Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
A few months back, after watching The Asylum's absolutely, positively awful 'Shark Week', I said I was done watching low budget shark attack movies.  Of course that's crazy talk.  I could no more stop watching low budget shark attack movies than I could stop eating cinnamon rolls, especially when we got word that a third Mega Shark movie was in the pipeline.  Being a fan of movies, you could tell me that Scorcese and Coppola are uniting to make a 4th Godfather movie and have found a way to resurrect Marlon Brando from the dead to reprise his role as Don Corleone.  That would please me.  But tell me there's a third Mega Shark movie… that makes me unreasonably happy, and I wish I knew why.  Guess what?  Best. Mega Shark. Ever.  Which, admittedly, might not be that great of an achievement.  But it is an achievement, nonetheless.

A frigate is dragging a Glacier to Egypt to help deal with the drought, but unbeknownst to the captain and his first mate, there's totally a Mega Shark in that ice cube and once free, it wastes no time making a mess things.  Like batting this ship with its caudal fin a couple hundred miles and taking out the Sphinx.  Not cool.

The emergence of this Megalodon is worse than you could ever have imagined.  It's stopped all shipping lanes, trade across the globe has ceased, people making a living at sea no longer have jobs, so this big shark, all by itself, has crippled the economy of the entire planet Earth.  This introduces to the happy married couple of Dr. Rosie (Elisabeth Rohm) and Dr. Jack (Christopher Judge) who are a couple of shark scientist or something and are giving their mini-mech shark a run through.  Their testing is rudely interrupted by the hyper aggressive Admiral Engleberg (Matt Lagan) who has just finished construction on a brand new mega sized MechaShark to take down Mega Shark and he needs Dr. Rosie to pilot it.
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Jack is totally opposed to this because this shark ship hasn't been tested in the water yet (?) and worse, it doesn't have his fancy NERO A.I. installed, but Rosie is gung ho, and this needs to happen because Mega Shark is Off The Chain.  I mean he's wrecking everything.  Pretty much for no reason.  Submarines, oil rigs, destroyers, cities… and we already know from previous installments that Mega Shark does not like low flying aircraft.  So Rosie jumps in this thing, which from the outside looks to be size of three nuclear subs, but inside is the same size of the mini-mech we saw earlier and only houses one person.  Unfortunately, the maiden voyage doesn't go very well.  This new tragedy brings back some bad memories for Rosie and threatens to reunite her with her old friend Beefeater.  Why a recovering alcoholic travels around with a bottle of gin her bag… I don't know. 

What MechaShark needs is a retrofit and a NERO install and it will be ready to go.  In theory.  Another battle between Mecha and Mega takes place, Mecha gets its ass kicked… again… but in the process of this beatdown Mecha's wires get crossed and now Mecha is just as evil as Mega.  And MechaShark has the ability to travel on land.  Sydney Australia is going to have words with the U.S.A. and our haywire technology totally wrecking their town when this is done. 

Now we're really up against it.  Mega Shark at sea, MechaShark on land, both indestructible.  I don't know how this is going to resolve itself.  I know it will, and I saw it happen, but I'm still not sure how it happened.

Directed by new Asylum director Emile Edwin Smith, Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark was pretty darned entertaining.  It's almost a good movie without applying my Asylum curve.  Almost.  For starters the director follows the simple rule of Character First.  Christopher Judge and Elisabeth Rohm, aside from being solid actors, actually seemed like a real couple in this movie that genuinely cared for each other.  Maybe more Chris than Liz, and we're not going to get into all of that, but that's worth something in a movie.  That kind of gets you invested into their well-being.  Then there's our real star, the Mega Shark, which falls perfectly with what I want from my movie monsters.  That is that they have no particular goal, no agenda, and wreck stuff simply because they can.  Previous Mega Sharks liked to belly flop over Destroyer battleships, this Mega Shark belly flops on top of Destroyer Battleships, which makes way more sense.  My favorite scene was probably Christopher Judge riding his motorcycle through Sydney, at a top speed of about eight miles an hour… thinking Chris hasn't ridden many motor bikes… and then somehow at this breakneck speed launches himself over Mecha Shark, Evil Kneivel style.  It was something to see.  And Dr. McNeil… Played by Deborah Gibson… reappears after taking a break from Mega Shark 2.  You can't beat that with a stick.

Typical of the series, we do spend a lot of time watching people look at screens and looking at people pressing buttons and stuff, but this director even found a way to make this seem a little better and move a little faster than previous Mega Shark directors.   And what was with the buttons and knobs?  It's the 21st century.  Touch screens.  Please.  Sure the narrative was fractured and fragmented at times, and it's not the smartest movie around, but it's a Mega Shark movie.  We did notice that every time Mega Shark wrecked something, we were subjected, over and over again, to dudes insanely running up and down stairs of whatever, and it did look like these were the same dudes running up stairs on a destroyer, then downstairs on an oil rig, and I was wondering where they were going in such hurry.  And not to be all persnickety about editing or anything, I mean it's a low budget shark attack movie, but when cutting from a reverse shot when one character is caressing another's face, and in the other reverse, she's not caressing his face, and it goes back and forth… we might also notice that.  No real fix for this except to reshoot, which we know ain't gonna happen, just saying is all.  

Yes, 'Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark' is flawed and there are way more things wrong with it than I went into, but I almost liked this movie without qualification.  It's great for an Asylum movie, and almost pretty okay for a normal movie. 
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