Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
The Golden age of the glorious title continues over at the SyFy Channel and their original movies.  Last week, or two weeks ago, or last year… I can't remember… it was 'Red Neck Cajun Gators', and today it's 'Robocroc'.  The content of these movies largely remains the same, but the titles do generate some interest.  I mean I'm going to watch this junk regardless of what they call it, but outside of our circle of the precious few, these titles might be drawing in a few new unsuspecting souls.

Super Scientist Dr. Riley (the Legendary Dee Wallace) has just launched the payload off of a space rocket.  What's on this payload?
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For starters Dr. Riley is on the scene and she's tossing around info like they're manhole covers, Col. Montgomery (Steve Hartley) is here and he's not very fond of Dr. Riley because she's all evil and stuff, but most importantly this zoo has just hired the comely zoologist Jane (Lisa McCalister) who will be Duffy's sidekick for the duration of this film.  Actually, most importantly, is that actor Atanas Srebrev has popped up yet again in one of these Bulgarian shot movies, this time as Marshall the Zoo Director, and his lead as the most populous actor at the Film Critics United website is now looking insurmountable.  Only Eric Roberts seems poised to challenge this.

Regardless of all of that, Duffy and Jane are hunting Bessie who has broken out of the zoo and is super strong and super hungry.  They have also found a piece of Bessie's hide which looks to be turning into metal.  Say what!  Hell yeah… Bessie is literally turning into a robotic crocodile.  Naturally, since Bessie is killing everything and everybody, we should try to disable this robocroc, but Dr. Riley can't have that because innocents getting brutally murdered is exactly the scenario she was looking for with the live test of her awesome nanobots.  I honestly don't know what more proof Dr. Riley needs to see that they work, but the woman is nothing if not completely evil.

Oh yeah… also Duffy has a teenage son who is at a local Bulgarian water park with his weird friend and some hot chick.  This normally wouldn't be an issue but apparently all the water pathways in Bulgaria are linked… like the zoo where the murderous animals are kept is linked to the kiddie water park which is linked to the fishing pond.  In hindsight, as Bessie was eating water park people, this is what we call crap infrastructure. 

How do we stop the RoboCroc?  Hell if I know.  I was thinking we should nuke it, but they have a better plan.  I would nuke it.

How can we judge the quality of this movie 'Robocroc'?  If this were a regular movie… it's awful.  It moves too slowly, the acting is generally atrocious, and the plot is nonsensical.  But this isn't a regular movie.  It's a SyFy Channel original and these get rated a little differently as you well know, and thus armed with this knowledge, 'Robocroc' is a mediocre SyFy original.  It's still too slow, and the acting is still generally atrocious, but a nonsensical plot is par for the course and there is some random awesomeness thrown in here and there. 

For instance, when Dee Wallace gave that chick a karate chop to the throat?  Awesomeness.  Who did that chick think she was messing with?  Or when that gator wrangler jumped on a completely metallic crocodiles back to wrassle with it, and got what he deserved for his stupidty… Awesomeness.  Or when Duffy's son, observing the hot chick he was with just suffered through the loss of her boyfriend and best friend getting eaten by the robocroc, wasted no time in pushing up on that… Awesomeness.  I think a mourning period of 36 minutes is completely adequate.  And then there was Dr. Riley's completely devastating Robocroc Ipad app.  Or was that a google app?  Regardless, I want the Robocroc app.  I would use my Robocroc for good though.  Like… uh… well… I can't think anything right now, but I'm sure there is a solid use for a Robocroc.

But you will have to get past the relative slowness, atrocious acting, and nonsensical plot get to these randomly awesome moments.  I think you can do it.
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Why nanobots of course.  Now 'Robocroc' starts off with a bit of confusion right off the bat.  Apparently the nanobots on this rocket ship are designed to enter some kind of organic being, I guess, and turn them into killing machines.  They put these on a space rocket.  Our simple question, before the rocket malfunctioned and crashed into a zoo, would be where the F@#K was this rocket ship heading too?  Dr. Riley informed us something about live tests or something, but were they doing this live test on the moon?  On Mars?  Work with me here people.
So the payload crashes into a zoo, the nanobots escape and find their way into Bessie, a 25 foot Australian crocodile.  I think that was her name.  It was some old ladies name like Louise or Martha or Clementine or Mildred.  I can't remember.  Now Bessie is all blessed with Predator Vision and stuff and ready to destroy.  Fortunately for us we have Duffy the zoo keeper (Corin Nemec) and he knows how to handle Bessie, who he is quite fond of.  Or at least he could handle normal Bessie.  This Bessie on the other hand, not so much.  The good thing is that he doesn't to have to handle this situation all by himself.
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