So to let you know how freaking old I am, I start watching this South Korean comedy ‘Sex is Zero’ without really knowing what it’s about.  About the time dude started masturbating in a frying pan to demonstrate the similarity between eggs and semen, and after I was through throwing up, it donned on me that ‘Sex is Zero’ is a Korean version of ‘Porkys’!  Well, of course it’s not a Korean version of ‘Porky’s’, the penultimate teenage sex comedy of my generation, it’s a Korean version of ‘American Pie’, the penultimate sex comedy of this current lost generation where the age of 20 is the new 10 and thirty is the new 15.  Look at me hatin’ on the Lost Generation!’

I’ve said it before and so it’s worth saying again that the Koreans seem take films places that no one else seems willing to go.  This wacky offering from 2003 is no different.  Chang-Jun Lim plays Eunshik, as good natured but sad sack of a 28-year old non traditional college student trying to make up for the time he lost by having some fun at school.  Eunshik and his roommates do what college kids do in these movies all over the world in watching a lot of porn, doing incredibly stupid fraternity tricks, engage in a few penis and testicle gags, masturbate in frying pans and of course chase girls.  Eunshik has a terrible, terrible crush on the pretty Eunhyo (Ji Won Ha) who alternates between torturing, abusing, and being somewhat nice to this poor loser.  Eunhyo and her band of homies do what college girls do in movies like this all over in the world in that they make fun of each others breast size, practice for some big competition, talk about screwing boys and lust after the hunky dude.  The hunky dude, Sangok (Min Jung), is dating rich bitch and all around stud of the competition team Jiwon (Jae-Won Jin), but he has as a lecherous eye on Eunhyo and considering my boy drives a Porsche convertible, I’m liking his chances.

Being the playa that he is, Sangok get all up in that as expected, much to the extreme sadness of Eunshik who remains sickly in love with Eunhyo.  Why I do not know.  She certainly isn’t leading this fool on.  Just to let you know a little about Eunshik, in the course of this film he will eat a rat, jump out a six story apartment THRICE, wake up in a sea of his own vomit, eat a semen and rat poison sandwich, get busted on the head with a sledgehammer, get busted in an act of self gratification (somebody KNOCK!) and have an emergency medical procedures on both his testicles and his penis.  Anyway, due to the Sangok and Eynhyo dalliance, the lass finds herself in a family way and well, medical steps must be taken eradicate this little problem.  We know the playa ain’t gonna step up to the plate, so it’s up to our Sad Sack to step up and do ‘the right thing’ for some more unrequited love.  Don’t forget about the big national dance fitness competition too.  Oh yeah, Eunhyo is in the competition and she’s a little late getting there because, well, she just had an abortion a few hours ago.  Ever the trooper, she goes out and does her best.  Of course this leaves her nearly bleeding to death vaginally on the bathroom floor.  Yes, this is still a comedy.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Oh those wacky Koreans!

Okay, I’m making fun of ‘Sex is Zero’ now, but there is some really funny stuff in this crazy comedy and I’m sure there’s something in this thing that’s going to either make you laugh or make you toss your cookies or both.  Director Je-Gyun Yun keeps the action, comedy and mayhem coming fast and furious with very little time to process what you may or not have seen as stupid.  Hey you!  Do you like looking at naked Asian women?  Well my friends, ‘Sex is Zero’ has plenty of those as most of the lovely actresses in this film are in some state of undress or another.  There’s even a scene where one of horny college guys takes a comatose drunk girl to a hotel room and fondles her breast!  Sure it may be against the law in most countries, but damn if ain’t funny!  BWAHAHAHA!  Oh those wacky Koreans.

If there’s a problem with this movie, and honestly a with a lunacy level as high as this one is practically problem proof, it’s the fact that they made Eunshik just way to pathetic.  I’m mean come on!  Eunhyo isn’t THAT damn good looking!  I also want to mention the comedic genius of who ever the dude was that banging the sex doll.  Comic Genius.  I also appreciate the way the filmmakers actually humanize Sangok ‘the playa’, actually making him a real person with real feelings and not just making him a caddish automaton as we see far too often in films of this nature.  And who the hell where the two chronically masturbating thieves who kept popping up?  They were funny too though.

There is something in this one for everyone…. Over the age of twenty one with the mindset of a twelve year old.  Funny stuff!  Bleeding to death vaginally on the bathroom floor after getting an abortion.  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!