Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

So can Canadians do ‘American Pie’? Or similar type flicks even? Well we’re about to find out with this wacky above the border teen / young adult comedy ‘Pigs’. I didn’t even realize that this flick was Canadian based until leading man Jefferson Brown told some guy to ‘get oot’. Well there you go, we have Canadians. But do we have humor, amusement and joy?

Miles (Brown) is quite the playa playa as he, the college senior, brings back a Polaroid of a picture of him enjoying his first threesome and showing it off to his struggling dorm mates, known as well…‘strugglers’. As his number one pal Cleaver (Darryn Lucio) points out to his fellow strugglers, some guys ‘just have it’. He’d be correct in that as I have seen it in play where seemingly ordinary cats have the most amazing success with the fairer sex, and there are not too many dudes who seem more ordinary than Miles. Maybe some chick or gay dude could correct me here, but he doesn’t seem too terribly charming or all that good looking. Of course we’re not saying that there’s anything wrong with a non-gay cat staring at some dude and remarking on how great he may look or how nice his shoulders are, I personally just don’t know any non-gay dudes who talk like that. Not that talking like that makes you gay, it just means that I don’t know you, even though you’re probably a wonderful, chick pulling, pipe-slinging male. It’s doubtful though. That’s all I’m saying. If you haven’t guessed by now I don’t have a heckuva lot to say about ‘Pigs’ which is why I’m going around circles talking to myself.

Anyway, Cleaver has discovered that Miles the playa has nailed a good number of young women at the school covering most of the alphabet and decides, with Miles approval, to make a bet with his dorm mates that Miles can close out the alphabet out at the end of the semester. This disgust dorm mate Ben (Christopher Elliot) who is one

of those soft sons of bitches who think women should be treated with ‘respect’. Of course I’m JOKING! I just really don’t feel up to this review is all. Now all Miles needs to close out the deal is find some woman whose last name starts with the letter X. It just so happens that the ultra nerdy Ben has big crush on the lovely Gabrielle (Melanie Marden), whose last name is Xeropolis or something along those lines. This puts Miles the playa on full tilt assault as he attempts like hell to close the deal on the down-to-earth totally real Gabrielle. But then a funny thing happens, he falls in love. Ben doesn’t believe the playa though and sets about the task sabotaging Miles love efforts just like the simpering punk we always thought he was. He was who we thought he was. As you might imagine this happens, then that happens, love gets interrupted and we wait to see if love can get back on track.

So I’m sitting back in my chair and fold my arms over my ample gut watching this predictable bit of Canadian Comedy and start talking to my television. ‘Pigs’ I say, ‘surprise me. Do something different. Don’t follow this tiresome road of predictability that you’re traveling down right now, just do something different’. Wouldn’t you know it, it did. It didn’t make a hell of a lot of sense, at least not to me considering the direction this film was going, but it did take a left turn instead of traveling down that same tired road, and that’s gotta be worth something.

‘Pigs’ isn’t a bad little young adult comedy, it’s just not that much of a funny one. You may think, ‘It’s a comedy that’s not very funny and thus it HAS to be bad’. But no, ‘Cougar Club’ is bad. ‘Pucked’ is bad. ‘The Foursome’ is bad. ‘Pigs’ isn’t particularly bad as the story was fairly interesting, the characters were a bit dynamic, and the actors were decent. Some of the lines were good, it offered some insight into the mind of the depraved male, and though it wasn’t knee slappingly funny, it did have its humorous moments and as such if I saw director Karl DePelino walking down the street I wouldn’t feel compelled to slap him silly, as we would say the director of ‘Cougar Club’.

DePelino probably could have sexed up his wacky comedy a bit more, he might have wanted to make the ‘sympathetic’ character of Ben a bit less of a bitch, and make Miles ‘the playa’ a bit more… I don’t know… appealing. Like I said, actor Jefferson Brown might be the bees knees for all I know, but he didn’t come off as the playa type to me. Don’t ask me what ‘bees knees’ means, but some old dude I work with uses that term all the time in reference to something good. Do Bees even have knees? And if they do, why would it be a good thing?

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