Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Before I slid ‘The Butcher’ into the ol’ DVD player I had just watched and wrote a review for the horror film ‘Serum’. One of the issues I had with that particular film is the rather lengthy amount of time the director spent in developing his characters. Not that character develop in necessarily a bad thing, it’s just not something you find that often in horror film, and the actors in the film were so inferior they were unable to character build anyway. Well this isn’t going to problem with ‘The Butcher’ in which our characters are basically cardboard cutouts of real people since the vast majority of them are basically cannon fodder destined for death anyway, so there’s no need to get to the know them. Here here.

So what have here is an original story about some randy, horny drug smoking college kids off to Las Vegas for some more heavy partying. As never happens in movies like this, one of the characters knows a ‘shortcut’ that will get them to their final destination much quicker, but we all know the only thing it will get them to is their DEATHS! Oh, let’s meet our characters. We have the angry hostile aggressive jock dude (Alan Ritchson – who I’m guessing was actually parodying his role), We have a pair of kissing lesbians, one of whom flashes her boobies for us (Ashley Rebecca Hawkins and Tiffany Kristenson – Ashley and Tiffany? Come on!) We have the caring, sensitive dude (Tom Nagel), the Black character who will die (Myiea Coy – who at least is female, cute and not a wisecracking ham) and lastly we have the tough hero chick who I’m pretty sure will survive (April Gilbert – Great Abs). So like I said, they take a shortcut and no more than five minutes in a character in this movie is sliced in half. So our heroes have half a lesbian, a broken axle and they are nowhere near a main road, and some dude with a messed up face driving around in a Mad Max truck is carousing around... now what? Fortunately there’s that creepy house with the

billowing smoke and the odd BBQ aroma coming out of it that’s yelling STAY THE F*CK OUT. Let’s go in there and ask for ‘help’ because there's no way that crib belongs to the deformed dude in the Mad Max truck, right.

Wouldn't you know it, this house is apparently The Butcher’s crib and Mrs. Butcher hasn't been doing to much cleaning. We call him The Butcher because he seems to have a taste for human flesh. I’m guessing because he's sick of people staring at his effed up face when he goes Krogering. One by one our heroes start dying in various ways with us hoping that one will be able to survive to give The Butcher his FINAL CUT!!!  That's just awful.

Even for an unoriginal, derivative horror film, ‘The Butcher’ is pretty stupid. It’s so stupid that I’m starting to think it may be a parody of some sort. Angry Jock Dude finds a burning pit of bones and tells tough chick we need to get outta here without telling her why. Tough chick calls him a pussy (literally) and he runs away – To the Butcher’s Barn! Black Character finds a doorway leading to the darkness and decides to enter in to see ‘what’s up’. I know black people fairly well and that’s not something we generally do folks. Black character ends up finding a rotting woman who is either sleeping or dead and proceeds to WAKE HER UP to tell her that some dude is killing people. Rotting Woman gets up and drowns Black Character in a bathtub full of milk (?) Why does this woman have a tub full of milk in her bedroom? Caring Dude finds a Stupid Cop who as is ALWAYS the case in movies like these is the only cop on duty. Caring dude tells Stupid Cop that the vast majority of his friends are dead and murdered. Stupid Cop even finds half of the lesbian. Hey Stupid Cop, now might be a good time to get on the radio and wake Jebediah the F*CK UP, tell him to put on a uniform and lend a hand. No sir, Stupid Cop goes to cannibalistic families home to ask questions and gets what he deserves. Definitely a parody.

‘The Butcher’ is not a gawdawful film as far as the genre goes as it has some pretty decent gore for those of you that like that kind of stuff, and a completely gratuitous titty scene, though there could always be more. What it lacks is even the slightest hint of originality. I mean none of these kinds of films are ever really original, but ‘The Butcher’ may the most derivative of them all. So if you’re with some friends and want to play ‘Name that Movie The Butcher Stole From’ pick it up and I’ll bet you’ll have a hella good time.

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