Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

By this time, like three days after the movie has been released, everybody in the Free World would’ve seen Marvel Studios ‘The Avengers’.  But I don’t see anybody asking the one serious, burning question… Who is Loki’s tailor?  Loki be threaded out for real yo.  Whether he’s wearing his pimped out dress godly blues with the dope horned hat, or his more casual god threads with the black wrap over, or when he’s sporting his human styled two piece with the Givenchy scarf coupled with what I suspect is a DKNY overcoat… Loki is one clean god.  And a murderous, delusional psychopath BUT… he looks good doing it which is half the battle.

Anyway, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) has gone all Milton on us and has decided he’d much rather rule on Earth than serve in Aasgard, thus to facilitate this he made an arrangement with some mysterious cat in outer space, with that dude answering to another mysterious cat, who will provide him with a marauding army, if Loki can secure the Tesseract.  Or the Cosmic Cube as I used to remember it being called.   And to rush things forward it’s going to be up to Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) to convince Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) and Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) to join with Mega Awesome S.H.I.E.L.D. agents Natasha Romanov (Scarlet Johansson) and Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner) to stop the impending Loki Invasion.  And since Loki’s involved there’s a good chance Thor (Chris Hemsworth) will make quick stop through Midgard to help out while consistently condescending on us. 

So we rushed through our normal wit filled, super clever description of this movie because, quite honestly, everybody knows what it’s about.  In fact we wouldn’t even bother writing this but it is required of us, even though the LAST thing the world needs in another pointless review of ‘The Avengers’.  I’m betting you’ve seen it already and 99.8% of you have seen all of the movies leading up to this.  I don’t know what to tell you about that other .2%, but there are those out there who watch one movie every five years so this probably the first movie they’ve seen since ‘Avatar’.  This probably lends some justification to one review of ‘The Avengers’ I read which stated that you’re in trouble if you haven’t seen the previous movies leading up to this.  I was thinking ‘who could that possibly be?’, but then I remembered the unwashed .2%.  They might be a little confused for a bit but something will blow up soon enough which should shake them back into comprehension.

But if we were to go ahead and review ‘The Avengers’ we would tell you that it is great entertainment.  If you’re a comic book guy, say like I used to be, there is very little to complain about in the way that director Joss Whedon and his team of thousands presented our cherished childhood heroes.  We could whine about how Natasha Romanov isn’t very Russian, but the Black Widow we knew back in the day was a product of the Cold War and this Natasha would’ve been born well after the end of the Cold War so whaddayagonnado?  She has a different back story now.  We could also mention that while having The Hulk on your team is awesome, but once the battle is over he usually doesn’t get that memo which usually means now he has to be dealt with.  But then this 2.5 hour movie would’ve been even longer.  I don’t think anybody wanted that.  Except maybe the guy I was sitting next to who told me this was his sixth viewing of this movie in three days.  Psycho.  Anyway, since I’m not a comic book purist, at least not anymore since I turned twelve, the slight changes for the greater good of the film didn’t bother me.  Galactus as a puffy cloud?  That bothers me. 

But say you’re not a comic guy or gal and you’ve never read a comic book in your life and could care less if the horns on Loki’s helmet are accurately spaced apart or if Iron Man’s repulsor rays are showing the correct amount of Hydrogen emission… and you know you’re out there… there’s enough action and explosions and smashing and explosions and humor and explosions in this event spectacular to satisfy just about any reasonable thinking person.  In addition. all these pyrotechnics are being delivered by good actors, with it all wrapped around a story that is oppressive enough and worthy enough to bring in the World’s Greatest Superheroes, and have us genuinely concerned if they would be able to get the job done.  Okay… not really concerned… but it was a good time getting to the inevitable. 

Also, at this point in time some of my good friends, still loyal comic guys… think ‘The Big Bang Theory’… would’ve seen this movie themselves at least three times already.  Not as crazy as that other guy, but still a little nutty, but we are Americans and we can do whatever we want within the realm of societal parameters.  After viewing the film in IMAX 3D… I refused to see it in 3D since I have found it adds next to nothing to the viewing experience… they were hopping around like happy schoolgirls at a Justin Bieber concert after the movie ended.  Admittedly it was a little embarrassing considering most of these cats are in their forties, some in their fifties… but we were happy that they were happy.

Hey, it’s a summertime comic book movie.  It’s big, explosive, fun, funny, and entertaining.  ‘The Avengers’, and movies like it, are the reason that the majority of the people on the planet earth go to movies in the first place.  And this is something that doesn’t require an awful lot of deconstruction. 

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