Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Upon further review, I have noticed that I spend way too much time commenting on how hot this woman was in some movie or how hot that woman was in some movie, or what a nice round booty this woman had in some movie or what glorious cheek bones that woman had in some movie.  It may be true that I like looking at pretty women, but I understand that women are so much than eye candy.  I was raised by a woman with a couple of masters and PhD, and my sister is a PhD. candidate as well, not to mention the numerous aunts and female colleagues who are women of achievement, accomplishment and substance.  But my GOD is Amy Webber, who plays the sister in the awful disaster of a horror flick ‘Pumpkin Karver’ hot as hell.  Whoa!  Amy is Lynn Starks, sister of Jonathan Starks (Michael Zara) who is your typical weird maladjusted teenager or something.  We first see Amy parading around in her finest secrets of Victoria, white lace contrasting against perfectly tanned skin and long cascading dark hair framing her lovely dark eyes.  I’ve said it before, sometimes God takes time out of his busy day to actually craft the bodies of certain humans, and he put some overtime into crafting Amy’s flawless physique.  I would have liked to verify that everything was original equipment, but since the flick had no nudity, I can neither confirm nor deny.  But what was there on display was truly outstanding.  And if you’re like me, you like your ladies with a little maturity to them, as it seems some of the hottest women around are no longer peach fuzz squealing teenagers or obnoxious twenty somethings.  and that suits us just fine.

But you may have clicked on this link to actually find out what exactly is ‘Pumpkin

Karver’ all about.  I sincerely apologize for this transgression.  In ‘Pumpkin Karver’ Jonathan Starks kills his sister’s boyfriend because the boyfriend thought it would be funny to break into the house on Halloween and pretend to be a crazed killer and chase the sister around the house.  After shanking the dude, poor Jonathan is emotionally scarred, but Amy wants to make her brother feel better so they go out to a Halloween party featuring lots of drinking, teenagers and a weird old dude.  Somebody starts killing the drunk horny teens, who don’t get naked, and Lynn Starks is going to find out who’s behind the carnage.

The crime that ‘Pumpkin Karver’ is most guilty of is that it is boring.  Sure the story is a retread, and the acting, including the physically perfect Amy Webber, is suspect and the production levels low, but I love low budget, poorly acted, retread movies as long as they don’t bore us.  Hell, I’ve made one.  Perhaps if writer director Robert Mann could have compressed the story a bit more with a tighter edit, then it wouldn’t have felt as if the movie lasted twice as long as it’s 90 minute running time.

Oh well, I hope Amy gets another opportunity to show us what she has, as far as her acting ability goes that is, because this woman is worth keeping an eye on, a woman of substance I might add as she served as associate producer on this dreck. 

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