Flying Monkeys

So Joan gets this monkey, Joan and the monkey love each other, but Joan has this asshole boyfriend whose only purpose in life seems to be getting in Joan's panties. Now in the boyfriend's defense, it does look like this couple is already active so we can kind of see, just a little bit, why he's all upset that Joan has cut him off, but he didn't need to be such a jerk about it. The monkey don't like it when folks are mean to Joan, just ask this boyfriend and that morally suspect valedictorian of this high school. Now I don't why the monkey killed her since she didn't do a damn thing to Joan. Guilt by association I guess.

By this time our little monkey is simply wrecking this town, eating people and livestock with reckless abandon, and don't try to shoot it because if you kill it, it just splits in two. Plus they're a little pervy. Joan's best friend Sonya (Electra Avellan), who just happens to be one of the hotter 27 year old high school seniors on the planet Earth, was minding her own business trying to take a shower, but the monkey was a completely peeping on that. It could've killed her, but it waited for her to get all wet and soapy before it even made an attempt. Freaky monkey.

Fortunately we have a couple of killer monkey hunters with special killer monkey weapons in siblings Yin (Boni Yanagasawa) and Chin Lee (Lee Nguyen) and they are in Kansas, or wherever this movie takes place, to take this monkey… I mean monkeys down. There's a bunch of them. Why? Because we have guns in the U.S. and if we see a flying giant monkey we are gonna shoot it. There's no avoiding that. Kind of an anti-gun message on the surface of this one. Eventually it's going to be up Joan, her deadbeat dad and Joan's hot friend to save the planet Earth from the scourge of the monkey, mainly because Yin and Chin-Lee suck at monkey slaying, even though they've been doing it their whole life. Now I'm pretty sure Joan is going to take the monkey down but her monkey killing catch phrase was a little lame.

I am pleased to say that I did not hate 'Flying Monkeys'. Yes, it is a SyFy original which means it is still saddled with the usual SyFy shortcoming such as dodgy CGI, suspect acting, and a blandly handsome middle-aged former television star as its lead, but if we didn't have those things we'd be watching a normal movie and not a SyFy Channel original, and that's what we signed on for on this evening. Thus with that in mind, while the CGI monkey might not have been the most convincing CGI evil flying monkey around, looking like a mix between plastic and clay, it was one crazy, violent ass monkey. It ate everything. Pigs, cows, old people, valedictorians, and even the pizza delivery boy. But it left the Pizza. Come on Mr. Monkey. And you can usually count on at least one or two magical, sublimely stupid scenes in a movie like this and Flying Monkeys did not disappoint. Take the showdown between the monkey slaying siblings and the brutal exotic pet shop owner. We gotta say that Rudy has to be the toughest pet shop owner ever, but they'd fight, they'd punch Rudy in the face, Rudy would fall down and pull out his gun and threaten them. Rudy should pull the trigger, but no… they kick him in the face, they fight, Rudy gets beat up again and again his points his gun. Rudy should pull the trigger. But no… he gets kicked in the face again. And why did Rudy have to tagalong with the slaying siblings to Kansas to see the monkeys anyway? Did they force him to come along to confirm the flying evil monkey? I mean once you've seen one evil flying monkey, you've pretty much seen them all. What good could Rudy possibly do? Except get eaten since I guess it was mandated that Rudy get eaten.

That's good stuff right there. That is if you like nonsense, which we do. And with quality nonsense like that, it's no wonder that 'Flying Monkeys' succeeded for us.