Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Oh the taglines for this classic… considered by many who actually lived through those wonderful 70’s as the worst Blaxsploitation movie ever… a claim I will not be able to refute in the next few paragraphs, but the taglines are easily amongst the best ever. T.N.T. Jackson… she will put you in Traction! Don’t light this mama’s fuse… because T.N.T. will EXPLODE! T.N.T… this mama is DYNAMITE!!! If only the movie was just a fifth as good as the taglines.

Jeannie Bell is Diana T.N.T. Jackson, and she’s in Hong Kong to find out what happened to her brother. He’s totally dead by the way, killed at the Kabuki Theater. Okay, so Kabuki is Japanese and this probably wasn’t Kabuki Theater, but this movie wasn’t shot in Hong Kong either so we can get away with this. Also, just so you know, if the Good Lord were to say ‘Chris, I need you to design me woman’, I wouldn’t have to do much but show the Good Lord pictures of Jeannie Bell, one of His readymade designs, and I would inform Him that this one will do fine because Jeannie Bell is just about physically perfect. Sure, she’s old enough to be my mom today, but back in ’75… this chick was DYNAMITE!!!

First thing T.N.T. needs to do is make it to the rough and tumble section of Hong Kong known offensively enough as ‘Yellow Town’, which subsequently results in a half dozen dudes getting their asses kicked via speeded up film stock and a male stuntman. Jeannie Bell might be fine, but her kung fu… Oh my. With that little bit of business out of the way, T.N.T. makes the acquaintance of club owner, dojo master Joe ‘Dynamite’ Wong (Chiquito) who will serve as Robin to T.N.T’s Batman as they get down to the eventual business of killing blokes who deal dope. They’re going to EXPLODE!!!

Another fight ensues at the club, you might want to get used to random fights breaking out, but this time the fight is witnessed by the super smooth, super afro sporting kung fu master Mr. Charlie (Stan Shaw) who finds T.N.T. quite to his liking. Even though he killed her brother. She doesn’t know this yet and neither does he. Joe knows, but he was being a dick about disseminating info for some reason. Charlie is the punishment man for the heroin dealing Mr. Sid (Ken Metcalfe), but Mr. Sid is running into a little bit of trouble because somebody on the inside of his organization is jacking his heroin shipments. Is it Charlie? Or maybe it’s Ming (Max Alvarado) his heroin connection, or maybe it’s his moll, the kung fu fighting blonde Elaine (Pat Anderson). It’s one of those three, but let’s go ahead and blame the Black Chick from D.C., that sounds like a plan, because these fools are about to make T.N.T. DETONATE!!!

A bunch more fights break out, including an awesome bitch battle between T.N.T. and Elaine with results in the audience getting some bombshell secrets revealed… not really… but I could see how they might think this to be so back in ’75, and eventually T.N.T. learns the truth about Mr. Charlie, but not before he got that ass. This will lead to the kung fu battle to end all kung fu battles, as the 5’2" 105 pound sister with the big fro takes on the 6’2" 225 pound kung faster with the bigger fro. You would think T.N.T. wouldn’t have a chance, especially when Charlie breaks out his ‘wiggly hand’ technique, but Mr. Charlie is about to get BLOWED THE F@*K UP!!!

Directed by the late, great Cirio H. Santiago, a man who has committed a laundry list of cinematic crimes against humanity in his lengthy film career, I don’t know if there are many of Mr. Santiago’s film that could be worse than ‘T.N.T. Jackson’. Or at least I don’t want to find out. Unfortunately, the best thing about this movie is also this movies biggest downfall, and that’s its star Jeannie Bell. Ms. Bell is as cute a button with her big round eyes, pouty mouth, perfect skin and of course her slim figure with the bumps in the right places, but alas at this early time in her career the woman was no actress, or a kung fu artist, in a movie that probably needed both to succeed. Now in the year 2011 watching Ms. Bell do her artificially accelerated Kung Fu was high comedy, but in 1975 when one had Cleo Jones, and Foxy and Cleo Wong, among other high kicking hot mamas all doing bad kung fu, Mr. Bell’s kung fu, probably the worst of them all, was probably more insulting than anything else.

There were other issues such as entire scenes that were missing, at least from the print of the movie that I had, the lamest group of bad guys ever in movie history, and T.N.T’s topless kung fu battle in the dark. T.N.T. is black right? So she gets topless, hits the lights and naturally you can’t see her because she’s black, right? Plus she’s wearing some tight black panties. At least when she wasn’t wearing white panties in other shots during this scene, and she kicks much ass in the darkness. My only thing was when she hit the lights, nobody could see anybody. Who knew T.N.T. had night vision? At least we had Stan Shaw and his wiggly hands of Kung Fu to save the day. Seriously, Stan Shaw was really good in this, even though he did a terrible job of pulling off the illusion of making his fight with T.N.T. seem fair. But I don’t know if anybody could’ve pulled that off.

Yes, ‘T.N.T. Jackson’ is terrible, but I’m pretty sure it played worse in 1975 than it does today, because right now it’s one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. And perky boobs are timeless as is turns out.

Real Time Web Analytics