Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
Oh Ilsa (Dyanne Thorne), what am I going to do with you?  To be honest with you my friends, after watching 'Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS', I was pretty much done with Ilsa and her adventures.  Not because 'She Wolf of the SS' was terrible… quite to contrary… that movie was way too well done and well presented for the type of movie that it was.  Something that depraved, on that level of quality… it was even too exploitative for this particular big fan of exploitation.  But then something happened.  Lately I've been watching the films of schlockmeister Al Adamson, and in a couple of his movies he featured actress Marilyn Joi.  Outstanding.  Then I saw 'Black Heat' which feature actress Tanya Boyd.  Even more outstanding.  Then I saw that both actresses were in this movie 'Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks'.  Now having seen 'She Wolf of the SS' and remembering the SS Twins, I had an inkling how director Don Edmonds was going to use these two fine examples of 1970's African American Femininity and thus I had little choice but to watch this movie.  Well, I was correct in this inkling, and I was not disappointed.  Not by Marilyn, not by Tanya, and not by Ilsa's latest adventure which was still sick and depraved, but at least it was a little less depraved than the last one we saw.

A helicopter drops off some valuable cargo in wood boxes to somewhere in Middle East.  There be bitches in those boxes.  Believe that.  The boxes arrive and are immediately inspected by Ilsa, the Harem Keeper, and she is pleased with what she sees, three fine naked specimens with heart shaped lock boxes protecting their privates.  Because nothing says 'love' like being kidnapped, drugged, and strapped with a heart shaped chastity belt.  Also, always by Ilsa's side, are her lethal sidekicks Velvet (Marilyn) and Satin (Tanya).

How lethal are Velvet and Satin?  Other than the fact that these two Black women offensively carry spears all the time, if you do wrong, man or woman, you will face them in the ring.  And before they get into this ring, they will disrobe and oil up.  And if you are a man and you lose in the ring to Velvet and Satin, your life will be spared, but the sheik will have a new eunuch to serve in his court.  Wonderful.
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But what exactly is this movie about?  Well there is a story, and it involves our sick sheik (Victor Alexander), an American diplomat (Wolfgang Roehm) and his attaché, super secret agent Adam Scott (Max Thayer).  The Sheik, in between doing horrible things to the ladies in his harem, is holding the U.S. over a barrel with his exorbitant oil prices, and the diplomat is here to negotiate.  The Secret Agent is here to observe and do what is necessary when the time comes.  Which mainly means he's going to be sexing up Ilsa.  It so happens that the secret agent has planted a spy in the camp and this spy is absolutely terrible at what she does.  And she will pay the ultimate price for being a spy.  No, seriously.  Not just death.  What happens to this lady is worse than anything that happened to anybody while Ilsa was running that SS death camp.

Anyway, Secret Agent Scott put it on Ilsa something fierce!  I mean Ilsa is a slave to my mans very whims.  Whatever this brother says goes, and this is not lost on the Sheik who won't tolerate this kind of disloyalty and he humiliates Ilsa.  Then he threatens her man.  He shouldn't have done that because now Ilsa, her sidekicks, the harem bitches, and the dickless are all on a rampage, and the sheik will learn some hard lessons in the worst way possible.

While 'Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks' isn't a great movie, we must admit that it is a great exploitation movie, made by a great exploitation director in Don Edmonds.  This is a film that has just about everything a decent exploitation film needs, say like… I don't know… titties.  Lots of them.  The movie generally doesn't go three or four minutes without the inclusion of titties.  Small ones, big ones, firm ones, and all races, creeds and colors.  And since this is an Ilsa movie, there is lots of Ilsa doing what she does, which is torturing people and also showing her own voluminous titties.  Just so you know, the sheik prefers his harem girls to be trained in the art of using their tongues, a training regimen which Ilsa takes very, very seriously. 

Also, since in it's an Ilsa movie, there are an awful lot of things that are very distasteful, and as mentioned before, most of these distasteful things happened to one person.  You know you've had a bad day when you had your titties crushed, your feet devoured by ants, your eyeball plucked out and eaten, and then had an incendiary device placed inside your vagina, which is actually a sex bomb.  Detonated by friction.  Wonderful.  Who thinks of this stuff?

What really sets Ilsa apart, say unlike my main man Joe D'Amato and his litany of exploitation transgressions against cinema, is that there is an actual narrative here.  Truth be told, it's not a bad one either.  Again, this is more of a testament to the directing skill of the late Don Edmonds who certainly knows how to shoot, stage and pace a movie but also realizes that while tits are great, if you wrap some kind of story, no matter how insane this story might be, along with a decent flow to this story, you might get a movie that might be of a little more value than the titties you've paid to be in your movie.  And it also helps that every single actor in this movie, even those that couldn't act, at least over acted to the nth degree. 

Recognize that we're not telling anybody to run out and acquire 'Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks', and I can admit the only reason I was able to digest this movie as easily as I did was because I saw the far harsher 'Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS' first, and also because the glorious Marilyn Joi and Tanya Boyd spent the majority of this movie naked… but this is high quality exploitation. 
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