Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
Every once in a while we see things in movies and we have to attempt to call it.  Put an end to it.  Try and see if we can't keep this from happening anymore.  Nobody listens to me on these things, so it's kind of pointless, but we're going to try once again, nonetheless.  Today, we are putting a stop to the 29 Year old Beautiful Blond Expert in her Field.  Today that character is Dr. Terra Wade, the world's preeminent expert on reaniment genetics, as played by the very lovely Yvonne Strahovski.  I'm not saying this expert has to be some kind of decrepit old dude, as we all know this is what this expert would generally look like in real life… I know that's crazy talk… but maybe just an older hot chick instead of a grad school aged hot chick.  That's all I'm saying.   For instance, Miranda Otto is in this movie 'I, Frankenstein' playing the chief gargoyle protector, Leonore … we'll explain later.  She's an older hot chick.  She could've easily played this preeminent expert in her field, and we would buy into that.  And we're still keeping Yvonne Shrahovski in the movie by making her the guardian, since they are immortal and stuff, and since God probably wouldn't have made her forty five years old, since He made all of the other immortal protectors around twenty five.  What do you think?  Crazy talk I know.  The movie itself… eh.

Anyway, back in the day Victor Frankenstein (Aden Young) stitched together a creature and brought it back to life.  So ashamed of his creation he tried to destroy it but failed, and this creature in return, destroyed him.  What this creature did not know is that his existence would draw much attention from the Demon World, in particular Chief Demon Naberius (Bill Nighy) who has a need for this monster for reasons that cannot be good.  Fortunately for the world, we are being watched over by the Stone Gargoyle Crew, led by the afore mentioned Leonore, who have been sent by the angel Michael to battle these demons, angels cast out from heaven for aligning themselves with Satan.  These protectors rescue the monster, take it to Leonore who names him Adam (Aaron Eckhart) and invites him to join them in battle.  He declines.  He's an angry, soulless creature and just wants to be left alone.  Leonore's right hand man Gideon (Jai Courtney) thinks they should end this beast, but Leonore believes he has value to the world.
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Hundreds of years pass, but Adam will not be left alone as the demons continue to hunt him, so he takes the fight to them.  Much to the dismay of Leonore and her legion.  This is where we meet Dr. Wade (Strahovski) who is working for Naberius, looking like some kind of businessman, in an attempt to reanimate dead things.  Apparently, if we were to listen to Dr. Wade, there's some kind of overreaching social value in doing this.  Hell if I know what this value could possibly be.  But how fortuitous would it be for Dr. Wade, and her research, if she had a creature that had been reanimated already to study, or at the very least the notes of the genius that made this happen?  But of course the story of Dr. Frankenstein is just a myth.  Oh no it isn't! 

Next thing you know, Dr. Wade is holding Dr. Frankenstein's manual, and she's face to face with his monster.  The monster tells her that she really doesn't want to help this guy because he's a demon and he plans to destroy the world.  She doesn't believe him.  Why, I don't know.  I mean she just met a 250 year old reanimated dead guy made from spare body parts, so one would think that just about any and everything is on the table right now.  Eventually, she does believe him.  I think it was Demon / Creature kung fu fight that changed her mind, and she's not going to help that guy and his nefarious plan.  Until she does.  Naberius has one hell of a plan, so to speak, and it's bad for all of us.  Unless the creature without a soul can save us.  Think the Tin Man for reference. 

One problem I had with 'I Frankenstein'?  The Demons.  I mean these demons were total punks.  They crumbled like a house of cards almost every time.  Why the gargoyles didn't just rush the compound and take these clowns out centuries ago is beyond me.  Another problem?  God.  Look, He sent these demons down here, and we are His chosen people, but yet these whackjobs He sent down here are trying to eradicate the whole of lot us?  Now I get free will and stuff, and if some random dude was trying to eradicate us… I get that.  But not these dudes.  Hey God… make them stop.  I also wouldn't have minded some explanation why the Frankenstein monster was so darn eloquent.  He doesn't have be all Boris Karloff mono syllabic or anything like that, but this Frankenstein was pretty darned intelligent.  Too intelligent.  Like he would never shut up intelligent.  Aaron Eckart is a good actor and all, and it would be shame to waste his talent on monosyllabic dialog and grunting, but that is the way I tend like my Frankenstein monsters. 

Did I like this movie?  Well… not really.  But I didn't dislike it either.  We can see where it has this 'Underworld' vibe going on, complete with Bill Nighy and his arching left eyebrow, but considering that Underworld certainly wasn't the be all that ends all, something was still missing to complete the package.  Ah… It just dawned on me… Kate Beckinsdale or Rhona Mitra in tight spandex.  That's what's missing!  Aaron Eckhart did hit the iron extra hard for this role, but it wasn't quite the same.  At least for me.  That's all I'm saying. 

I can say that I'm not feeling the same level of hate that a lot of people seem be directing towards this movie, but this is more because 'I, Frankenstein' didn't move me enough to warrant any hate.  The narrative, based on Kevin Greivoux's graphic novel… he plays one of the lame demon heavies by the way… comes off as utter nonsense, though I'm sure in the setting of the comic it probably makes total sense.  This would be one of those occasions where I guessing something was lost in the translation.  I did like some of the CGI work, like the slick looking human to gargoyle transformations, but some of the other CGI work didn't seem to measure up to what we are used to.  Admittedly, if this movie was like ten years old, then this stuff would be amazing, but now the bar is so freaking high for this kind of thing, and in parts 'I, Frankenstein' suffers by comparison.

I didn't hate this movie.  It's forgettable and unremarkable and fairly illogical, but for the ninety or so minutes that one sits there watching it, it was somewhat entertaining.  I can easily admit to that.
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