Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
As of this writing, sometime in 2014, 42-year old actress Nicole Eggert is now better known for being overweight, showing up on some gawdawful reality show trying to get in shape or something.  But this was not always the case for the former Baywatch beauty, no sir.  Take 23-year old Nicole Eggert in this movie from 1995, 'The Demolitionist'.  Five pounds either way for this version of Nicole Eggert would've ruined the package because this right here is the look and sound of perfect.  Amazing.  Now, we're not mentioning Ms. Eggert's phenomenal figure in this film because we are a depraved, ogling dirty old man or anything, but because her figure is the star of this awful movie.  That and the legendary Richard Greico's manic overacting, but if you happen to be sitting around watching an old episode of Celebrity Fit Club… God forbid… and you are the least bit curious about what Nicole is trying to get back to, here you go.

Mad Dog (Greico) and his brother Little Henry (Randy Vasquez) are about to be executed, though they don't seem too terribly concerned about this.  This scene is notable in that the Anchorwoman on TV reporting this event is being played by Heather Langenkamp, who also had a fairly amazing figure at one time.  Anyway, the reason Mad Dog isn't all that concerned is because he and his brother have rigged the system and have subsequently busted out of that joint.  Or at least Mad Dog did since Little Henry died standing in a pool of highly conductive urine.  It's complicated.

Mad Dog, once he gets back to his gang, swears revenge on this town for the death of his baby brother, even though it was all his brother's own fault, but if Mad Dog was paying attention he would've noticed the pretty new blonde in his camp, undercover detective Alyssa Lloyd (Eggert).  We could ask why she was undercover at Mad Dog's camp, as if she knew he was going bust out of his execution and kill a bunch of reporters and prison officials in the process, failing to warn anybody that this was about happen, but we won't do that.  Actually, Mad Dog does notice, and Mad Dog does not like undercover cops.  Not even a little bit.  Now Alyssa is dead and her partner / lover who was monitoring her in the van is in a coma.
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Not so fast!  Say hello to Dr. Jack Crowley (Bruce Abbott) and his Project Lazarus.  This cat, with the permission of The Mayor (Susan Tyrell), has found a way to make a super cop, from a dead cop.  All he needs is a dead cop volunteer.  Hello Alyssa!  Now at first Alyssa wasn't all too keen on being dead, kept alive by super nanobot technology which required daily infusions and gave her terrible nightmares, but then she remembered why she's all dead and stuff in the first place… and a Super Cop is born. 

 Watch out thugs, rapist, thieves, and murders… you have a five foot 100 pound badass on a pimped out motorbike and a gun with endless ammo kicking ass and taking down names… and her pencil just broke so she's not taking down names anymore.  But she is still sad… mourning her fiancée still in the coma, depressed that one day without the nanobots makes her look like a zombie, and that her creator is an unfeeling cad of a man.  But there is still the unfinished business of Mad Dog, and damn if there isn't a nanobot shortage.  Can our small shapely dead cop take out the Mad Dog before he… does something?

'Robocop' meets 'The Crow' by way of 'La Femme Nikita'.  Now that's not me talking, that's this films star, Nicole Eggert, agreeing with this as a synopsis of her movie.  Who am I to argue with Nicole Eggert?  Nobody, that's who.  However, I would just add the caveat that 'The Demolitionist' is 'Robocop', meets 'The Crow' by way of 'La Femme Nikita' if all three of those movies were really shitty.  That's the only extra thing I'd throw in there. 

In all honesty though, 'The Demolitionist' isn't really all that bad.  The film certainly didn't take itself to terribly serious, or at least Richard Greico didn't… I'm not too sure about Ms. Eggert.  Was she was acting in parody or acting badly.  Can't decipher.  The movie moved pretty decently, though it did get bogged down in certain parts, overwrought with melodrama or an excess of poorly recited dialog, especially when this dialog was spewed by anyone other than Richard Greico, and the movie had the clever effect of bullet body hits that exploded with a puff of red smoke.  I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it is a thing.

This film was directed by effects guru Robert Kurtzman, who has directed like five movies in his lengthy career and I've seen them all.  I don't know why.  But while Mr. Kurtzman is a hella FX master, he doesn't seem to be much of a film director.  Especially a director of actors.  Richard Greico and Susan Tyrell probably needed to reigned in, Bruce Abbott needed to be amped up and Nicole… well… she sure does have a nice figure.  In Nicole's defense, considering she was so young in this film, I can say that in the future I will have seen her do better acting work in much worse movies.  'Lightspeed' and 'Turbulent Skies' comes to mind.  So that's gotta be worth something.  But we will say that Mr. Kurtzman rarely wastes an opportunity to show some bloody spray, or some overly made up grotesquery, or even the occasional melting corpse, playing into what the man does best.  These things don't make 'The Demolitionist' any better, but they do help the time pass faster.

'The Demolitionist' is completely crazy mid-90's low budget nonsense, replete with cheesy effects, a Baywatch babe as a star and Richard Greico chewing up scenery like it was a stick of Trident with flavor crystals.  In the right frame of mind, this combo can infinitely entertain.  I clearly wasn't in the right frame of mind on this day.
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