Reviewed by
Christopher Armstead
The ‘Final Destination’ series stopped being actual movies a while ago and now are just glorified OSHA training videos. Seriously. Make sure you’re fire extinguisher is charged, make sure you unplug all construction tools such as nail guns and the like, make sure you tie your kids shoes when riding on escalators, be certain all ceiling mounts for ceiling fans are secure and for the love of God make sure you look both ways before crossing the street. There are way more work place safety rules which are violated in this fourth installment of the horror series but that’s just a little something to get us started.
I think we all know the routine by now. This time we have some attractive kids hanging out at a NASCAR race when Nick (Bobby Campo) has a vision of something going terribly wrong resulting in the deaths of all his friends and a bunch of other folks. Nick freaks out, freaks out a few of those around him as they exit the coliseum just before tragedy strikes. Now I think it nigh time we start to question who or what is responsible for these ‘visions’. Is Death doing this? Is Death bored and infuses some death visions into somebody’s head so he can have some fun violating OSHA safety standards and killing people? Even more unsettling is that it could be an ‘outside’ force doing this. So this other entity, believing it’s doing these kids a favor by giving them a heads up, but then doesn’t do jack to help these kids one tiny bit while Death devises the Rube Goldberg type traps to totally eviscerate these folks. Not cool.
Since these answers aren’t coming our way anytime soon all we are left to do is sit back on the edge of our seats and watch things go terribly wrong… and that is really all there is to this movie. Seriously. That’s it. Other than it is in 3D.
There probably isn’t anything simpler, as far as filmmaking goes, than putting together a ‘Final Destination’ movie. Whatever was fresh or clever story wise was taken care of in the first film and the subsequent movies have done very little to build on that at all, least of all this one which runs at an incredibly brisk 75 minutes. So the story has been written already, and while there is a credited screenwriter, it’s not like this screenwriter actually had to do anything, so check… we have a script. Since we have a script we also need a cast and this cast should include a group of attractive people who can remember their lines and won’t cost too much money. Toss in Krista Allen, who is still sizzling hot, and Mykelti Williamson for a hint of acting legitimacy and check… the movie is cast. Grab a director who has done this before in David R. Ellis and now we have a director to keep this project moving on time and under budget. The only thing left to do is find ways to kill people. That’s it. That is the only thing that any dedicated thought seems to be given to when they set about crafting a ‘Final Destination’ movie. Oh, and lets put it in 3D this time to at least make it seem like we’re doing something different.
It is because of these mitigating factors that ‘reviewing’ a ‘Final Destination’ movie is fairly pointless. It’s not a bad movie… in the sense that a Big Mac brought in Los Angeles is worse than a Big Mac brought in Boise. It’s the same. If you like Big Mac’s then you like Big Mac’s. If you enjoyed Final Destinations II and III, we leave the first one off the list because it was a reasonably different type of horror flick, then there’s really no reason that you won’t like this one. Sit in your chair and wait for the neato new ways that the filmmakers have dreamed up how to kill people. With the exception of that problem of not looking both ways when crossing the street.
However if you’re damn sick and tired of eating Big Mac’s and want something a little different on the menu then this isn’t the movie for you. Kind of like it really wasn’t the movie for me. Personally wouldn’t have minded a Double Whopper with cheese. Not unlike the bright minds behind ‘The Final Destination’ I give you food analogies and football analogies because that’s the best I can do.