The family was at some movie when the trailer
for this movie 'The Watch' ran, and it was funny. I then
turned to my young son and warned him that this funny trailer
was a solid indication that this movie was probably going to
suck, basing this on the experience that a large spate of
recent comedies released, the few decent jokes they had in the
running time was placed in the trailer to generate some
interest. But hey, I could be wrong. I believe I
said in these very pages that 'My Super Ex-Girlfriend' would
be the surprise hit of the year when it was released, so
clearly movie prognostication isn't my thing. As it
turns out, at least in my opinion, 'The Watch' didn't suck,
but it was still disappointing considering the talent involved
and the simple fact that dick jokes and pervasive vulgarity
don't necessarily equate into solid humor.
Evan (Ben Stiller) is a manager at Costco. I'm guessing
Sam's Club or B.J's didn't come up with the loot required for
this amazing product placement opportunity this movie gave
Costco, because if I've learned one thing from watching this
movie, it's that Costco is awesome. Life is good for
Evan in this town in Ohio he lives in as everybody loves
everybody, the sun shines all the time, and whenever you need
something you can go to Costco. Tragically one night,
one of Evan's security guards is brutally murdered and to help
find this killer Evan sends out a notice to this city that
he's starting a Neighborhood Watch program. Three people
show up in Bob the boorish clown (Vince Vaughn), Franklin the
unhinged overweight clown (Jonah Hill) and Jamarcus the
British minority of unknown ethnicity (Richard Ayoade).
Jamarcus could really stand to be faded out a bit. Or at
least get his edges trimmed because you're in the USA now
brother and we don't walk around looking like that unless
we're homeless.
The problem with this watch is that while
Evan takes it all super serious and stuff, the other three
just want to have a good time, drink beer and talk
dirty. That is until they stumble upon the alien, and
it's not a happy, fun E.T. type alien either, unless it's
confusing human intestines for Reese's Pieces. Now the
watch has a situation, this being that Aliens are in whatever
the name of this town was, and they have to stop them.
Worst still is that these aliens have the ability to step into
our skin and look just like us which doesn't seem possible
considering what they look like when they are not in human
skin. Worst still is that this movie has some melodrama
infused in the narrative such as Evan's inability to
impregnate his wife Abby (Rosemary Dewitt), Bob's desperate
attempts to preserve his daughter's virginity, and Evan's
controlling issues. Understandably though he is the
manager of a Costco, Costco's being awesome and all, which
subsequently might lead a man to think he's the king of all
that is.
Since aliens have invaded the planet Earth, Costco in
particular, their ultimate goal, of course, is world
domination. Our four watch members cannot and will not
let that happen. In theory mass hilarity shall
ensue. In actual execution, mild amusement was the order
of the day.
Director Akiva Schaeffer's 'The Watch' is a moribund
collection of tired performances, sporadic comedy, vulgarity
overload and really suspect Science Fiction made palatable by
Richard Ayoade and a very funny guest appearance turned in by
Billy Crudup. About the vulgarity overload, I mean I
like a tasteless comedy as much as the next guy but there's
vulgarity that leads to the path of comedy, then there's
vulgarity which is vulgarity for the sake vulgarity. I'm
sure the scribes behind 'The Watch', one of whom being noted
vulgarist Seth Rogen, believed they were taking the vulgar
comedy path, but alas what we got was a bunch of dick jokes
and semen jokes and urine references which ended up being more
uncomfortable than anything else. Then we have our
actors, Ben Stiller playing a furrowed browed, put upon
everyman, Vince Vaughn doing that thing he does and Jonah Hill
as the quick talking overweight guy who says inappropriate
things at inappropriate times. In theory one would
suppose that having actors do what they do best should work
like a charm, in 'The Watch' however it came across as tired,
lazy and uninspired. Richard Ayoade however exploded on
the screen as fresh and funny. Now this cat has being
doing his comedy for years across the pond, and it's possible
that there are folks who are familiar with his brand of comedy
and might've observed that he too was doing that Ayoade thing
he always does, but since this was the first time I've seen
him in anything, Ayoade and his accent were killing me and
ultimately was almost this movies saving grace.
The special effects were pretty cool though, and the movie was
surprisingly gory for those who enjoy a little bloody
evisceration wedged in between their suspect comedy.
Ultimately though the mild chuckles provided for us via 'The
Watch' was far less than the huge guffaws we were banking on
going in. Betrayed by a trailer yet again.
