Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

In this movie ‘Insanitarium’ Jack’s (Jesse Metcalfe) baby sister Lily (Kiele Sanchez) is CRAZY hot. Well, I guess you could leave the word ‘hot’ off since she’s pretty crazy too. Apparently their mother had The Crazy all up in her and died in a way I don’t believe that we are ever told, and the brother and sister swore that they would take care of each other forever. Lily obviously forgot ALL about that conversation as she tried to hang herself, but big bro was there to cut her crazy ass down which subsequently gets Lily sent to the nut house.

I’m not to sure what kind of house of loons this is but the powers that be won’t allow Jack to visit his little sister, so with no alternative Jack takes some rather extreme measures to convince these powers that be that he too is psycho and has himself committed, the plan being to check on his sister, make sure she’s straight, then get the hell out of there. There are a couple of problems with Jack’s ‘plan’ with the main one being, at least in my mind, that Jack is crazy for real. There are other problems with Jack’s little plan such as this home for whack jobs is being run by the completely out of his mind Dr. Gianetti (Peter Stromare) who is performing some rather weird and dangerous experiments, combining some psychotropic drug he’s created with electric shock therapy to cure his patients. Almost as crazy as the Doctor and his patients is his lone orderly Charles (Evan Parke) who should write a book entitled ‘Fun with Tasers’, with a special chapter on how to properly sex up mental patients. Also assisting the psycho Doc are his nutty head nurse Ms. Henderson (Molly Bryant), his hot and horny assistant admin Vera (Carla Gallo) and the out of place Nurse Nancy (Olivia Munn) who seems to be the only person in the building who’s elevator goes to the top floor.

It doesn’t take Jack long to realize that he has to grab his sister and seriously get the hell out of this joint. Working with fellow loon Dave (Kevin Sussman) Jack has devised a plan, but that plan didn’t factor in hordes and hordes of flesh eating, white

eyed, super fast, super strong zombie loons. Oh yes. A little side of effect Dr. Gianetti’s drug therapy is that it creates just that, and worse yet, it transmittable. So if one bites you, guess what’s going to happen to you in couple of hours? The only thing worse than a crazy, fast, super strong flesh eater is one who was crazy from the get go, thus making it doubly crazy. The only thing working in the favor of our heroic trio of loons on the run is that they’re pretty damn crazy too.

So as I placed this DVD into the player I didn’t quite know what I was getting, since I just slam these things in my cue and await for these movies to arrive at my front my door. As this movie started it was looking like one of those psychological type thrillers where the dude is wrongly locked up in the loony bin and tries convince everybody that he’s not crazy, especially considering the leisurely pace that Freshman director Jeff Buhler’s film started out at. Oh dear God how wrong I would be. Around the time my man ripped the head off the cat and ate it, it was pretty much on. Seriously, the last forty five or so minutes of this movie were so hectic, crazy, insane and bloodily violent that it’s almost too much for the senses. Almost.

So I’m sitting in chair staring at my blank television screen after the final credits have rolled asking myself ‘Did I like what I just saw?’, because I talk to myself like that you know, and my answer to myself to that question would be ‘Hell to the Yeah’. And I don’t even really know why, and because I’m a U.S. American I don’t really have to give no gatdamn reasons, but I going to try and do it anyway. One of the things I found enjoyable about this movie was the surprise of it all. To start the movie is kind of just poking along, not that this is a bad thing by any means, but then it takes the sharp bloody left hand turn into pure and total mayhem that may or may not make any sense, but it hardly slows down for long enough for anybody to give it all that much thought as we watch our heroes stab, shoot, kill, maim and gut infected loon after infected loon.

The performances were also a bit surprising as Jesse Metcalfe, who usually one would classify as more underwear model than actor, did a more than credible job as the lead character Jack, in control to start but slowly losing his grip as his inherit insanity takes over. Contrast that to Kiele Sanchez, who we would like to see model underwear, played a character who was forced to regain her sanity as her brother was steadily losing his. I’m thinking Peter Stromare doesn’t have to dig to deep to play crazy since he does it so often and so well in so many movies, and might we give it up mightily to actress Lisa Arturo, who we last saw in the movie ‘18 Fingers of Death’, as Ms. Arturo had to act like a blood thirsty flesh eater while spending most of the movie topless and covered in blood. Plus she ate a Black dude, and not in a sexual way. Outstanding.

This probably isn’t a movie for everyone as it was about as bloody and as violent a movie I’ve seen recently, and not a lot of lip service was spent in things like character development or clever plotting, but like I say, if you’re going to make a movie like this you might as well go ‘Beijing’ and go all the way. ‘Insanitarium’, Bless it’s little violent, bloody heart, where we get to see a character sitting around eating her own intestines, went all the way.

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