Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Here’s the thing. I thought ‘Rock Slyde’ was pretty damn funny. Mainly because I find Patrick Warburton to be pretty damn funny. But actually having to talk about ‘Rock Slyde’ in depth… that’s going to be difficult because there’s really not too much to say. ‘Depth’ being the key word here. The bottom line… and after you read that you can go on and do something more productive with your day because I will add nothing of value to your day in the coming paragraphs… but the bottom line is that if you find Patrick Warburton to be funny, like I do, chances are you will find ‘Rock Slyde’ to be funny. If you don’t find Patrick Warburton to be amusing or if the mere sight of Andy Dick and the sound of his voice makes you want to shoot somebody… not that I think this about the man, but some do… then by all means, watch something else. Anything else.

Allrighty then… Patrick Warburton is Rock Slyde, hardboiled Los Angeles private detective / one time gay porn star. Rock doesn’t get a lot of action as far as his business is concerned, his days mostly filled with sitting at his desk thinking out loud to himself and drinking the coffee of his pretty office assistant Bee (Elaine Hendrix) but today Rock has a client. Sara (Rene Sofer) and her crystal clear blue eyes are convinced that somebody is following her and she has hired Rock to find out who this is. Hopefully you’re not actually reading this and have truly moved to doing something else more worthwhile on the Internet like watching that kitten that gets stuck in the paper bag… that’s always amusing… but there’s nothing I can say in my description of this movie that can adequately describe the funny in this movie. For instance, when Rock floats out his fee schedule to Sara, the way Patrick Warburton made his fee request was really funny to me, but me telling you that Rock said ‘my fee is 400 dollars a day plus… per diem?’ That’s even not even remotely funny, but hearing Patrick Warburton say it was really funny. If you like Patrick Warburton.

Anyway, Rock has more pressing problems in Bart (Andy Dick) and his growing Bartology religious cult. The Bartologist have taken over Rock’s building and Bart needs Rock to give up his office, which he refuses to do.

So Bart drives around town in his Smart Car doing surveillance on Sara while trying to stay one step ahead of the Bartologist and their desperate efforts to get him out of his office. Then the Bartologist ensnare Rock’s beloved Bee into their cultish web and now Rock has to think fast to save his secretary from the evil grip of Bart the Cult Leader, because she’s the only one who knows how to work the coffee machine. And that’s pretty it much I guess. Gay jokes will ensue.

So… what to talk about. It’s like when your wife or your girl is on the phone and you’ve run out of things to say but she refuses to hang up the phone and you can’t say ‘goodbye honey’ because it would hurt her feelings… it’s just like that. One thing I’ve observed in researching this article is that there sure seems to be a lot of hatred for Andy Dick. What the hell did Andy Dick do to offend so many people other than take a lot of drugs? You know how you can click on an actor’s name on the IMBD and they have those lists off to the side because said actor is on that list? For instance if you click on Rena Sofer’s name you will see a number of lists that have something to do with ‘The Most Beautiful Actresses’ or something like that. Click on Andy Dick’s name and you’ll see off the side lists such as ‘Celebrities I Can’t Stand’ and ‘Actors That Annoy Me’ or ‘Comedians: The Worst’ or ‘Scumbag Douchebags’ which I must admit is my favorite. Poor Andy Dick, damn.

But back to ‘Rock Slyde’. So we thought it was funny for the most part, plus it had glorious cameos turned in by the likes of Jason Alexander, E-Rob and Brian Bosworth just to name a few. The Boz as a gay pirate? Come on! And dammit, you would think that the gay pirate shtick would’ve stopped being funny after the second time they ran it, but it never got old. I’m sorry, I’m not proud of this. The fact is certain people just seem to make me laugh and Patrick Warburton is one of those people. Chris Kattan is another one of those people. I wish I knew why but Chris Kattan kills me. But on the flip side I don’t quite get the Dane Cooke phenomena. Go figure. The story featured in ‘Rock Slyde’ is negligible, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, not that I think it was supposed to, the structure of the movie is loosely assembled at best and I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find out that a lot of director Chris Dowling’s film was improvised on the fly. This isn’t a bad thing is it? Of course not. The only bad thing is if you watch this movie and you don’t like Patrick Warburton or you’re that guy that made that IMBD douchebag list that has Andy Dick on it along with Lindsey Lohan and O.J. Simpson. O.J. Freaking Simpson. Seriously, dude that made that Douchebag list, seriously?

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