Ever since she was Lenina Huxley in ‘Demolition Man’ I’ve been a Sandra Bullock guy.  Just the cutest thing that woman.  We’re even almost born on the same day with Sandra being birthed a day later than I, and a few of years earlier.  Strong Leo woman as I’m a strong Leo man.  If I actually believed in that horoscope nonsense that is.  The lovely Ms. Bullock, or Mrs. Jesse James as I believe she is now, has amassed as HUGE number of film credits and millions of millions of dollars since those ‘Demolition Man’ days, pumping out one mediocre title after another.  Her latest vehicle ‘Premonition’ almost had me yearning for a third ‘Miss Congeniality’.  Almost.

Sandy B. is Linda Hanson, a seemingly perfectly normal housewife with two beautiful little girls and a hardworking husband, all living in quaint suburbia.  A fateful knock on the front door carries the awful message that Linda’s husband Jim (Julian McMahon) has died in a horrible car crash.  As it so goes, Linda has to tearfully break the awful news to her daughters and arrangements have to made as these things are never easy to deal with.  But wouldn’t you know it, the next day that damn Jim is sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee.  This confuses Linda a bit, but she is happy that her husband isn’t dead and passes it off as the most realistic dream of all time.  But wouldn’t you know it, when she wakes up the next day that damn Jim is dead again and there are a bunch of folks in her living room, dressed in black and eating up her food.  By now Linda’s in full trip out mode since she thinks her husband really isn’t dead, until his head rolls out the casket, and her daughter has a face full cuts, and there’s a pretty blonde off to the side at the funeral, and everybody thinks she’s wacko.

Eventually Linda figures out that she’s living these days out of their intended order and since she never knows what day of the week she’s going to wake up on, she starts making

up a chart to figure out the timeline and figure out what day her husband dies so that she can stop it from happening.  Then she starts contemplating does she really want to stop it from happening since she’s learning a few things about her husband that paints him in a less than favorable eye.  Then she has a deep, philosophical meeting with her priest she hasn’t seen since forever where they discuss something about something I didn’t understand. This conversation apparently put the woman’s mind at ease but only served to confuse me more.  But at least now Linda knows what she must do.

‘Premonition’ is an illogical, slow moving, unevenly paced mess of movie, this much is certain.  It would seem that director Mennen Yapo wanted to challenge the viewer, but unfortunately only served to confuse.  Since I’m not a Hollywood insider or anything, I’m not sure how the process works from somebody finding a script from the millions they get each week and that particular one making to the Cineplex one day, but I would be curious to see the original script by scribe Bill Kelly because I’m certain that it’s not nearly as sloppy as the end product that ended up on the screen.  Without spoiling anything, if you’re going to make a movie with a disjointed timeline, then the narrative has to be fairly tight so that, for example, when a car crashes on Tuesday, and you jump ahead to Thursday, then dammit, that car still better be wrecked on Thursday.  But there are too many instances in ‘Premonition’ where these rules are either forgotten or completely ignored.

Then ‘Premonition’ goes all spiritual on us, I suppose in way to give us a reason why these things are happening to poor Linda.  It’s completely unsatisfactory and makes very little sense to the point the filmmakers would have been better served simply going with the ‘stuff happens so don’t worry about it’ angle.  But instead we have examination of faith, beliefs, miracles and not going to mass in twenty years.  What this has to with an exploding husband beats the hell out of me.  The whole thing culminates in a final frame which I suppose justifies everything that has come before, but again simply leaves one asking ‘What?’

Sandra Bullock is breezy, effortless actress who does her best work in breezy movies.  Not that she was particularly bad in this, but there wasn’t a lot anyone could have done to bring this one home.  She does seem to have gained about twenty pounds though.  In all the right places too I might add.  Yes, that may be somewhat inappropriate and applies to nothing having anything to with this crap movie, but surely by now you’ve figured out that I’m inappropriate and crass to a fault and since I accept no responsibility for my own behavior, it’s all good.

All in all, another fairly sub par effort from the always lovely Ms. Bullock who no doubt has another 10 mil or so to throw on the pile.  Where I come from Mr. Jesse James car dude, we call your wife quite the catch.  You have certainly traded up.