable thumbs could pull off.  And of course there's greedy ass Ray… alternate universe, broken leg, spider zombies everywhere, and all Ray could see was the abandoned cash that probably had Ted Kennedy's picture on it.  I'm surprised he didn't roll the dead spider zombies for their abandoned wallets.  Ray… I tell you.

No work of art by any means but fast moving nonsense that gets the job done in a ludicrous and efficient matter.  That is 'Webs'.
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