The 'Lake Placid' Crocodiles AND the 'Anaconda' anacondas together? In the same movie? Man… that's almost like Don Corleone and Darth Vader being in the same movie! Almost. If Don Corleone and Darth Vader were really shitty CGI. But you know, that's starting off negative, and that's not what we are about over here. Theoretically what we have here is the fifth Lake Placid and the fifth Anaconda movie and with cred like that, we are prepped and loaded for five times worth of awesome. Did we get that? Of course we didn't silly.
Beach the master trapper (Stephen Billington) needs one of the Black Lake crocodiles so they can do some absolutely nutty gene splicing with these things and those giant Anaconda's from the Anaconda movies. You might remember the Blood Orchid? I do because Salli Richardson was soaking wet throughout most of that movie, which is kind of relevant in this movie because there are a lot of soaking wet women in this one as well. Regardless, with the help of Bickerman (Robert Englund) who I would've sworn was murdered by the crocs in the last movie, he has him one. Until all hell breaks loose, with the crocs and the anaconda's they were injecting croc juice into are set free.
Now the real joy of this movie begins as we are reunited with the crazed Reba (Yancy Butler) who has somehow been promoted to Sheriff of Lake Placid, which sounds like a horrible idea. Again, we thought Reba was murdered by the crocs in Lake Placid 3, but who's really concerned with all of that? Reba needs to round up these crocs, and for that she needs the help of SyFy Channel original movie stalwart Colin Nemec, playing some character with a name, who is a Fish and Wildlife honcho who needs to help Reba. We also get to meet the mayor of this town who is NOT having an annual Fun Event that he will refuse to cancel. What's up with that? That's like sea-beast movie 101. Gotta have a fun event, and for this genre oversight we have to knock this one down a few notches.
What we do have, in the absence of a fun event, is Corin Nemec's pretend daughter Bethany (Skye Lourie) and her rush mates, all very attractive, very fit young ladies, who will splash in water in bikinis or nothing at all… when the DVD comes out. You may be thinking that thin, fit young ladies in bikinis trumps an annual fun event, and if I were fifteen I'd agree with you, but at this age… I'd much rather witness a fun event with lots crocodile / anaconda bloody mayhem.
The question you may ask is why are we splicing Croc and Snake DNA? I can't remember. CEO Murdoch (Annabel Wright) is trying to continue her father's work, who was played by John-Rhys Davies in the previous movies if I remember correctly, and it all circles back to that Blood Orchid again. But whatever the reasons, they didn't stick with me. I just know that crocs are eating people and anacondas are crushing crocs and Jeep Grand Cherokees. And they need to be stopped from crushing other people's property, because that's not cool.
While the Film Critics United website has closed its doors, it hasn't shuttered them. While the world doesn't need another 'Age of Ultron' or 'Pitch Perfect 2' movie review, we here at the FCU still need to hang around on the fringes to support movies like this one, as their support base consists of only a few of us out there. Thus 'Lake Placid vs Anaconda' is probably more of a Lake Placid movie than an Anaconda movie, and I guess that's a good thing since, all things considered, the Lake Placid series of SyFy originals have been marginally better than the Anaconda series of SyFy originals. Yes, that's like saying Chlamydia is slightly better than Gonorrhea, but it is still nonetheless true. And what has made these movies palatable over the years is quite simply the YBF, or the Yancy Butler Factor as we call it. Ms. Butler might not be the super tight, drop dead gorgeous hottie that she used to be in those Witchblade or Mann vs Machine shows back in day, Crack Cocaine will do that to you… allegedly… but she's become something better. She's become awesome. Whenever Yancy shows up in these low budget creature feature, these movies automatically become better, 'Shark Week' excepted, and Reba coming back in 'Lake Placid vs. Anaconda' is more proof of this rock solid theorem.
Beyond Yancy… well… you know… It's a SyFy original. But you saw Corin Nemec, so you knew that already. Generic Bulgarian sets, suspect dubbing of Bulgarian actors, erratic pacing, and mostly overall subpar acting, just as we've come to expect, but the effects didn't seem to be nearly as bad this time around, and nobody in this movie was taking this movie all that serious which also helps move things along. Plus, which seems to be a staple of the Lake Placid sequels, when the DVD hits I'm sure you will get to see plenty of boobs. Thus if one is on the fence on watching this, and one happens to like boobs, then one should probably wait for the DVD \ VOD release.
'Lake Placid vs. Anaconda' isn't a good movie, and heck… was that ever even in the equation? I don't think so, but it at least was a suitable follow-up to a series of movies that did not require any kind of follow up. And one of the characters even named the next one… Crococondas! Color me there.
