And the torture continues.
One would think my quest to watch every single SyFy Channel
original ever made, now taking us into the year of 2015,
would be getting easier now since SyFy barely makes
originals anymore, but it would seem the less they make, the
less I'm more inclined to go back in time to watch. I'm sure
there's something psychological here at work, the fear of
finishing off this mission then forced to do something
worthwhile with my life, which is something we really don't
want to do. That brings us to this little run of the mill
gem from 2004, 'Vampires: Out for Blood', which as a title
does seem a bit redundant, since what else would vampires be
out for? Like naming your biopic 'Colonel Sanders: He Fried
Chicken'. Just saying is all I'm saying. Anyway, we watched
this run of the mill movie, so I'm kind of bound to say
something about it.
Kevin Dillon is a tough cop, going by the tough cop name of
Hank Holten. On this day in the park, Hank is simultaneously
stalking his soon to be ex-wife Susan (Vanessa Angel) and
beating some random mugger near to death. Unfortunately Hank
has being doing stuff like this for a while, which has his
boss Captain Billings (Lance Henriksen) all in a panty bunch
about this behavior. Hank has one last chance to get right,
and that would be finding some missing teenage girl.
So the Captain sends this guy, who he knows has a drinking
problem, to a bar to find this chick. Well look, there she
is. Problem is she's totally a vampire. She galmours this
dude, drags him to one of those wild vampire orgies that we
see in movies like this all the time, one that I'm sure had
to have been heavily edited for the TV version of this mess,
and then it's time to start eating him. But apparently
Holten has the good stuff because the Boss Vampire wants him
all to himself, and he looked like he was tasting really
good too, until Holten pulled down the drapes and exposed
the sunlight. Now one would think that the Vampires would
have bricked out walls and such to stop just this kind of
thing from happening, but not these vampires.
Now Holten has a situation. He tells his boss
that Vampires are around causing trouble, but nobody
believes him. He's been bitten so he's in the process of the
change. And that vampire chick that lured him to that
vampire orgy is totally f'n with him every chance she gets.
Fortunately, amazingly, coincidentally, Holten's ex-wife is
this realities version of Anne Rice and she has all kinds of
critical vampire info. And before this bad stuff happened to
her sap of an ex-husband, she thought vampires were just a
fantasy. Imagine her glee to find out they are real, minus
the downside that her husband is currently turning into one.
All we have to do to keep Holten from changing is kill the
King Vamp before sunrise, or the first feed, or some other
nonsense I can't remember, which will require Holten to
descend into this creatures lair and take it out. His
ex-wife thinks she's going to, but to keep her safe Holten
cleverly handcuffs her to a nearby stairwell. So she can't
move. Right outside where the vamps live. With the sun
dropping. With those parameters in place, girlfriend's
safety is all but guaranteed.
There's not a heck of a lot I can offer up by way of a
'review' of this movie 'Vampires: Out for Blood' as it
doesn't give the viewer and awful lot to chew on. It's a
pretty standard vampire yarn that, at least as far as I
could see, doesn't offer too much new for the genre.
Vampires did kind of bust up in hotel rooms, lopping of
peoples heads and stuff, when I kind of thought that they
needed to be invited in to do that kind of stuff, but since
vampires aren't real, I guess you can do anything you want
with their mythology. Like Vampires having protruded
cheekbones and Frankenstein foreheads before doing any
vampire stuff. And I did like the concept of the
'intervention'. So one of your buddies tells you he sees
vampires and stuff and you decide to help by having an
intervention. But exactly how does one intervene with
someone who believes in vampires? I think the word they were
looking for was 'committed', and I am sad that this
intervention didn't happen because I really wanted to see
it.
But all of that rigmarole to the side, for the most part
what we have here is a production covered in a nice layer of
the blah's, one that at least does feature an earnest
performance put forth by one Kevin Dillon. Matt's baby
brother might not be the best actor around, but at least my
man isn't one to mail in a performance. Maybe because he
can't afford to, but I think this was being made while he
was on 'Entourage' so it's not like he was desperate for
cash. We enjoy seeing Sir Lance in anything, despite the
fact he doesn't act like enjoys being in just about
everything, and I guess we can give this movie credit for
not putting me to sleep. It did have some kind of weird
end-twist which I'm not quite sure of, but by that time most
people who watch this movie will just take satisfaction in
that they made it all the way through.
Another run of the mill Sci-Fi original. Get the DVD
version, if you are dead set on watching this, because at
least you will get to see some titties.
