Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

The woman, Rachel (Anna Skellern) is dressed in a tight red dress and high heels and she is looking good. While actress Anna Skellern is certainly one of the four stars of this movie ĎSirení, Iím thinking her body is the more of the main character than the woman herself because it is fairly amazing and it is always on display. Clothed though, so donít run out and get this if you think youíre about to witness some kind of nudity fest. Freaks. Regardless, sheís standing on a deserted backroads street when a car full of dudes drives right by her. They donít even catcall. I find that hard to believe. Fortunately the stranger drives up in his BMW. Actually itís not a stranger at all, just Rachelís man Ken (Eoin Macken) since these crazy kids like to do that wacky role playing thing. What does this role playing nonsense have to do with anything thatís about to happen in this movie? Iím not really sure, but itís probably just an excuse to squeeze Anna Skellern in a tight red dress.

Anyway, Rachel and Ken have secured the company yacht for a trip to some lovely resort area, and along for the ride is Rachelís ex-boyfriend Marco (Anthony Jabre) who Ken has never met before this day. Why my girlfriendís ex-boyfriend is going along on a trip with me and my girl is a little confusing, but there it is. For disclosureís sake another lady was supposed to show up, but given she didnít show up Marco wouldíve had to stay at home if it were up to me.

So they set sail on the blue seas. I donít know if Ken really and truly cares for Rachel, but he sure likes having sex with her since he turns controls of the boat over to Marco so he can loudly handle his business below deck.

Then Marco sees the strange guy on the beach off in the distance who apparently needs some help. Personally, F-that guy. I know thatís what Ken wouldíve done since heís a bit of an ass, but heís below deck doing other stuff. Marco, however, wants to help this guy and runs the boat into shallow water. Weíre not going to worry about that guy that needed help because heís a little beyond help at this point and time, but since the boat is stalled and since they are in the middle nowhere, they might as well set up shop and hang out at this deserted island beachfront until somebody coasts by.

Guess what, this island isnít so deserted. Thereís a weird, quiet hot chick named Silka (Tereza Srbova) running around this island. We should mention that the strange old dude at the dock told us the story of the siren, which probably shouldíve been a hint and half to our crew that weird hot chicks who tend to materialize out of nowhere should be avoided. Nonetheless itís not long before the strangeness starts happening. The crazy bloody hallucinations, Rachelís sudden desire to be a lesbian, the dead bodies and Silkaís awful singing. Seriously, Silkaís siren song probably kills because it sucks so bad.

What we need is for the boat to start to work so we can get off this island and we also need Rachel to regain control of her heterosexuality so she can leave Silka behind, so we can get off this island. Maybe if Ken wasnít so quick on the triggerÖ Iím just saying is all.

First thing we need to do is prompt you to ignore that box cover over there. That womanís body on the cover isnít in the movie, nobodyís holding any bloody knives and those two women flanking the non-existent woman on the cover canít be in the movie since thereís only two women in the movie. Ignore all of that.

As far as the movie inside of that misleading box cover, the problem with ĎSirení is that there simply isnít a lot of movie here. Itís a very brief film with a running time of 80 minutes, including credits, and it has a cast of basically four people in two locations and thereís not a lot for these people to do for these 80 or so minutes. Thus what they did have to do, they did it over and over again, such as hallucinate, run, settle down and then do it one more time, with other elements presented as filler. Take the opening scene with the tight red dress. During their little role playing tryst Rachel sees an eye staring at her through a hole in the wall. I donít know if that meant something, since the eye wasnít really there, or was this simply stuck in to justify padding the movie with a role playing scene? In fact Rachel was hallucinating long before they got the island and heard Silkaís awful song, so I donít know if she was born to be a Siren herself or what. If she was, letís just hope she has a better song. Iím not sure if the song of the siren even affects women.

But despite the repetitive nature of ĎSirení and the fact it probably couldíve gotten by as an episode of ĎThe Outer Limitsí we werenít completely disappointed with this movie. Director Andrew Hull offers up some interesting images for us to look at and despite the fact that there didnít seem to be enough story to support the length of this movie, I still never felt bored or was disinterested while watching it, and lest we forget that Anna Skellern gave a very strong performance which helped carry this movie through to the bitter end.

I donít know if would recommend ĎSirení because thereís not a lot substance, not a lot of depth, itís classified as horror but it certainly isnít that, but it had its moments and it was nice to look at. Not high praise perhaps, not praise at all actually, but it is what we have for you today.

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