There he goes again causing a ruckus, and of
course we're talking about Satan. We could ask
ourselves, at least when it comes to movies, where God is
while Satan is crawling around impregnating virgin girls who
like to read The Bible… but then I guess that would defeat the
whole Demon Possession thing, wouldn't it? Today's Demon
Possession movie, a genre which looks to be experiencing some
kind of 21st century renaissance, is 'The Devil In Me' which
is a very nice looking movie featuring some very nice looking
people that unfortunately commits the mortal sin of being
terribly dull.
Alex (Michelle Argyris) is young, pretty, has a nice little
tight rack and is as pure as the first snow of winter.
She's just returned home from visiting her sick granny and was
picked up by her awesome BFF and roommate Jessica (Shantelle
Canzanese) who has informed Alex that she's moved them into
brand new house that is four times as plush as their old crib…
at the same price. Can you say 'Devil House'.
Waiting for them at the new house is Alex's boyfriend Brian
(Kevin Jake Walker) and her other ultra bitchy roommate Bree
(Vanessa Broze). Unfortunately Brian is actually inside
of Bree at the moment, something a good boyfriend probably
shouldn't do, but he manages to duck out the window before
they come in and then re-enter as if everything is all
right. We did mention that Alex is pure and since Bree
is all slutty and stuff… whaddayagonnado?
So the house is sweet, Alex has the biggest room in the attic
and all is well… that is until Alex and Jessica stopped off at
the soothsayer after a wild party. Never
recommended. Everybody freaks out, Alex collapses and
her little life will never be the same because the devil done
got up insider her. Actually I think he was inside her
before she went to the soothsayer, but whatever.
Now Satan, I guess, is getting down to the
serious business of severely messing with Alex's head by
playing with lighting switches, leaving satanic doodles in her
notebook, molesting her in her sleep, going bump in the night,
cutting her, and occasionally defacing her perfect
cleavage. Is any of this necessary? Of course it
isn't, but we know that Satan is nothing if not a dick.
I mean we dig that he wants to impregnate the girl to unleash
an evil the likes of which the world has never seen, but how
does cutting her titties help in that cause? Seriously
Satan?
By now, as you would imagine, Alex is a total wreck. Her
BFF is worried sick, her bitchy roomate thinks she's a freak
and her boyfriend thinks it's all just a clever ploy to avoid
giving up that ass. In the annals of understanding
boyfriends, Brian is at the bottom of that list. It's
looking like the only thing that can help Alex, looking super
possessed about now and speaking in Autotune, is an exorcism
from a depressed, down and out priest or the devil inside Alex
will become the devil outside Alex in nine months time and we
will all be doomed. Doomed I say!
First, let us here at the FCU give a shout out to Canadian
model Sabrina D'Amour whose role in this film we really can't
say as it would constitute a bit of a spoiler, but the woman
does have certain enviable gifts and hats off to director Greg
A. Sager for finding a way to squeeze her into his
movie. That nonsense aside, 'The Devil In Me' is a slick
looking, well shot, competently acted possession film that, at
least for me, lacked any real excitement or sizzle to keep me
invested in its relatively standard demon possession
storyline.
The movie does look very nice however and the director has
infused his film with a solid, eerie atmosphere. Most of
the effects were decidedly old school in their presentation,
but they were effective nonetheless, at least for the most
part. Michelle Argyris does a credible job as a
possessed hottie, traversing from cute college girl to freaked
out wreck to Satan's main squeeze in a reasonable manner,
though she did seem a little too quick to freak out at times,
but I've never been possessed by Satan so how would I know how
that should go down. We have to admit that we're not too
sure about the slutty roommate who seemed jammed into this
movie only because she agreed to get naked. I mean
actress Vanessa Broze made for a great tramp and all, I'm just
not sure she was necessary in this movie.
What was missing, at least from where I was sitting, was a
pulse or a rhythm to the film. I've almost completely
given up on being scared or frightened by these movies at this
point, blaming this on myself for seeing too many of these
things, but I still would've liked to have felt the feeling of
excitement or danger. Despite Michelle Argyris' best
efforts to make this happen, and despite a low lit atmosphere
which should've been able to effectively generate some sense
of palpable dread, I wasn't experiencing anything but a slow
moving tale of a pretty girl having a really bad week.
And don't get me started on Movie Satan and his completely
unreasonable plans to rule the world. Wacky and overly
complicated.
'The Devil in Me' had some good things working for it, but
when those good things aren't fear and excitement in a movie
we had hoped would be thrillingly scary, then unfortunately
there's not much we can recommend about it.
