Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

While the title ‘The Sex Movie’ may be provocative, before renting this little drama you should think more along the lines of ‘Dawson’s Creek’ where all the kids talk real dirty.  Or kinda real dirty.  Not too dissimilar than the angst ridden teens in ‘Dawson’s Creek’ or whatever prime time teen drama might come to mind, excluding ‘Saved by the Bell’, this quartet of pretty twenty something white kids have some serious sexual issues and by God they’re going to spend the next eighty or so minutes talking about them.  And sticking fingers in butt holes.

Kris (Michelle Mosely) is the morally loose straight girl, J.D. (Matthew Tyler) is rigidly uptight straight dude, Rafe (Matthew Tyler) is the lonely gay dude who we think loves J.D. and Heidi (Eleese Longino) is one hell of man-hating hostile lesbian.  During the day these four disparate personalities work on a L.A. porno set, but Kris has a just got a new place and she’s invited her friends to come over and spend a fun time drinking, doing drugs, and playing ‘games’ of some sort.  Never having taken ecstasy, I’m going to assume it’s a rather fast acting narcotic since within seconds the lunacy begins when J.D. starts bragging about his penis and the ladies challenge him to whip it out.  He does but only after he convinces the girls to start making out so they can see it in all it’s glory.  This gets the gay guy all worked up and he kind of touches the super uptight J.D. who slaps the stuffing out of Rafe and now it’s on.  To prove he’s not a gay basher, J.D. and Rafe holds each other dicks.  Note that I’m just telling what’s going on – and no, there is no nudity of any sort in this film.  Well, I’m a believer that J.D. doesn’t hate gays, but the rest of our crew isn’t so sure.  If holding another man’s dick, and a gay dudes dick at that ain’t proof enough, then I don’t know what else a guy can do.

Then J.D. says some stuff to get Heidi all wound up, Heidi says some stuff that gets Rafe all wound up, Kris challenges Rafe’s gayness, Heidi challenges Kris’ whoreness,

everybody challenges J.D.’s straightness to which J.D. has some fairly shocking revelations for us.  Oh, and J.D. gets cuffed to a chair with his pants down with a woman on woman one end with a condom on her fingers and the other woman at the other end with an ice cube in her mouth.  And in the end, we get to witness what was becoming increasingly obvious in the first place.

Somewhere in the middle of ‘The Sex Movie’ J.D., I think, proclaims that ‘Everybody is all fucked up, and we should just blow up the world!’  Well I don’t know if EVERYBODY is all fucked up but these four people certainly are.  Your enjoyment of the incredibly dialog heavy ‘The Sex Movie’ will entirely depend on your ability to relate to the characters, their litany of problems and their multitude of sexual issues.  For the most part I could care less about the issues paralyzing these krazy filthy talking, dick holding kids.  Part of this is because all of them, every single one of them are so incredibly unlikable.  At first it would seem odd that four people from these four divergent sexual backgrounds could be hanging out in the first place, but after you spend some quality time this quartet you realize that they need each other because nobody else could possibly stand to be around them for any extended period of time.  J.D. is going insult you, Rafe is going to hit on your straight friends no matter how much they protest, Kris will go down on all of your friends – right there in the living room if dare challenge her, and if you say ‘boo’ to Heidi she might very well cut you.  So from where I was sitting, the sooner these cats got out of my house the better.

Writer / director Colton Lawrence presents his film much in the manner of a stage play with largely a singular location and the heavy reliance on rapid dialog.  His cast of relatively inexperienced actors do fairly well with their respective roles, with a few exceptions with some of the delivery coming off occasionally as ‘acting’ and not communicating, but considering how much the story had to lean on them, their work here is admirable.  Especially if their goal was to make their characters unlikable.  ‘The Sex Movie’ does bring up a lot of issues and I’m certain it’s a film that will spawn discussion from any group who sees it, I just found the characters, not the subject matter, so distasteful that it’s a difficult movie for me to stand behind.  So to speak.

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