Steven Seagal’s latest epic ‘Flight of Fury’ managed to do something quite unique. I know the populace is yelling out things like ‘What, it didn’t suck? That would be quite unique!’ Populace, quell yourselves for a moment okay? Oft times in these direct-to-video gems, in an effort squeeze a pair tits SOMEWHERE in the film, we’ll often have a scene at a strip club. Gotta drop off a briefcase? Drop it off at strip club. Gotta meet ‘the man’ for your next assignment? Meet him at a strip club. Lunch with mom? Lunch at the strip club my friend. Now being as how ‘Flight of Fury’ largely took place in Afghanistan, and supposing that Afghanistan is probably is little light on Gentlemen’s Clubs, I was fairly certain that there would be no extemporaneous tits bouncing around in this little action flick. Oh but I would be wrong folks, but first to the movie.
I had said about Seagal’s previous film ‘Attack Force’ that not only was it the worst movie that Segal has ever made, but it will be the worst movie he ever will make, seriously putting myself out there, because we all know what the man is capable of. Now considering he’s back in Romania, or wherever they shoot these things, with the same director in Michael Keusch, the chances that this glorious group of DTV misfits misfire again is not only possible, it’s probable. My prophecy holds true folks, as ‘Flight of Fury’ is not only better than ‘Attack Force’, it’s almost entertaining.
Seagal is Air Force pilot John Sands, we won’t refer to Sands anymore since, as we have discussed before, Seagal’s ‘acting ability’ doesn’t allow himself to actually become a character, characters simply become him. Anyway, Seagal is an Air Force
pilot who is imprisoned by his own gubment and about to have his memory erased because ‘he knows too much’. A crew whose origins we are never told of, breaks him out of this super high security holding center and now Seagal is on the loose.
Parallel to this, the same gubment is testing a new plane with stealth for real. I’m talking Klingon type stealth folks, in that it literally disappears from eyesight. Ace Pilot Ratcher (Steve Toussaint) is taking the plane for its first test and wouldn’t you know, after the test this bastard disappears and takes the plane to Afghanistan as he has deal pending for a cool hundred mil.
Now when the programs director, gruff General Barnes (Angus McInnis) says ‘There’s only one man who can get that plane back!’ we know who he’s speaking of. Problem is Seagal hates the gubment for what they’ve done to him, but because he’s such a patriot, he agrees to take the job. Fast forward to Seagal and his wingman landing in Afghanistan and the bad guys are looking all over for him. Fortunately, Seagal’s girlfriend, U.S. secret agent Jessica has an apartment there and is waiting for him. About this secret agent; so you have this pretty African American woman in the middle of Afghanistan, who is there for no particular reason that we can tell, as she’s no reporter or nothing! Just a pretty Black woman hanging out in Afghanistan. Paris, Barcelona, Tokyo are so passé now, find your vacation wonderland is action filled Afghanistan! Don’t get me wrong though ‘cause it’s a good thing she’s there. The actress playing Jessica, Ciera Payton isn’t much of an actress, but what she does have, you simply can’t teach. As a little research has shown us, this is the woman’s first role in anything, and I suspect Ms. Payton can, and will eventually learn how to act, but she ain’t gonna get no better looking and that body not’s gonna get any tighter. Not possible.
So Seagal hides in her apartment right, and evil terrorist rebel Elaina (Katie Jones) knows he’s in there. Elaina’s looking around, and it’s looking like Seagal is cooked, but Agent Jessica has a plan yo! She drops her silk bathrobe letting Evil Elaine see her sheer, see-through nightie. Elaina, apparently totally down with a little girl on girl, tells her boys to clear the room and we get to watch them fatigues come a peeling off. So now we have these two women, One damn near naked, the other certainly naked, both of whom I sure have personal trainers, totally making out while Seagal hides in the shadows. Now I’m thinking that maybe Seagal is gonna run, or konk Elaina on the head or SOMETHING, but no, he just hides in the shadows and watches the show, just like us. Eventually, Jessica takes Elaina’s gun then kicks her out of the crib with Elaina vowing that she’ll get her revenge on Jessica for ruining her Happy Ending. Folks, that there is creativity at its finest!
I may have spent too much time discussing that, but I felt it was necessary. Anyway, ‘Flight of Fury’ despite the some serious stupidity, and the fact that our government has basically placed the future of the entire world in Steven Seagal’s hands and his super hot sidekick, ain’t that bad. Seagal actually moves around in this one, and Keush pulls the camera away from Seagals slow mo hands, and we actually get see a real fight for a change. It even looks as if the man may have dropped a few pounds.
I know I shouldn’t congratulate the man for raising his game to mediocre, but considering where he’s been, mediocrity is something I’m more than willing to accept. I’m a Detroit Lions fan folks, and we USED to be mediocre. We would like to be mediocre once again, if possible. ‘Flight of Fury’ is Steven Seagal’s glorious return to mediocrity spiced up with a little girl on girl. Who’s gonna be mad at that?