Am I dreaming? Could this really be
true? Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Big Rotund
himself, Steven Seagal, actually in a straight to DVD /VOD
action movie together? For the love of all that's holy
it is true and to surprise of no one the Action Movie Title
Generated 'Maximum Conviction' is awesome. Depending, of
course, on how one defines 'awesome'. That's kind of key
when using that word because some people's definition of
'awesome' could very easily be another person's definition of
'really shitty'. That's all I'm saying.
Cross (Seagal) and Manning (Austin) are a couple of hardcore
badasses given the completely mundane task of shutting down
some kind of SuperMax prison facility. Cross just
brought in a couple of transfers to hole up at this facility
in the completely hot Ms. Samantha (Steph Song) and the even
hotter Ms. Charlotte (Aliyah O'Brien) who are awaiting
transfer, but he doesn't care about them. He just wants
to shut down the prison and go home. Just so you know
almost nothing in this movie makes any kind of logical sense,
say like anything having to do with Ms. Samantha being
arrested and dropped off at a prison considering she's holding
CIA top secret information. Nothing will make sense, and
do not try to make sense of it.
Unfortunately Cross and Manning cannot go home because the
jerk off Warden says they can't leave until the hot chicks
leave, so now they are sad. Fortunately, CIA strongman
Agent Blake (Michael Pare) has arrived to take the hot chicks
away. He even has paperwork to make it all legitimate
and stuff but the jerkoff warden says his paperwork ain't done
right. The warden is going to wish he hadn't said that.
Now we have an all out, balls to the wall
siege on our hands as Agent Blake has a virtual army of
indistinguishable, heavily armed, masked gunmen in this
facility… wait, why are they wearing masks when their leader
isn't wearing a mask? Damn, there I go again asking
stupid questions when obviously it's so the same stunt guy can
get shot by Seagal upstairs, pummeled by Austin downstairs,
step on a landmine over there and get riddled with gunfire
over here. Regardless, Blake has this throng of men on
board to snatch the info being held by hot chick Samantha,
we're not trusting hot chick Charlotte, and the only thing
standing between Samantha's and certain death is Cross and
Manning. Or in other words Blake and his goons don't
stand much of a chance. Wait… would you need a battalion
of armed men just to pick up one scared hot chick? Oh
damn, there we go again! Stop it!
Moving along… worse still for these faceless thugs is that
Cross had his hardcore crew of hardasses on standby, just in
case a crew of faceless, heavily armed thugs by chance happen
to attempt to steal a hot chick from a prison about to be
decommissioned. Who knew? Roll with it
Christopher. Just know that there will be
shootouts and fist fights galore and the eventually the hard
ass Cross, who is the top billing star in this movie, will get
to battle the special ops, special forces badass that is Agent
Blake. It will be a battle for the ages. And if by
battle I mean Agent Blake's face is going to do serious damage
to Cross's fists, elbows and nearby walls, then that's what I
mean.
Clearly what we have here when approaching 'Maximum
Conviction' as a work of viable cinema is the resultant
expectations of expected returns. That's a bunch of
syllables Christopher, but what does it mean? It means,
quite simply, that if you watch a lot of Steven Seagal movies
or Stone Cold Steve Austin movies then 'Maximum Conviction'
should undoubtedly satisfy your narrow scope when it comes to
cinematic entertainment. However if your scope is wider
and you prefer more of an intellectual challenge when it comes
to your valuable movie moments, and by widening intellectual
challenge we are talking Dr. Seuss level, then you may be
disappointed by 'Maximum Conviction'. The choice is
purely all yours.
The basic premise is pretty simple. Bad dudes want hot
chick, good dudes must kill them to save hot chick.
Anything in support of this ridiculously simple premise is
complete and total nonsense and we accepted that early and
often. We also accepted that we had a very difficult
time deciphering Mr. Seagal's vocal style which I can only
call ebonical jazzy mumbling. While I didn't understand
what the hell Seagal was saying 90% of the time, most of the
characters he was talking to answered by rephrasing what he
said in response which did make it easier on us. We also
have to accept that the most vibrant, electric, charming and
talented actor in this film was, by far, Stone Cold Steve
Austin. Stone Cold might lack range, meaning I'm not
having him play Lord Banquo in the latest retelling of
'Macbeth', but my man plays mean, pissed off, oversized and
ugly probably better than anyone working in movies
today. I mean that.
The action in this action thriller is hit and miss, featuring
some decent action sequences mixed with far too many scenes of
people slowly stalking the halls while holding guns in a
menacing way, and director Keoni Waxman didn't do all that
great a job in putting his audience in the frame of mind that
our heroes were ever in any kind of danger. From the
first time we saw Stone and Steve we know those faceless goons
were toast, and nothing in this movie ever changed that
feeling. And if I'm Michael Pare I'm none too happy that
I was portrayed as such a weak bitch-ass sissy in this
movie. Unlike our star at least Pare looks like he lifts
a weight every now and then so maybe they should've let him
land a couple of punches. At least.
All that being said we did enjoy our time spent with 'Maximum
Conviction' because it met and maybe even slightly exceeded
our admittedly kind of low Resultant Expectations.
Expectations that will no doubt vary from user to user.
