Reviewed by Christopher Armstead |
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If only the Sci-Fi Channel put as much effort into their original movies as they put into their original series. Sci-Fi has some of the best series going, have had some of the best series ever and have arguably broadcast the greatest TV series in the history of everything with ‘Battlestar Galactica’. But their movies… oh… their movies. I was going to say that the Sci-Fi Original Movie list is a hit and miss proposition, but I think we all know that it’s largely miss and miss with a few blind squirrel nuts scattered along the way. Today we’re hoping that one of those nuts that this blind squirrel stumbles upon is the disaster epic ‘Super Eruption’. Unfortunately, it looks like the blind squirrel stepped over this one. Or maybe he tripped over it, picked it up, smelled it and then threw it away. I think that’s what the blind squirrel did. Yellowstone Park. Hardcore park ranger Charlie Young (Richard Burgi) parachutes into the world ending Super Eruption to rescue his hot daughter Claire (MyAnna Buring) whose little plane has crashed with hot lava quickly approaching. Charlie tries to open the door on one side, but it burns his hand. Charlie tries to open the door on the other side, but it’s blocked by a tree which Charlie probably should’ve seen. Charlie rushes back to the original side to try to open the door again, but guess what? It’s still hot Charlie. Claire’s dad is brave, but not very bright. Claire, and the others in the little plane, are all dead now. Not that it matters much because the eruption of Yellowstone is pretty much the end of the world as we know it. Charlie and super duper smart Volcanologist Dr. Kate Brooks (Juliet Aubrey) will descend into the bunker of the DMA (Disaster Management Agency) to live out the rest of their days in a new, hellish dark age. But not so fast my friends! Go back a couple of days where Dr. Kate is hanging out doing volcanolgy type stuff on a Yellowstone tower while Charlie is forced to watch her do this stuff which makes him really angry and bitter, which in turn makes Kate angry and bitter. Love is obviously in the air. Charlie’s hot daughter Claire, a veterinarian student has come down for a quick visit, and damn if those vet skill won’t come in |
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handy down the line. Since Charlie has been working at Yellowstone for the last twenty years, he has noticed some weird stuff going on like volcanic water boiling the stuffing out of annoying teenagers and more annoying teenagers getting caught up in volcanic geysers and tossed into outer space. I only assume this because when that happened, that kid never landed. Regardless, Kate thinks Charlie’s an idiot until Kate gets a video conference invite from herself. From the future. Apparently the Yellowstone eruption that’s gonna happen in a couple of days has created a rift hole in the time-space continuum, which Future Kate has completely exploited. You see, Present Kate had an idea how to stop a Super Eruption if it ever happened, but the theories were years from complete. Future Kate has been spending her spare time in the bunker, refining these ideas, creating awesome time / space busting video chat technology, and having sex with Charlie. Now Kate, armed with the new Tech developed by Kate, kind of, has to convince the DMA Director (Emma Davies) to evacuate the west coast and roll with a hunch that her new tech might work. The only problem is that Kate couldn’t get the entire program to Kate which means Kate has to figure out the rest of the program written by Kate. Got me? Priority number one, changing the timeline and saving the hot daughter. So I have some advice if your future self ever has to talk to your past self to give your past self some critical info to save the planet earth. No Cliffhangers. Don’t tell yourself ‘I’ll give you more information later’. I think I’d just give myself the whole plan right there instead of being a dick to myself and making me wait through commercial breaks. And while I hate to nitpick on the time space continuum thing, understand that the hot daughter wouldn’t have been in that doomed plane during the original timeline, since the only reasons the planes launched was to implement a procedure given by Future Kate in the new timeline. Got me? And where can I get me some of those lava proof Michelins? Directed by Matt Codd, who helmed a fascinating little sci-fi ditty a decade ago called ‘Epoch’, ‘Super Eruption’ starts out a little on the slow side as we suffer through the Park Ranger / Super Scientist banter when all we really want to see is people burn to death. If you can make it through that, when the Super Eruption starts taking place, highlighted by some hilarious special effects and character stupidity… so if the road in front of you collapses into a river of flowing lava, you might not want to stand at the edge of that ledge to watch the pretty flowing lava… you will be treated to a movie that eventually picks up its pace, while descending into some of the most suspect science and ridiculous plot points you will ever have the pleasure of experiencing. I’m pretty sure all these movies start out with the best of intentions, those intentions being a lucid and intelligent cinematic experience with the comedy coming at planned intervals, but halfway through shooting these things, I’m guessing the filmmaking crew just says ‘screw it, it’s a Sci-Fi Original. Let’s just get it done’. There is entertainment to be had watching ‘Super Eruption’, I just don’t think it’s the kind that filmmakers originally intended. But we take what we can get. |
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