When I was a kid, my parents took me to this little comedy called ‘National Lampoon’s Animal House’.  In hindsight, I was probably a little too young to be going to this at the show, but when I was kid, things like rating and stuff didn’t mean a whole to parents back in the day.  The folks wanted to go to the show, they packed up the kids and went to the show.  ‘Boxcar Bertha’, ‘The Godfather’, ‘Walking Tall’ are just a sample of the R-rated movies I remember my parents dragging me too as a youth.  Hell, I’m not that screwed up so I guess it didn’t do too much harm.  There is no point to that story, other than to point out that there was a time when the precursor ‘National Lampoon Presents…’ used to mean something of note.  Now, instead of using the term ‘National Lampoon Presents…’ they may well just say; ‘The Garbage you are about to see is called…’  because that would be the most fairly accurate description of the time you are about to waste.  Now to toss on the pile with the ‘Van Wilder 2’s’ and the ‘Dorm Dazes’ we have ‘The Garbage you are about to see is called… PUCKED’.  But who knows, maybe they didn’t let us down this time.

That, of course, would be a gatdamn lie. 

The lameness starts with rocking Jon Bon Jovi as sad sack Frank who lives with his lawyer sister Leona (Nora Dunn) and has one lame brain scheme after another.  After the failure of his boomerang ball, he has dreamed up the perfect idea.  A woman’s hockey league.  Frank’s logic is based on the ‘success’ of the WNBA, which makes this Einsteinian concoction a can’t miss proposition.  Of course those that even

follow sports know that Men’s professional hockey ain’t exactly having the best go at it, but now the wheels are in motion for mayhem and hilarity.  Or at least in theory. 

You see Frank has funded his league using credit cards that were unwittingly sent to his jobless, W-2 lacking ass by the evil credit card companies.  But even though the companies willingly sent Frank these cards, they decide they’re going to prosecute the loser for fraud.  Wouldn’t you know it though, Frank used to be a crack lawyer before he became a loser and turns into Perry Mason on their stupid asses, exposing the corruption in the credit card industry, creating an awesome woman’s hockey league, getting the girl and saving the day!

Where to start with this one?  How about with Rockin’ Jon Bon Jovi, who I wound never classify as a ‘bad’ actor since dude has done decent work in flicks ‘U571’ and probably a couple others I’m too lazy to look up, but my man sure was godawful in this one.  The problem probably stems from the fact that Jon Bon Jovi is a freaking Rock Star!  You know, good looks, feathered hear, tight jeans, sock stuck in his pants, screaming girls?  This persona generally doesn’t lend itself very well to the ‘sad sack loser’ camp.  And since Mr. Bon Jovi isn’t exactly a master thespian, he never comes close to pulling off the whole loser thing.  Now, David Faustino of ‘Married with Children’ fame who plays Frank’s long suffering best buddy on the other hand could have easily pulled off the whole loser thing, and they should have stuck him in the role of Frank, and put Bon Jovi in the role of the best friend but this is Bon Jovi flick, and not a Faustino flick.  perhaps it still would have sucked, but it would have sucked incrementally less.  Maybe.

This crap was directed by the Academy award nominated Arthur Hiller, who at one time was an A-list Hollywood director.  Now at the tender age eighty freaking four, he unwittingly was coerced out of what I’m sure was a grand time of shuffle board and bridge with blue hairs to helm this mess.  Go on back to the pool Mr. Hiller, I’ll make sure these clowns won’t pester you anymore.  Seriously, there’s a crapload of film school grads being spit out every year who would have loved the opportunity to direct junk like this, but these guys had to go grab an 84 year old man and ruin HIS freaking legacy.

Cary Elwes was in this too sadly.  Another fine actor in a horrible film.  As I’ve said before, I’m not going feed anybody’s children or pay the rent on their condo’s, so dude can show up in a snuff film for all I care, it’s just somewhat disappointing to see Westley from the ‘Princess Bride’ in stuff like this.  A man’s gotta eat, I get that completely.

Not much more to say about ‘Pucked’ other than there were a few truly gratuitous tit shots that keep the movie from being a total waste of one’s time.  That aside, Jon Bon Jovi, you give comedy a bad name.  Sorry, I can’t believe I just said that.