And finally it has come to an end, my journey
across the Star Wars universe, ending today with 'Star Wars
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi'. The journey has been an
exciting one, fraught with disappointment, such as the
entirety of 'The Phantom Menace' and the CGI tinkering of 'A
New Hope', unlimited joy in the form of 'The Empire Strikes
Back', some surprises such as how much I actually enjoyed
the rampant stupidity that was 'Revenge of the Sith', and
now 'Return of the Jedi', a movie that I remember being
disappointed with after seeing it in high school back in
1983… though I had to pretend like I loved it, otherwise the
friends I saw it with would've made me walk home. I've seen
'Jedi' a couple of times since then and that niggling
feeling of disappointment has never gone away, but at least
now I can put it into words in an attempt to explain myself.
When we last saw our heroes, Han was encased in Carbonite
and shipped off to Jabba the Hut, Leia is sad because she
loves Han and stuff, and Luke has been hit with the
revelation that Darth Vader is his dad. First order of
business, rescue Han, and then as a Special Edition Blu-Ray
edition holder, suffer through the 'enhanced' scene at
Jaba's party enclave. That I could've done without
witnessing. After dealing with that bit of nonsense, action
and adventure ensue as Lando shows up, Han is saved, and
Jabba goes out like a total punk. But that's okay because
this is the general theme of this movie.
It is time, once and for all, to strike the death blow to
The Empire as our heroes have critical information and codes
on how to infiltrate their systems, blow up their as yet
operational brand new Death Star, and freedom will reign.
Everything seems to be going well, our heroes land on the
planet Endor, and here's where the problems for me
personally begin with 'Return of the Jedi'. Let's begin with
Ewoks. You younger guys had Jar Jar, I had Ewoks, and I've
always hated them. Always. Even as a young teenager I saw
Ewoks more as a marketing ploy as opposed to a legitimate
ally to assist in defeating the Empire. Ewoks throwing rocks
at lasers probably shouldn't equate into victory. Ewoks
annoyed me then, they still do today. If George Lucas really
wanted to improve his movies he should've CGI'd out the
Ewoks.
Soon Luke will make the revelation to Leia that
she's his sister. So just as I always felt that Vader being
Luke's father was something that wasn't in the original Star
Wars plan, a retcon thrown into 'Empire' for dramatic effect
later down the line, I also believe that Luke and Leia being
brother and sister wasn't in the original 'Empire' plan,
just tossed into 'Jedi' mainly to clear the way for Leia and
Han. Just what I think.
Then after this Luke has to make a trip to the Star
Destroyer housing Darth Vader to finally, once and for all
face down Vader and deal with the emperor. Luke believes his
old man can be salvaged, Vader assures him this is not the
case while the Emperor drones on and on begging Luke to
punch him in the face. Again… not my favorite sequence of
events in a Star Wars movie. It's repetitive, Luke needs to
do something as opposed to looking out the window watching
things die, the Emperor is more annoying than he's ever been
and the unfortunate destruction of the greatest villain in
cinema, setup so beautifully in 'The Empire Strikes Back'
has begun. Ultimately this is the root of my issues with
this film. That… and the deconstruction of the once great
Han Solo.
The Han that I knew would never have given up the Millennium
Falcon so some other guy could fly in and blow tie fighters
into smithereens, even if that guy was Lando Calrissian. The
Han that I knew wouldn't be sitting around all depressed and
whining about his girlfriend finding another boyfriend, that
turned out to be her brother. The Han that I knew wouldn't
be cowering in a corner trying desperately to stay of the
way of Storm Trooper fire, but would've run dead square into
danger, foolishly risking his life and those around him. The
Han in 'Jedi? This guy wouldn't shoot first. I guess a few
months in carbonite takes its toll on a man. I guess.
But now it's time for Luke to make a decision. And Vader for
that matter. Strike in anger against the Emperor and join
the dark side, or resist and die. How about this? Strike in
anger against the Emperor, don't join the dark side, then
resist and live? That sounds much better. All he needs is
for the former Anakin Skywalker to find his inner goodness.
The guy who a couple of movies ago tried to blow him out of
space with his pimped out Tie Fighter. The guy in the last
movie who cut off his hand and benignly watched as this son
of his fell to his presumed death down some 1000ft. shaft.
This guy. A guy who would rather choke you to death with his
brain, than shake your hand. This guy. Our plan for our life
continuing rests on a guy who has spent the majority of his
life in blind pursuit of darkness and evil. There is no way
that this guy is going to do this, because he's Darth
Freaking Vader! Because after this so-called Emperor
finishes electrocuting this punk kid with his magic fingers,
I'd figure Vader to kill this cat... because he will turn
out to be a surprisingly easy out… and now he's running
things. Because he's Darth Freaking Vader!
This is not what happened. You know what happened. Darth
Vader did not stay true to himself or the game, and instead
gave in to marketing sentimentality. And I was sad. It's not
that I wanted Vader to win, but I wanted him to go out like
a dark hero. Like the Dark Lord he was born to be. I didn't
get that. And the worst insult? At the end, a redeemed
Anakin in spirit form, who I didn't want to see anyway,
looked like Hayden Christensen. Just kill me now.
Now… 'Return of the Jedi' is still a very good movie. A
swashbuckling good time adventure for one and all. And my
colleague Lisa, being a decade or so younger, loves Ewoks.
Probably had a couple Ewok happy meals back in the day, and
we're not mad at anyone who does love those horrible
creatures. Let's just say back in 1983, considering what I
had seen with 'Empire Strikes Back' and having to wait three
years… my hyper amped up expectations were a little
disappointed by what I saw with 'Return of the Jedi'.
