Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
The world as we know it has ended, completely frozen over. I think it was because of the weather machines.  While I do like it when movies don't spell things out for me, I'm thinking in this movie 'The Colony' a touch of exposition would've been nice.  Kevin Zegers character of Sam was narrating anyway so I don't think that would've been too much trouble.  But, as it tends to be in post-apocalyptic scenarios, there are survivors and they are making the best of a really bad situation.  Especially Sam who even in this post-apocalyptic world still managed to find a really hot girlfriend in Kai (Charlotte Sullivan).  How bad can the apocalypse really be?

Right now we're in Colony Seven… or Five.  I can't remember.  Or Three.  Regardless, In a deep underground silo, Colony Seven is led by Briggs the Benevolent (Laurence Fishburne) and they have managed to institute a meager standard of living where hydroponics provide food.  There are issues however, say like a simple illness, humans now almost completely unable to fight off any infection, infections which could kill them all.  Invariably, if you are infected, you will be sent outside, given the choice to make the walk to death or be immediately put death by Mason the Executioner (Bill Paxton).  Mason, however, has arbitrarily taken that awful choice away from these poor people and is simply putting bullets in their heads.  Mason, I tell you. 

Bad news though, as if life itself isn't bad news, but the remote Colony Five has stopped responding.  Briggs has decided that a team should check on them since the colonies promised to look after one another.  Mason thinks that's stupid.  And while Mason is presented as the loose cannon loon of this group, I'm with my man on this one.  Can't nothing good come from making the ten mile trip in eight feet of snow to Colony Five.  Briggs needs two volunteers to roll out with him.  Sam is volunteer one and some kid who is bright and sunny and looks to have a future is the second one.  I know, right?  Somebody just stick a red shirt on this kid and call it a day.
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Eventually our crew makes it to Colony Five.  It's not pretty.  Everybody's dead, or in some state of death, as feral, razor-toothed cannibals have taken over.  It was touch and go for a minute there, but Briggs and Sam made it out safe.  They even blew up Colony Five with a handy stick of dynamite to insure they won't be bothering anybody anymore.  So much for that. 

Eventually Sam makes it back to Colony Seven… with the news that hell is coming.  But it shouldn't be a problem because Mason the Executioner is such a badass, right?  Uh… no.  He's actually a bitch.  Will Colony Seven survive the overrun of the Feral Zombie Cannibals? 

The problem with 'The Colony' is the same problem that I've run into with the overwhelming slate of movies I've seen recently, in that it's competent and functional, but ultimately forgettable.

Let's focus on some positives though in director Jeff Renfroe's movie.  Positive #1, Laurence Fishburne is in this movie and having Laurence Fishburne in one's movie automatically makes one's movie a better movie.  As an actor the man has such a presence and he delivers a line with such conviction… I don't know if Mr. Fishburne has ever mailed a performance in, but he's probably one of the rare actors that could get away with it.  Another positive is that Bill Paxton is in this movie, as thirty years ago I saw young Bill Paxton play a douche in the movie 'Weird Science', and here he is doing it yet again.  Think Bill Paxton can play a douche?  Why yes he can.  I really liked the atmosphere as I felt the cold just watching this movie even though I saw it during the dog days of a Georgia summer, and while the setup for this chilly apocalypse is sketchy, the launch point for the story to follow was solid.

But when the story was supposed to get hyped, this being the introduction of the feral super cannibals, that's when things got sort of mundane.  For starters, Laurence Fishburne blew himself up in one of the more worthless self-sacrifices we've seen in a movie in some time, and this turned the movie over to the movies real star, Kevin Zegers, who was probably great on 'Gossip Girl' but as a feral cannibal killing machine, not so much.  And does eating people rob one of their gifts of speech?  I get it, you've lost your humanity and all, but I should still be able to do more than growl.  Also, the feral cannibals sure were robust.  I mean it took our vegan heroes days to cross that rough terrain, but it took the human meat infused cannibals mere hours, plus they can jump like LeBron, run like Bolt, and are bullet resistant.  Message?  Meat is good.  Even if that meat is your uncle.

The thing is the action elements just weren't as interesting as the human elements.  While life in a post-apocalyptic world isn't the most original launching point for a movie, the start of this one had promise.  Then it devolved into what every other post apocalyptic movie becomes, and that is a tired, run of the mill action movie, with the action we're watching being kind of… well… run of the mill. 

'The Colony' was okay, and it certainly wasn't a pain to sit through, but alas it didn't do a heckuva lot to separate itself from the post-apocalyptic genre that would generate a hearty recommendation.
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