Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
He's a grizzled, balding badass trying to make things right with his estranged lady while battling terrorist.  I know it sounds a little bit like a Jason Statham movie or some kind of setup for 'Die Hard' but this time the action takes place on a plane.  I know you're thinking that 'Die Hard 2' took place on a plane, but you know full well it took place at the terminal, not on a plane.  'Hijacked' is different.  So very different, and not in a good way.

In this reality there is the terrorist operation of all terrorist operations out there causing a ruckus known as The Tribe.  Think of a bunch Bin Laden's merged with a bunch Donald Trumps and you have an inkling of The Tribe's world domination plans.  Hunting these evil terrorists is grizzled balding badass agent Paul Ross (Randy Couture) but for all we know he's hunting smoke since nobody is sure that this alleged Tribe even exits.

Then one evening in the middle of a black tie gala, Paul gets some intel that The Tribe has some kind of secret something or another going down, so he pulls his best friend Ballard (Vinnie Jones) out of the Gala, while he was in the middle macking on a cutie, so they can stop whatever kind of shenanigans The Tribe has going on.  Tragically, and we mean this in all sincerity because Vinnie looked like he was going to be a lot of fun to hang out with in this movie, Ballard is killed in the crossfire, the tribe escapes and Paul Cross is labeled as a lame super agent.

Then Paul gets some intel that The Tribe is planning to take down mega rich industrialist Bruce Lieb (Craig Fairbrass) as he makes his way to the United Nations or something on his private plane.  Just so happens that Cross' estranged lady Olivia (Tiffany DuPont) is going to be on this plane, so where Paul was just going to deliver some info, now he has to stay on board, per the invitation of Mr. Lieb, to keep an eye on his girl.
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It's not long before the terrorist, all three of them, slip on board, led by the completely evil Mr. Pawlak (Holt Mcallany).  We know it's an inside job but who is it on the inside?  Is it Lieb's half sister Michele (Gina Philips) who hates him?  Or maybe it's Lieb's chief of security Mr. Southwell (Dominic Purcell) because he has thick porn mustache and nobody with a mustache like that in the new millennium can seriously be trusted.  Or maybe it's that cute couple… oh… they're only on board the plane so they can scurry away to a private room and have sex.  Gotta gratuitously squeeze some titties in this thing some kind of way, know what I'm saying?

Regardless of who is on the inside, Paul Cross has a bunch of terrorist… okay… three terrorist that have to be killed, a girl that needs to be saved, and only then will he allow himself the luxury of figuring out who is on the inside pulling the strings.  I pretty sure it's not the Black guy playing the CFO because there's a good chance he's going to die. 

There are a few problems with 'Hijacked' as a piece of viable action themed cinematic entertainment.  For starters it has a story that is about as action-generic as it gets, even though the end reveal was actually pretty clever.  Which completely made it not fit in this generic theme that permeated throughout 99.6% of this movie.  The settings were claustrophobic, which is why most Die Hard rip-offs tend to take place in wide open spaces… and now we know why since squeezing through isle seats does not make for the best action.  And the terrorist were kind of weak.  I mean there were only three of them so there was only so much they could do, and when they were dealing with anyone tougher than young people having sex or a Black guy strapped to a chair, they were pretty darned useless.  That doesn't mean that our hero should turn his back on them to look at something else that caught his attention, because that would be stupid, but so weak were these terrorist they couldn't even take advantage of that.

Tragically, this isn't even the main problem with 'Hijacked'.  The number one issue is that my main man Randy Couture isn't much of an actor.   At least not one who should be saddled with the weight of carrying an entire movie.  As a supporting heavy, like in the movie 'Setup' or 'Big Stan' or 'The Expendables', he's pretty good.  As the central figure… not so much.  We mentioned this before but Couture and his UFC counterparts aren't professional wrestlers who are pretty much actors anyway.  UFC guys are real fighters, so you aren't going to find a lot of the Dwayne Johnson, John Cena, Steve Austin type natural charisma in these guys.  Worst still is that this movie already has legitimate 'acting' tough guys in its cast in Fairbrass, Purcell and Vinny Jones.  Even Holt McAllany for that matter.  What the filmmakers probably should've done was make a slight cast shift.  Fairbrass as your terrorist, Purcell as the tough guy star, Vinnie Jones as the security head, McAllany as the rich guy and Randy as the guy who gets shot in the head in the beginning.  That movie would've still been generic, but now we have a cast that's gonna light some things up.  Of course that's neither here or there at this point, but I'm guessing this would've made this movie slightly more watchable I'm thinking.

'Hijacked' wasn't totally unwatchable, let's get that straight as it was semi-functional as a time wasting action thriller, it was just blandly generic and completely miscast is all.
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