Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Scott (Martin Compston) is a successful real estate agent.  Not really, he’s totally a werewolf.  I don’t know what the economic structure is for werewolfing, but apparently it pays pretty good since Scott drives a BMW.  Justice (Adele Silver) is veterinary assistant.  Not really, she’s totally a stripper.  I am familiar with the economic structure of strippering.  These two attractive Londonites are young and in love, though neither one is aware of the others true professions.  As you might’ve guessed, that’s not going to last as the stripper will meet the werewolf in this wacky horror comedy of suspect entertainment value, ‘Strippers vs. Werewolves’. 

So Justice, her stage name of course, is giving a private dance to a guy and he’s getting pretty worked up, so worked up he starts to transform into a werewolf right in front of Justice’s eyes.  Just so you know this guy is being played by the legendary Martin Kemp, at least he’s a legend to us.  ‘Only when you leave’?  

‘Highly Strung’?  Everybody who loves Spandau Ballet and Martin Kemp on bass give us a yip-yip.  Anyway, Justice is startled at the sight of this werewolf, though these werewolves aren’t your fear instilling ‘Howling’ type werewolves, looking more along the lines of Michael Landon’s teenage werewolf.  But moving along Justice stabs this werewolf in the eye with her sterling silver pen.  Why a stripper goes into a private dance room with a sterling silver pen is beyond me, like maybe she’s going to take down some notes or write a term paper or something, but it was fortunate because now this wolf that planned to do her harm is all dead and stuff.

The bad news is that this werewolf, Mickey, was pretty important to Scott and his werewolf clan led by alpha wolf Mr. Ferris (Billy Murray) and once they find his dead body they will swear undying revenge for their fallen comrade.

The wolves eventually stumbling upon that dead body is a bit of a process as we meet the various players in this film and their particular idiosyncrasies, such as club owner Jeanette (Sarah Douglas) who is all too familiar with what the werewolves are capable of, then there’s stripper Raven (Barbara Nedeljakova) who is in love with Sinclair (Simon Phillips), the world’s most insecure vampire hunter.  Love is also in the air for Franklyn the bouncer (Nick Nevern) and Dani the Exotic Dancer (Ali Bastian), though we fear their love may be doomed, despite the sterling silver layered, monogrammed brass knuckles she just brought for her man.

There are other strippers and werewolves floating around doing stuff, but eventually it’s going to come down to werewolves converging on strippers at their club, with Scott unfortunately placing his bro’s before his ho, with plans on doing these strippers deathly harm.  But these strippers have a plan.

We’re in no real mood to speak ill of this movie ‘Strippers vs. Werewolves’, I mean it is called ‘Strippers vs. Werewolves’ which is a title that by itself that probably deflects 80% of most criticism, but the movie itself gives us very little wiggle room to praise it either.  On the plus side my main man Simon Phillips was borderline brilliant in this movie, being responsible for a large amount the comedy portion of this horror / comedy with his portrayal of a hyper neurotic version of Van Helsing.  We’ve seen Mr. Phillips in an array of roles, a lot of them where he is playing grizzled tough guys, and not that he’s not good in those roles too, but this one seemed to fit like a glove. 

Then there’s the concept of Strippers and Werewolves which is pure gold, kind of like the concept of Stripper and Zombies, but that movie wasn’t all that good either.  I guess while Strippers doing battle with some horrible beasts of legend sounds good in theory, nobody’s been able to completely pull it off just yet. 

The problem with director Jonathan Glendening’s film is that as a comedy it misfired more often than the comic bits connected, and as a horror movie… well… it really wasn’t much of a horror movie to begin with.  Part of the horror disconnect could’ve been due the appearance of our werewolves who had a werewolf look that felt as if it could’ve been fixed with a shave and a touch of plastic surgery, but the real issue was there just wasn’t all that much to be scared of, despite the reasonably large amount of werewolf mayhem that was present.  And the strippers, dang… they sure didn’t get naked very often.  I mean there was nudity and stuff, just not from our main strippers.  I don’t know how that club stayed open. 

I’m also thinking this movie needed just a tad bit of a quicker pace because the movie does tend to drag a little, and a movie that is centered werewolves eating strippers probably shouldn’t drag at all. 

Despite all of that, and while it may sound like I’m whining about ‘Strippers vs. Werewolves’, it wasn’t all that bad, it just didn’t rise of to the level of entertainment that I artificially placed on a movie about werewolves and strippers going head up with each other. 

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