While I’m certain that getting gang raped in any way, shape or form is something that nobody wants to happen to them, imagine getting gang raped by mutated, decaying, Nazi zombie monsters. That would suck. This is what happens to a poor woman in the latest epic production from our friends at The Asylum who have stepped to the plate to deliver yet another bat-shit insane classic in ‘Nazi’s at the Center of the Earth’!
During the waning days of WWII, Dr. Josef Mengele (Christopher Karl Johnson) has just received some fancy new evil Nazi tech when a Nazi soldier yells ‘TANKS’! He misspoke, this soldier, since it was just one lousy CGI tank, which Mengele promptly blows up with his pimped out bazooka. We could mention that Mengele would’ve been about thirty five during this time but looked to be around seventy four, but why would we do that? We also didn’t know that Mengle, in addition to being a demented mad scientist, was a Luger toting sharpshooter, popping Gerry’s in the head from moving vehicles like it was nobody’s business. Josef Mengele is awesome. In this movie. I mean in reality he’s like the worst person ever. Seriously. Anyway, Mengele flies off to eventually die in Bolivia some thirty plus years later.
OH NO HE DIDN’T! Turns out Mengele went to the Antarctica, set himself up a fancy lab, and continued his assault on humanity in service to the Third Reich. How do I know this? Well there’s a scientific team doing stuff up in Antarctica, like Dr. Paige (Dominique Swain), her boyfriend Dr. Lucas (Josh Allen), and jerk off Dr. Adrian (Jake Busey). There’s other doctor’s but they’re going to be too busy dying for us to worry all that much about them. How is Mengele still alive since he should be well over a hundred by now? Well… he is a mad Nazi scientist you know and these movies sure do have fun with Nazi’s and their experiments.
But how this involves our crew is that Paige and some dude were doing some snow research, stumbled upon some Nazi’s, and were kidnapped. So Lucas and the rest of the crew went looking for them and found a hole in the ice leading them to Mengele’s
amazing underground world complete with warmth, sunshine, Nazi zombies and horrible experiments. And it doesn’t look like these scientists stumbled upon this enclave by accident, considering they are all at the top of their respective genetic fields. Which is why they work in Antarctica as opposed to someplace a little more in line with a respected scientist at the top of their field. Worst still it looks like Lucas’ one true love, Paige, has fallen in with the Mengele plan which involves a lot of people getting their faces ripped off. It’s complicated . Mengele needs these cats to execute his master plan, except for poor Dr. Blechman who has the misfortune of being Jewish and stuff, and this master plan is something else. I mean if a Nazi has a master plan you can guess what it revolves around, but if you guessed how Mengele and his crew executed this particular version of the Nazi plan, you’re a better one than me. This I didn’t see coming.
little while back we viewed the
Collision’ which we
proclaimed The Best Asylum Movie
Ever. Now we have ‘Nazis
at the Center of the Earth’
which we can’t say has taken
‘Air Collisions’ briefly awarded
crown as of yet, but it does
make this back to back Asylum
flicks… if not outright good
movies… but were both enjoyably
Directed by Joseph J. Lawson, a young man who has served up special effects for over twenty Asylum pictures, not to mention a bunch more that have showed up on SyFy, and somehow this cat has parlayed this into Latt and Rimwari allowing him to direct. Did they not see their own ‘Battle of Los Angeles’. Of course we are just joking because we love to see people get a chance to expand their horizons, and Mr. Lawson has managed to make a movie that is better than almost all of the movies he’s done special effects for. Except for ‘Air Collision’. If you stumble across this Mr. Lawson, how much does The Asylum pay you for what you do? If they pay you at all. I mean they are seriously working you like a three dollar whore.
Regardless, some the effects in this one were pretty good. The one tank in the beginning was a little lame, but the flying Reich Fortress was kind of sweet. Then there was the robot with the secret surprise that would come later… truly the coup de grace in narrative and effect for this film and almost makes this movie worth seeing just for that alone.
Sure the acting was a little spotty what with Dominique Swain and all of her trademark hysterical screaming, yes we felt sorry for poor actress Maria Pallas who was the unfortunate girl who had to show us her tits while being gang raped by zombie Nazis, there was the occasional gap in illogical logic, even in a movie that’s patently based on being illogical, and I swear it looks like a scene or two was missing, but if you have to watch one movie with Super Nazi Zombies… that’s not named ‘Outpost’… and has Nazis ripping off people’s faces and using it as their own… with a bunch of other deranged stuff piled on for good measure… I’m just saying you could do worse than ‘Nazis at the Center of the Earth’.