There are bad movies, and then there is the Shaw Brothers classic 'The Mighty Peking Man', or 'Goliathon'… a title I like better, if only because if I see a 200 foot man in an apish looking suit chasing me down a city a street, it's easier to yell AIEEEEEE!!!! GOLIATHAN!!!! As opposed to AIEEEEE!!!!! THE MIGHTY PEKING MAN!!!! One strikes fear, the other one would probably only make you hungry.
Some hut people are attacked by a rear projected avalanche with sets Goliathon free, and they proceed to throw rocks at him. Goliathon doesn't like this. Not even a little bit. He steps on these people. Word of Goliathon's existence has made it back to slippery Hong Kong entrepreneur Lu Tiem (Feng Ku) who thinks it would be a good idea to find this big ape and bring it back to Hong Kong or something, he just needs an expert trapper to help him on this foolish venture.
This introduces us to the heart broken Johnnie Fang (Danny Lee) who has been drowning his sorrows in a bottle ever since he walked in and found the woman he loved in bed with his brother. How do I know Johnnie loved this woman? Because Johnnie liked to flashback to him and this woman dancing in clubs, running on the beach, making sweet sheet covered love and all other kinds of stuff I didn't want to see. The brother claimed he didn't know it was his woman, despite the fact the lady works at the TV station his brother manages. I think the brother is lying.
This trip is just what Johnnie needs to take his mind off of things, but it is a perilous one featuring stamping Elephants… more or less, man eating tigers… not really, dangerous quick sand… less dangerous if only someone would throw a brother a vine, and slippery rocks… which they probably didn't need to be climbing anyway. What they don't see is a giant ape-thing. Slippery Lu Tiem thinks they should abandon the mission, Johnnie says no, even though it seems to be going nowhere, then in the middle of the night, while Johnnie was sleeping, Lu Tiem wakes up the surviving members of the crew and slips away. That's a bitch ass move right there.
Johnnie wakes to no crew, no supplies and no hope. But he finally finds Goliathon, alas Goliathon was not happy to be found. In fact, if it wasn't for the blond lady in the tiger skin bikini and perfect hair and makeup calling herself Ah Wei (Evelyn Kraft), Johnnie would've been toast. Ah Wei and Goliathon, whom she calls Utam, have had a great relationship ever since Utam rescued her as a child and raised her so many years ago. Now Johnnie's life has really turned for the better. He has this smoking hot woman he's been rocking ever since he sucked the venom out from between her thighs… it's complicated… and life is good. Utam probably isn't too crazy about Johnnie, and he does tend to peep in on their activities every once in a while which was a little weird, but he supports his girl.
Then inexplicably Johnnie gets the idea that they should go to Hong Kong and exploit Utam. He even contacts Lu Tiem to make that happen as if Lu Tiem hasn't proven himself to be a big enough dick already. Ah Wei isn't too down with this idea but she loves her some Johnnie and Johnnie wouldn't steer her wrong. Except this one time. Actually every time. For instance, upon reaching Hong Kong Johnnie gives Ah Wei an outfit to wear, theory being she can't be running around Hong Kong in a tiger bikini, but you should've seen the tramp outfit he bought for her. She had more clothes on in the tiger bikini and I was with her when she threw that mess out the window.
As expected, Hong Kong is a disaster. Ah Wei sees Johnnie in the embrace of his slut ex-girlfriend and goes nuts, an imprisoned Goliathon sees Lu Tiem try to rape Ah Wei and goes nuts, Johnnie has lost Ah Wei and Goliathan and goes nuts, and the armed forces has seen Goliathon stomp on its citizenry and they are about to go nuts on him. A big ape on top of tall building going apeshit with a pretty blonde in his hand will ensue.
Yes, The Mighty Peking Man might be an awful movie, but it is only awful when taken as a whole as some of its individual parts are fairly amazing. Danny Lee's performance for instance. This cat has been overacting in movies since before a lot of us were even born and nobody does it quite like Danny Lee can. Then there's Evelyn Kraft whose filmography I will now make it my sole mission to complete. That's like only five movies fortunately, but she was awesome in this movie. Fit, beautiful, her Farrah hair and Revlon makeup always in perfect shape, taught to do these things by Goliathon no doubt. Then there's the true star… Goliathon. One would've thought that the most expensive movie in Hong Kong cinema history, at the time, would've put a few more dollars into making a better monkey suit, but I guess all that money went to convincing Evelyn Kraft to show us some occasional side boobage. Goliathon and the toy sets he was stomping on looked awful… awfully awesome! It was like, while watching this movie, you couldn't imagine it getting worse, but it would, which meant it was kind of getting better. Which makes no sense, I know, but it's true.
One of the best bad movies ever made, with its horrible acting, rear projection special effects, funky monkey suits, overwrought melodrama and one of the worst love songs ever committed to vinyl, we bring you 'The Mighty Peking Man'. I'll see if I can rip that song for you. Always thinking of others.