Reviewed by Christopher Armstead |
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Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers abound in this here review as it is more a deconstruction than a review. I invite anyone to chime in and help a guy out here. We have certain
requirements of our Science Fiction. We all
know there is no such thing as a Jedi Knight, but
for us to buy into their non-existence, there are
certain elements of their fantasy world that much
coincide with ours.
Even though it’s a fantasy, people should
still act and react a certain way, certain protocols
should be followed, and certain laws should be
acknowledged. Warner
Brothers A Sound of Thunder pretty much
says ‘screw all that noise’. So it
goes like this:
Time travel has become a reality in the
year 2053. But
it’s all under the control of one man, Charles
Hatton (academy award winner Sir Ben
Kinglsey). He
uses this amazing power to launch his company Time
Safari, where he takes folks back in time to hunt
dinosaurs.
Actually, they don’t hunt. The
super computer has calculated a moment in time
where this T-Rex appears just minutes before a
volcano wipes out everything in the area. Since
the T-rex is gonna die anyway, nothing in our
extremely volatile and sensitive evolution is
going to be messed with. In theory at least. The
government isn’t to concerned with this as these
time jumps are loosely monitored by a smarmy
bureaucrat who is more concerned with retirement
than making sure human history isn’t destroyed. So,
when you make this time jump, you're on this 2 foot
wide platform with about 8 other people. A T-Rex is
coming to eat you, but our tour guide (Edward Burns)
warns us not to step off the platform or you may kill
something and ultimately destroy us all. |
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Yeah, there’s a T-rex
coming, but it’s all under control. Somehow
someone eventually is going to step off the
platform. When
that eventuality happens, evolution is irrevocably
changed, and our heroes must rush to set things
right. Before
it’s to late!!! Other than the fact
this flick has some of the worst green screening CGI
I’ve ever seen, I mean 6 o’clock local weather bad,
there are many many problems here. Let’s
start with we would consider protocol in the real
world. Now
I know our government is down with big business and
all, but even the most pro business minded
Republican controlled senate would probably think
that going back in time and killing stuff is a
fairly bad idea.
Arlen Spector, who I’m positive will still be
alive in 2053 wouldn’t even vote for that one. One of the things
that’s made clear to us, is that it is critical that
in case some one does step off the 2 foot platform
that they bring nothing back with them. To insure
this happens, they have installed a bio filter that
cleans off all extemporaneous biological matter. But
Billionaire Charles Hatton has turned if off. Why? Because
it USES TOO MUCH ELECTRICTY! I know
energy bills are high, but jeez... See a
nice prehistoric plant? Bring it on back. See a
baby raptor? Bring
it on back! The supersonic weight
calculator, which apparently doesn’t use too much
electricity, has determined that the group weighed
.2 ounces more when they returned than when they
left. Our
heroes must now find out what happened and are going
to track down our last two surf safari customers. Why? Because
their time travel space suits probably have the
offensive bio matter stuck to them. Why don’t
they just run into the company closet and grab the
suits the clients used? Because this cheap ass
company doesn’t provide time travel space suits for
you of course, you must go down to Old Navy and buy
your own. Sure enough, some dude has a dead butterfly stuck to his shoe. I should mention that all of reality has changed. Plants grow everywhere, there are hordes of man-eating bullet proof Gibbon fused cheetahs along with pterodactyl bats and Lochness dragons making life miserable for humans. Even though the timeline has been irreparably altered, all of our buildings and structures still stand, GM still found a way to make cars, and hard drives still conveniently exist. This is convenient because apparently in the future you can take this hard drive and stick it in just about anything to make a time machine. But if you do change reality then there would be no time machine, right? Thus nothing would happen and everything would be back to normal. Hmmm. Obviously I’m no Stephen Hawking and that D- I pulled in Quantum Physics is starting to show itself. But here’s the biggest
problem. Time
Safari kills this particular T-Rex because a volcano
wipes out the entire area, thus it was gonna die in
a few seconds anyway.
So killing this butterfly, which apparently
is responsible for a boatload of evolutionary
mitosis, wouldn’t change a damn thing because the
volcano too should have wiped it out as well,
correct? A shame too because this one had some potential. Directed by one of my favorite higher end b-movie directors, Peter Hyams, who also bought us The Relic and Time Cop, A Sound of Thunder had the underpinnings of decent flick. With the slightest bit of attention to detail and a little more imagination it could have been a popcorn classic. On a good note though, it now goes into the so bad it’s almost good category. Move over Catwoman, you have some company. |
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