upset at him getting killed off twenty
minutes into the last movie. 2013 Channing Tatum, now
that the powers that be realize that his talent is more along
the lines of comedy as opposed to drama, and considering the
little time he was in this movie that he and The Rock had a
solid bromance brewing… Duke's absence in this movie was
notable.
Regardless, Cobra thought they'd killed the Joes, but there
are still three left in Roadblock, Lady Jaye and Flint and
they have promised to rain hell on those who did their
brothers and sisters harm. They hid out in Roadblock's
old hood because even Cobra won't go in the hood. And
lest we forget Snake Eyes (Ray Park) who is still floating
around out there somewhere. Plus the Original Joe is
still out in the unisphere, that being General Joe Colton
(Bruce Willis) and he is not one to be taken lightly.
But what is Cobra's plan for world domination this time
around? First thing is for Cobra operatives Storm Shadow
(Byung-Hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson) to get Cobra
Commander out of deep freeze… they left Destro on ice since I
guess Joseph-Gordon Levitt had no desire to be in this movie…
and with Cobra Commander free, now they can blow up the
world. I mean this does seem kind of stupid to me to
want to rule the world while systematically blowing it up with
their awesome non-nuclear weapon with the nuclear results, I
mean what are they going rule now? But I'm not an insane
evil organization ruler, so what do I know?
But the surviving Joes can't let that happen. With Snake
Eyes on board, along with his new kung fu ingénue Jinx (Elodie
Yung), Cobra must be stopped! Explosions shall
ensue. Seriously, explosions. And more
explosions. And when you think you've seen enough, it's
gonna explode some more.
I have to say it, and it hurts me to say it because it is a
solid indicator that I am finally getting old, but at the end
of the day director John Chu's 'G.I. Joe: Retaliation' was
just… a bit much. This movie right here is almost
non-stop action and after a while it did start to wear me
down. But then I'm an old man now, like forty and stuff,
so take that with a grain of salt. If your fifteen or
thereabouts, chances are you might think this movie needed
more action, more explosions, more ninja mountain fights, more
guns… though I'd think even the president of the NRA would
even concede that 'Retaliation' completely abused the second
amendment. In fact, so old am I, the part of the movie I
enjoyed the most was the repartee between Duke and
Roadblock. Seriously, I enjoyed watching two dudes
playing videogames more than watching The Rock in his super
Tank mow down the entire planet Earth. I'm ashamed of
myself.
'Retaliation' is a completely different movie than 'Rise of
Cobra', to the benefit of the filmmakers, as 'Rise of Cobra'
was more of a cartoon where 'Retaliation' is like an old
school war movie on steroids. The performances from the
cast, as if it really matters in a movie like this one, were
solid enough. Dwayne Johnson has built a nice career for
himself as possibly the only functional action hero left for
theatrical productions, the rest of our heroes either being
completely ignored theatrically or relegated to Straight to
Video… which we enjoy mightily here at the FCU. And of
course with the plethora of action, we can almost guarantee
that 'Retaliation' won't bore you. Or at least it
shouldn't.
'G.I. Joe: Retaliation' isn't smart or clever or unique in any
conceivable way, but it does deliver what it promises, that
being explosive, non-stop action. A bit much for me
maybe, but then I own a recliner. That's equals old man
where I come from.
