Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
I decided a little while back that after the FCU hits ten years, we're going to shut it down.  We are at eight right now, and it's been a party, but ten years is more than long enough to do just about anything… except marriage apparently which is a life sentence, a fun life sentence he says while looking over his shoulder… but in March of 2016 we will bid everyone a fair adieu.  Even though this decision was made before I saw R.I.P.D., the film has nonetheless strengthened my resolve to stick to this plan.  A movie that isn't quite as bad as I have heard, but still a movie that makes it no fun to write about movies.

Based off of a comic book, because if you want a movie greenlit nowadays it had best be based off of something and not something you actually thought of, we get to hang out with hardcore cop Nick Walker (Ryan Reynolds) who we see has a great relationship with his partner Bobby (Kevin Bacon) and is madly in love with his wife Julia (Stefanie Szostak) and life is great.  Except for the fact Bobby and Nick heisted some gold from a drug bust and Nick is feeling all guilty and stuff and wants to turn his gold into the evidence room.  Now if we were to fast forward to the purpose this gold served, what happens next doesn't make much sense in the grand scheme of things, but we aren't going to do that.  Just know that there's a big drug bust and Nick dies in the process.

Now apparently since Nick stole this gold, gold that he was about to give back anyway, and despite the fact he seemed to be a righteous dude, he was on the fast track to hell after death.  Clearly the requirements for admission to the gates of pearl are stringent in this reality.  But fortunately for Nick he has a set of skills that the in-between needs, that being police badassery.  As told by Proctor (Mary Louise-Parker) the administrator of this place, the Rest In Peace Division needs badass cops
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of questionable morale composition to descend to back to Earth and bring back the dead who somehow escape final judgment.  Nick also gets partner in this task of his in the surly 1800's Texas Ranger Royphesus Pulsipher (Jeff Bridges), a veteran of the R.I.P.D who will show him the ropes.  Mix Match buddy cop movie hilarity shall theoretically ensue. 

Nick is down because he gets to go back Earth and be with Julie, but unfortunately he looks just like actor James Hong and Roy looks like swimsuit model Marissa Miller, so his wife will never know her true love again.  But there are more pressing matters, like that stolen gold.  The Dead apparently have a plan of some sort, that being to open the gates of Where The Dead People Live and not be dead no more.  Or something along those lines.  Worst still is that somehow Nick's old trusted partner might have something to do with this, and even more troubling is that his widowed wife could be in danger because of the plan of the Dead People.  Nick and Roy must save her.  And the Planet Earth.  Thrilling action shall theoretically ensue.

So if were to come to me and say 'Dude, I have a movie for you to see that is a rip off of 'Men In Black' and 'Ghost Busters' with a touch of 'Heaven Can Wait' tossed in', then I'm not going too terribly upset that I have to go see that movie.  Why?  Because those are good movies.  If you're going to rip off a movie one might as well rip off a movie that was pretty good, right?  I don't see anybody ripping off 'Jaws 4: The Revenge'.  The question is, however, is how could a film with a veteran director in Robert Schwentke, a ton of money behind it, and a fairly high dollar cast turn out so inert?  I didn't think that 'R.I.P.D' was the worst movie ever, but it was kind of like watching paint dry.  Sure, watching paint dry may sound like it's terrible, but to this movies benefit, at least it was like watching really exciting paint dry.  Super Paint.  Know what I'm saying?

Actually, watching R.I.P.D. turned out to be more of a curiosity.  You have all this stuff going on and all of this action, you have Jeff Bridges turning the dial on Rooster Cogburn to ten and then finding eleven, you have Ryan Reynolds doing that fast talking thing he does which has made him rich, though I must say this is like the first time I think I've seen Ryan looking bored doing that thing he does… not so for Jeff Bridges who has now taken Rooster to twelve on the dial… not to mention Kevin Bacon completely mastering the art of snarky cool, yet nothing ever really seemed to be happening.  I mean I'm watching a movie, there are manic images dancing around in front of my eyes, I should be entertained by this… but I'm not.  

The real issue, at least for me, is that I really don't know why I wasn't entertained, and this is why I have no real desire to write anything about this movie, or movies like it anymore.  I should probably read what somebody else had to say which may enlighten me on why this expensive, explosive, star laden movie was so… blah… but that would take like two extra mouse clicks and I just don't have the energy.  Besides, I just saw that video of the girl twerking upside down then setting herself on fire.  Now THAT'S entertainment.  R.I.P.D… not so much.  I'm not going to miss this. 
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