Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
My friends, I have no idea what I have just seen with this movie 'The Devils Sword', but I do know that is has blown my mind.  One could argue that there isn't much left to blow anymore, though one probably wouldn't make that argument to my face, because I'm badass, but nonetheless, it is blown.  I will try to describe what I have seen in the 1980's Indonesian Sword and Sorcery epic, but it will not be easy.

A meteor falls from the sky.  I assume from Satan.  And an old wise man grabs the hot rock and makes a sword out of it.  I don't know why.  I think this is The Devil's Sword. 

Fast forward many years for the wedding between Pita Loca (Enny Christina) and her true love Sanjay.  Unfortunately for the love birds, The Crocodile Queen (Guid Sintara) has decided she wants Sanjay for her own.  Apparently the people of this land are forced to offer up various males in sacrifice to The Crocodile Queen as sex slaves if they want to keep her happy, which can't be easy because as we can clearly see, the Queen's appetite for sex is no joke. 

To get Sanjay, the Queen dispatches her top warrior Banyunjaga (Advent Bangun) who busts out of a bunch of rocks wielding his double swords to take Sanjay back to the Queen.  But the good people of this village are having none of that and put up a fight.  A worthless fight, but a fight nonetheless.  This fight gets the attention of our hero Mandala (Barry Primo) who is a little ways away looking at the sky majestically on his majestic stallion, and he is on his way to help.  Eventually.  Meanwhile, Banyunjaga is steadily murdering the citizens of this village until the bride Pita Loca steps in with her wicked umbrella technique and amazing kung fu skills.  Sanjay seems to want to get in the fight, but every time he tries, his father in law punches in him face to keep him at bay.  Meanwhile, Mandala is still looking majestically at the sky.  But he's on his way.  Eventually.
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As tough as Pita Loca might be, Banyunjaga temporarily puts her down forcing dad to get in on the fight.  Doesn't last long.  FINALLY, Mandala shows up and starts kicking Banyunjaga's ass.  He kicks his ass so tough Banyunjaga had to summon the crocodile head creatures from the dirt get Mandala off his back.  With Mandala distracted, Banyunjaga whisks Sanjay away to his new home as the queen's sex slave.  That was one wacky sequence my friends.  I had to rewind it to experience it one more time.

Now what?  A lot of stuff.  Mandala and Banyunjaga used to be disciples of some old dude until Banyunjaga turned to the darkness and damn near killed the old dude, along with the Three Crazed Killers from Hell.  Fortunately Mandala saved the old dude, via double amputation, with the old dude telling Mandala that for the sake of the planet he needs to defeat the queen, but to do that, he will need the legendary Devil's Sword.

Thus Mandala and Pita Loca embark on a deadly journey to the Cave of Nowhere to find this sword, which is hidden, Indian Jones style, in a completely rigged environment, which is kind of messed up when you think about it.  You see, we are told only one person can wield this sword, the righteous Mandala I assume, thus with this knowledge, to make this person go through a gauntlet of death to get something only he can have… you see what I'm saying here?  The Queen, for her part, is busy sexing up people, including Banyunjaga who gets a little bit of that in rather wacky love scene which eventually turns into Banyunjaga wrestling a crocodile under water.  Mind is still steadily being blown.  Tragically, Banyunjaga kind of failed on a mission for the Queen, so despite his skills at underwater crocodile lovin', he might not be a factor later on.  The Queen would've needed him too. 

Eventually Mandala and Pita Loca make it the underground lair of the Crocodile Queen, with Pita Loca being taken hostage and Mandala being snared under the queens spell and sexing her up amidst a gigantic orgy, which also featured what I believe was a Soul Train dance line.  I kid you not.  Eventually, the old dude from the beginning tells the amputee old dude what needs to be done, and big old kung-fu fight takes place with the fate of the world at stake.

People… this movie was insane.  Mind you, since it was Indonesian and apparently there is some kind of nudity sensor for Indonesian movies, this movie had as much sex in a movie as humanly possible without showing naked people or people actually having sex.  Plus I gotta admit, at the outset it didn't look like the queen was doing anybody too much harm.  Sacrifice simply meant swimming underwater to the queen and having sex.  That's not really much of a sacrifice, is it?  And the final Orgy / Solid Gold dance off was kind of off the chain to be honest with you.  I also wish I could discuss the narrative with you, but this story kind skirted past my simple abilities to comprehend.  Either it made no sense, or it made so much sense that the mind just couldn't handle it.  I'm not sure which.  And I hope you like action because this movie was non-stop amateurish kung-fu fighting from almost stop to finish, then at one point Banyunjaga and Mandala starting shooting hand lasers at each other.  Freaking lasers.  If you could imagine it, it was in this movie.
Was it a good movie?  Who in the world could possibly answer that question?  This is a movie elevates beyond simple good and bad into the ether of neverness.  Hell if I know what that means, but 'The Devil's Sword' was an otherworldly experience is all that I can tell you.  All I can tell you is that MY mind was blown. 
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