Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
And the torture continues.

One would think my quest to watch every single SyFy Channel original ever made, now taking us into the year of 2015, would be getting easier now since SyFy barely makes originals anymore, but it would seem the less they make, the less I'm more inclined to go back in time to watch. I'm sure there's something psychological here at work, the fear of finishing off this mission then forced to do something worthwhile with my life, which is something we really don't want to do. That brings us to this little run of the mill gem from 2004, 'Vampires: Out for Blood', which as a title does seem a bit redundant, since what else would vampires be out for? Like naming your biopic 'Colonel Sanders: He Fried Chicken'. Just saying is all I'm saying. Anyway, we watched this run of the mill movie, so I'm kind of bound to say something about it.

Kevin Dillon is a tough cop, going by the tough cop name of Hank Holten. On this day in the park, Hank is simultaneously stalking his soon to be ex-wife Susan (Vanessa Angel) and beating some random mugger near to death. Unfortunately Hank has being doing stuff like this for a while, which has his boss Captain Billings (Lance Henriksen) all in a panty bunch about this behavior. Hank has one last chance to get right, and that would be finding some missing teenage girl.

So the Captain sends this guy, who he knows has a drinking problem, to a bar to find this chick. Well look, there she is. Problem is she's totally a vampire. She galmours this dude, drags him to one of those wild vampire orgies that we see in movies like this all the time, one that I'm sure had to have been heavily edited for the TV version of this mess, and then it's time to start eating him. But apparently Holten has the good stuff because the Boss Vampire wants him all to himself, and he looked like he was tasting really good too, until Holten pulled down the drapes and exposed the sunlight. Now one would think that the Vampires would have bricked out walls and such to stop just this kind of thing from happening, but not these vampires.
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Now Holten has a situation. He tells his boss that Vampires are around causing trouble, but nobody believes him. He's been bitten so he's in the process of the change. And that vampire chick that lured him to that vampire orgy is totally f'n with him every chance she gets. Fortunately, amazingly, coincidentally, Holten's ex-wife is this realities version of Anne Rice and she has all kinds of critical vampire info. And before this bad stuff happened to her sap of an ex-husband, she thought vampires were just a fantasy. Imagine her glee to find out they are real, minus the downside that her husband is currently turning into one.

All we have to do to keep Holten from changing is kill the King Vamp before sunrise, or the first feed, or some other nonsense I can't remember, which will require Holten to descend into this creatures lair and take it out. His ex-wife thinks she's going to, but to keep her safe Holten cleverly handcuffs her to a nearby stairwell. So she can't move. Right outside where the vamps live. With the sun dropping. With those parameters in place, girlfriend's safety is all but guaranteed.

There's not a heck of a lot I can offer up by way of a 'review' of this movie 'Vampires: Out for Blood' as it doesn't give the viewer and awful lot to chew on. It's a pretty standard vampire yarn that, at least as far as I could see, doesn't offer too much new for the genre. Vampires did kind of bust up in hotel rooms, lopping of peoples heads and stuff, when I kind of thought that they needed to be invited in to do that kind of stuff, but since vampires aren't real, I guess you can do anything you want with their mythology. Like Vampires having protruded cheekbones and Frankenstein foreheads before doing any vampire stuff. And I did like the concept of the 'intervention'. So one of your buddies tells you he sees vampires and stuff and you decide to help by having an intervention. But exactly how does one intervene with someone who believes in vampires? I think the word they were looking for was 'committed', and I am sad that this intervention didn't happen because I really wanted to see it.

But all of that rigmarole to the side, for the most part what we have here is a production covered in a nice layer of the blah's, one that at least does feature an earnest performance put forth by one Kevin Dillon. Matt's baby brother might not be the best actor around, but at least my man isn't one to mail in a performance. Maybe because he can't afford to, but I think this was being made while he was on 'Entourage' so it's not like he was desperate for cash. We enjoy seeing Sir Lance in anything, despite the fact he doesn't act like enjoys being in just about everything, and I guess we can give this movie credit for not putting me to sleep. It did have some kind of weird end-twist which I'm not quite sure of, but by that time most people who watch this movie will just take satisfaction in that they made it all the way through.

Another run of the mill Sci-Fi original. Get the DVD version, if you are dead set on watching this, because at least you will get to see some titties.
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